Sisters children and step child and our holiday

Maybe he hasn't "booked to be away with work", because he does one of those jobs where there isn't much option about when you have to be away from home.

This. Nice and simple.

this is your family holiday. Your children are old enough not to need you frequently and you can relax. Taking another set of children means you don’t have your much needed family holiday.

surely they can visit your parents as a unit another time. Convenience for them would mean you sacrifice your holiday.

also I’m freaked out by the potential complexities of taking the little 7 year old to another country.

Of course it is. Everyone in a family can help out according to age and ability.
This situation is simply about want and, I think, not considering the dss as family.

No I wouldn't take someone else's 3 kids on holiday. Even to visit family. That's you in charge of 5 kids, that's alot of kids. Most of them not being yours.

As a mother I also wouldn't agree to my exes, girlfriends sister taking my DS out of the country either.

Looking after 5 children is a big difference to looking after 2. I think tbh it's cheeky of them to ask you.

I've read the OP's posts, but not all the replies.

I have two different ways of making this decision, which lead to different answers. Your choice whether you use either or neither!

1. A seven year old is too much responsibility 24/7. She either comes and joins a kids' club, or she doesn't come. The child themself can be involved in this decision. Looking after a 7 yr old is totally different from looking after teenagers.
2. The object of the holiday is for that generation of children to see their granny and grandpa again. The 7 yo hasn't met these people, so it doesn't meet the holiday objectives to take them!

My choice would be #1, because it can be explained to the child in simple terms. It would be ridiculous to take her WITHOUT her attending a kids' club. Let her join the other kids in the evening!

A final note - it goes without saying that if you take ANY of the kids, your sibling owes you big time!

And DO CHECK that you could even take the 7yo out of the country without either parent being present!

I hope you've got someone to pass you the smelling salts! That's quite an over-reaction. You're being very dramatic.

My question would be whether a 7 year old wants to go on holiday with a family she has met twice. My DS is 8, has been away with his grandparents this summer and got homesick after a few days.

It would be a hard no from me, and not just because of the seven-year-old stepdaughter. I wouldn’t take any of the three children abroad without their parents.

What if something happened to one of them? An accident, illness, hospital visit, anything like that. Their parents wouldn’t even be in the country to deal with medical decisions, and I’d find that far too stressful and far too much responsibility to take on for someone else’s children.

And with the seven-year-old especially, you’re not even related to her, which adds another layer to it. I just think it’s a huge ask and, frankly, a ridiculous request. I personally wouldn’t agree to it.

But why?

This!

And they've only met her twice! I have cousins who grew up 6 hours away who I have only ever seen at (rare) weddings in 45 years and I barely class them as family.

You either take them all or none at all.

In any case, nappies and help with getting dressed are unlikely to be applicable to a 7 year old and would usually only take a few minutes a day anyway. A 7 year old is going to need looking after well beyond that. It's not a relevant example.

Yes, their own family. The kid has an entirely different maternal family.

I can't get over the 7yo having a mother, a father and a step mother yet none of them are available to look after her?

Definitely don't take her with you whether or not the older ones go.

Dear god. Own family?
🤦‍♀️

You are doing absolutely nothing wrong saying you are only willing to take the older 2.

The easiest 7 year old in the world can't be left at home if you want to pop out with your DH for an early morning swim or a drink/dinner in the evening. She will need entertaining as she is the only child that age around and can't hang around with the older ones as they won't tolerate it (no teen would, for anything more than a short time each day). That completely changes the holiday for you.

Her parents will have to find alternative arrangements.

No absolutely not. I have a 7 year old and you’re right, it will not be the same holiday for you all. And I find it odd that her mum would be happy with that arrangement.
Who’s paying for the extra 3 children to come by the way? If it is your sister then surely she can afford a holiday club for the week instead for the 7 year old. By sister, I mean the girls dad really! It’s not either of your responsibility. I have to work during school holidays and have little family support. So I use paid childcare. Tell them to do the same.
It’s sad that your nieces won’t be happy if they end up missing out because of this. But that’s also not your problem, as much as you love them. That will be your sisters decision. Just firmly say you are happy to take the two older children but that’s it. Up to them if they accept.

Exactly. And "They don't want to" isn't more valid than your no, because you don't want to either.

They don’t want to, and this isn’t their sibling/cousin. They want to spend time with their own family, not provide childcare for OP’s sister’s husband.

Have they thought of family on her dad’s side looking after the 7 yo? Does she have grandparents on his side for example? I know it’s not your job to sort her childcare, but maybe they need a no from you to make them think more about who they could ask.

Her DH thinks you are a mug. Don't be.

I'm not of the opinion that relatives outside of the household of a blended family (grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins) always have to treat their stepgrandchildren or step niece/nephew exactly the same as their biological relatives. They've normally got their own grandparents or aunts or uncles on both sides unless they have lost a parent. There's a family on DH's side where the relatives did this and then they split 3 years later. Much upset. That mum is on her 3rd marriage now, different set of stepkids.