Sisters children and step child and our holiday

YADNBU,

Your BIL has dropped your sister in it and she is trying to pass the buck.

There is no way I’d take responsibility for an unrelated child I don’t know well on a foreign trip for two weeks when it’s not even clear if one or both biological parents have given consent. Anything could happen. And that’s before you consider the extra work involved. There will presumably be extra cost?

Lots of children are not keen on holiday clubs but as most parents don’t have bottomless annual leave, they are a fact of life.

It sounds like she needs to organise some annual leave for another time and actually visit her family. You aren’t the nanny. It’s perfectly fine to not want to take other people’s children on holiday with you.

Also like hell would I allow my 7 year old to be hauled off to another country with my ex’s new girlfriend’s sister, some random adults she’s never met and a bunch of teens.

This isn't your problem OP, it's your sister's problem. She wants the children in her fairly new blended family to be treated in exactly the same way, but her relatives are not yet ready to do this because they don't know the little girl very well, and it doesn't help that she's much younger than the other children and needs different things. You need to tell your sister that, and repeat that the older children can come with you but not the younger one.

I don’t think I’ve ever met a 7yo that winged and cried or had to be cajoled into doing things.
I don’t think most 7yos are difficult in that way.

But it’s the having to look after them that’s the issue.

The older ones can be left to their own devices all day and night without much worry but the 7yo needs actively looking after.

On top of that, a child that is not related needs extra looking after too.

Haven't read the full thread but if you weren't going on this holiday... what would they be doing for childcare? The 7 year old has a mother, a father, at least one step-parent... and none of them are willing to take a few days off to look after her?

I would say yes but in our family we have a time honoured tradition of paying the older ones to babysit on holiday. My mum babysat her younger siblings, my siblings babysat me, I babysat my brother’s first child and now she babysits my kids. Obviously depends on the maturity of the older kids, and no you can’t have them do it the whole holiday - but it works great for us. Also as a teenager I really actually enjoyed it. Once you’re older you can’t really play without being seen as weird, but if you’ve got a little kid with you then suddenly you’re a saint for looking after them.

Obviously speak to your kids about it and do what fits your family, but in my experience it’s always been great. I really think it’s part of the reason we are a close family. I also think it kind of helped me decided I definitely wanted children. I mean nothing prepares you for the reality of being a parent but having some experience with little kids and tantrums ect did help me.

Another vote for no. With bells on.

Clue there might be primary school kids plural. The 7 year olds have age mates. That won't be the case here. She'll have nobody of similar age to play with.

Also (!) which country are you going to? Some places it is very difficult to take a child that isn't yours and you need all sorts of paperwork or even authenticated documents which are checked on entry. Teenage nieces are related and can speak for themselves; an unrelated 7 year old is completely different

Then stepniece will have to go into holiday club even if she hates it and wants to spend time with her stepsiblings.
Id also point out to your sister that she is going to destroy her relationship with her own children if she refuses to let them go and then expect them to babysit the 7 year old during the holidays especially when the could and should be spending time with their extended family. Your sister needs a reality check asap.

Would you even be allowed to do this? I have to travel with a letter as does my ex husband with permission from each other to take OUR kids abroad. We've never been challenged but surely this could potentially be flagged at customs.

I personally would never let my kids abroad with my ex husbands partners siblings that they'd only met a couple of times.

Anyway though I'm calling out the dad as being a childcare dodger here.

Purely from the step child’s point of view - you should definitely not take her.

How awkward for her to be in a home with people she doesn’t know and around only older teens or adults.

I would say take the older girls but then you say they want to spend the week seeing friends and going hobbies etc - something they won’t be able to do if they come with you.

I would say to your sister that you will not be taking the 7yo but that you’re happy to take the older ones if she wants.
If she says no, she says no.

I was with a 7 year old today and a different 7 year old a couple of weeks ago. I don't have kids of my own, but I can see what 7 year olds are like. I love both these kids very much, but they are hard work. Perhaps you've forgotten what it's like?

Taking a 7 year old that you have no legal relationship to out of the country is extremely problematic.

Has the girl even met your parents?

This is batshit and I wouldn't do it. What if she becomes ill?

I'd refuse to take any of them. Explain that you just want to enjoy a family holiday and you don't want the responsibility of any other children. They'll most likely see it as unfair if you agree to your nieces going and not your step-niece.

I've never met a 7 year old that behaves that way. I suppose it's dependent on the family/group and the dynamics. I've done big holidays with extended family and the teens and primary school kids all hang out together, sometimes with the adults, sometimes without. It's only been babies and toddlers who have needed things to be adapted or thrown any tantrums.

Wow another father who isn't actually doing his 50/50 and is happy for extended family to take his child out of the country.

has your sister's partner even met your parents ?

If I were the little girl's mother and knew about this in advance it would be a firm no.

Poor little girl, father can't be bothered. He needs to sort his week out.

You're not unreasonable. Your sisters partner and his ex are the most unreasonable. He should have informed work that he couldn't work away that week due to it being his time with his child. Her mum is ridiculously unreasonable and downright stupid for thinking it would be ok for a couple of virtual strangers to take her child out of the country. As much as you'd look after her she doesn't know you. I would say she either accepts that you can take her teens but not the 7year old or you don't take any of them at all. Seems your sisters partner can't plan his time properly if he wants childcare he will have to sort it out himself rather than find it ok to leave your sister to figure it out for him

"and yes, also, she isn’t our niece so it is different."

This says it all. 🙄

Surely your sister and her DH just need to book a weeks holiday club for the 7 year old?

What did your sister do with the 2 older ones when they were little?

Why on earth has your sister’s husband booked to be away with work when he should know that his daughter is on half term holidays and with him! Actually that would have been an ideal time to have some one on one time with her if the older 2 were away with you and the grandparents. Does the DSD mum even know about this suggested plan would she be happy with it!
TBH regardless of any of that her Dads lack of planning does not constitute a problem
for you!

I’d offer to take your nieces, and if she refuses unless you take all three I’d say no and not take any. I’d also find a way to ensure your nieces know that they are invited. She’s yet another person that has fallen into the myth of the “blended family” that just never exists.