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Original poster

Sisters children and step child and our holiday

711 replies

FallingDream · 23/08/2026 17:50

My parents moved back to my dad’s home country in March. We plan to visit them in October in the school holidays.

My sister has asked us if we will take her children and step child with us so that they get to see our parents but mainly to help with childcare as she and her partner have to work. Her partner is away with work that week and the week after.

My parents are ok with us bringing them all but I know it would end up with us looking after the youngest. Our children are 16 and 14 so we are at the stage where we can relax on holidays. My sisters kids are 15 and 13, step child is 7 so she still need looking after and more supervising.

Are we unreasonable not to take them with us or only take the older 2? We haven’t had a summer holiday this year so we were looking forward to relaxing holiday. We suggested just taking our nieces but got the usual stuff about treating them all the same. She’s not the same because she is 7 and needs looking after, and yes, also, she isn’t our niece so it is different.

DS can’t take the week off as she is too busy at work with a project at that time apparently. My husband says we may as well stay home if we aren’t going to be able to relax properly and it’s gone from something we were all looking forward to, to something that we don’t want to do. We are all reasonable happy to take our nieces as they don’t need looking after as such and they won’t change the vibe of the holiday.

My sister insists step child is ‘easy’ so we will be able to relax. That won’t be the case as I will feel very responsible for her and obviously she may miss her dad, my sister and her mum. She lives 50/50 between her mum and dad. Her mum is on holiday and this is her dad’s time. He’s away with work which annoys me more. I also find it strange that the little girls mum is fine with her coming away with us when we have only met her mum twice. I feel sorry for the little girl quite honestly, but we really want a break.

Sorry if it’s all a bit jumbled but hope I’ve explained it all. What do you think?

OP posts:
InterIgnis · 23/08/2026 21:11

TY78910 · 23/08/2026 20:55

She’s not a random 7yo though. She’s the eldest sister… she is OPs step daughter, but her sibling’s sister.

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No, she isn’t their sibling, and OP’s actual nieces want to see their own family without being made responsible for her. Her father’s childcare problems are not theirs, and neither are they OP’s.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/08/2026 21:09

TY78910 · 23/08/2026 21:02

I missed the part where OPs sister’s kids had a father other than the DP, but regardless my opinion still stands -

I always find it rather strange that people in blended families on MN choose to see the blended more as layered - not quite a family. Blood isn’t always the be all and end all of someone’s relationship, family is what you make it. I would be absolutely devastated if I got in to a relationship with a man with a child and my family didn’t accept them as part of my children. It’s interesting OP mentioned somewhere upthread that DSis always insisted they should be treated equally - so there we have it really - if OP wants to say no, say no to all. Surely it’s a better holiday for her without any extra kids involved.

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You’re suggesting that OP’s sisters kids miss out on a holiday with their grandparents, aunt and cousins because their mum met someone who has a child with someone else. That’s what none of them going means. OP wants to take the older two, the older two want to go, OP’s kids want their cousins to go. The grandparents want all their grandkids to go.

All of these people will miss out on something lovely because the 7 year olds parents are away the same week and her step mum has to work and no one can be arsed to arrange suitable childcare.

Two2TooAlsoToToward · 23/08/2026 21:08

Katey83 · 23/08/2026 21:04

Why is your sister's lack of childcare over half term your responsibility? Say 'No, sorry that doesn't work for us.' 'No, sorry we're not changing our plans. Her kids, step or bio, are her problem.' 'No sorry, can we stop discussing this because it's annoying and I'm not taking your kids on my holiday.'

This. Shut it down. It’s your holiday, of course you don’t want to be running a half-term babysitting service. No further discussions—you are entertaining this WAY too much with your sister, OP. No explanation needed—just no.

SoManySliders · 23/08/2026 21:05

Has your sister and her partner considered the logistics of this?
What is the expected travel time, door to door? Is the child prone to travel sickness?
The additional costs related to taking 3 extra people?
What if the child gets sick and is unable to travel home, or is hospitalised?
How long have your nieces and you known this child?
Has anyone even asked the cold of she wants to go?!
i would also be concerned from your husbands point of view re. potential allegations.

Katey83 · 23/08/2026 21:04

Why is your sister's lack of childcare over half term your responsibility? Say 'No, sorry that doesn't work for us.' 'No, sorry we're not changing our plans. Her kids, step or bio, are her problem.' 'No sorry, can we stop discussing this because it's annoying and I'm not taking your kids on my holiday.'

TY78910 · 23/08/2026 21:02

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/08/2026 20:36

She’s 7, she’ll be aware that she has different family to her step siblings. This isn’t even a half sibling set up but a step one. She presumably has a whole other set of grandparents and/or cousins and her step siblings don’t go with her to see them. The people OP is going to see aren’t related to her in any way, they’re her step siblings parents who she’s met twice, she’s not related to OP or her DC either.

Would your 6 year old want to be away from her parents for a week visiting people she’s met twice in a foreign country in the care of her step sibling’s aunt?

Show quote history

I missed the part where OPs sister’s kids had a father other than the DP, but regardless my opinion still stands -

I always find it rather strange that people in blended families on MN choose to see the blended more as layered - not quite a family. Blood isn’t always the be all and end all of someone’s relationship, family is what you make it. I would be absolutely devastated if I got in to a relationship with a man with a child and my family didn’t accept them as part of my children. It’s interesting OP mentioned somewhere upthread that DSis always insisted they should be treated equally - so there we have it really - if OP wants to say no, say no to all. Surely it’s a better holiday for her without any extra kids involved.

Two2TooAlsoToToward · 23/08/2026 21:02

FallingDream · 23/08/2026 18:15

We are told that the youngest doesn’t like going to holiday clubs and wants to be with the older two. We have been told for years that we should treat them the same. I think it’s a shame that my nieces don’t get to see my parents because otherwise she will say we are favouring them but maybe it will cause less trouble to say no. It won’t solve her issue though.

Edited
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Treating them the same = nobody goes. Problem solved.

Original poster
FallingDream · 23/08/2026 21:02

The 7 year old is obviously her dad’s responsibility. However, in defence of her dad. he has looked after my sisters children when she has been away with work and they usually both care for all the children and have split schools holidays between them in the past when my nieces needed childcare. They have been together for almost 6 years.

OP posts:
TheLemonLemur · 23/08/2026 21:01

For so many reasons I would be saying no. Theres no kids similar aged, 7 year olds need entertaining and lots of care suncream, eating, drinking, even just getting up when they do, water supervision etc.
What happens if the child was unwell or injured do you want the responsibility of making decisions about medical care. You don't need to give reasons not to take her but these are all valid ones!

ClaredeBear · 23/08/2026 20:59

TY78910 · 23/08/2026 20:55

She’s not a random 7yo though. She’s the eldest sister… she is OPs step daughter, but her sibling’s sister.

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This little one would be a step sibling to the others and not related by blood, so not her grandparents. I’m not saying this should matter but just flagging it as perhaps you think they’re all related.

ClaredeBear · 23/08/2026 20:57

Nothing to do with the step bit and everything to do with the other kids being older and closer in age. It would be a no from me.

ThreadGuardDog · 23/08/2026 20:57

Loulou4022 · 23/08/2026 20:51

So in which case he and his partner/ wife should have a backup plan that doesn’t involve her sister!

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Exactly. Sounds to me as though his wife/partner is the proverbial ‘nanny with a fanny’.

Recklessismymiddlename · 23/08/2026 20:55

I wouldn’t want to be responsible for a 7 year old for a long period, irrespective of whether they were a niece or a stepniece. It would be the age, rather than the biological relationship.

TY78910 · 23/08/2026 20:55

InterIgnis · 23/08/2026 20:27

There are three kids. Two of whom want to spend time with their own family without an unrelated seven year old tagging along. They shouldn’t have to miss out on their own family because of a step sibling, and. nor should they be lumbered with providing childcare for her.

That isn’t going to promote cohesion, but will be instead almost certainly cement their view of her as a burden.

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She’s not a random 7yo though. She’s the eldest sister… she is OPs step daughter, but her sibling’s sister.

Loulou4022 · 23/08/2026 20:51

MagnusCanis · 23/08/2026 20:02

Maybe he hasn't "booked to be away with work", because he does one of those jobs where there isn't much option about when you have to be away from home.

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So in which case he and his partner/ wife should have a backup plan that doesn’t involve her sister!

SerafinasGoose · 23/08/2026 20:50

TurtleMcTurtle · 23/08/2026 18:53

Another shitty Dad who expects his new wife, or wife’s kid, or wife’s sister to prioritise looking after HIS child so he can do whatever the fuck he wants 🙄

Yep. My first takeaway from this thread was precisely this.

CarrieOakie · 23/08/2026 20:46

4 teens and a 7 year old is a recipe for disaster & tears. The 7 year old is going to be constantly left out. The older 4 will want to be doing their own thing.

how though will you get a random 7 year old through immigration etc? The other 4 are your family but the 7 year old isn’t- would that be an issue? Moving children isn’t that simple.

id say to sister

i will not take 7 year old but I will take the older 2, it’s your choice if the older 2 can’t come so be it.

JustGiveMeReason · 23/08/2026 20:41

I would start by calmly repeating that I was happy to take the 2 teens to see their Grandparents, but that I wasn't taking the 7 yr old.

If sis continues with the 'I'm not splitting them' line I would point out the damage she is doing to her teens and any potential relationship she is hoping they will form with her new partner's child, and leave her to decide.

She's just going to end up with the 7 yr old to sort out (still) with the addition of two resentful teens who know she has stopped them a) seeing their grandparents b) going abroad for a holiday c) spending time with their cousins. That resentment will last a lot longer than just the week.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/08/2026 20:36

TY78910 · 23/08/2026 20:15

Because a 7yo is more than capable of understanding the ‘my siblings are going on holiday but I’m not’ dynamic. It’s not fair on the kid. I have a 6YO DD who would be absolutely devastated. No matter what adult reasons there are for this split, there is a kid at the end of this. And I can imagine her parents thinking the exact same way if OP was to propose otherwise.

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She’s 7, she’ll be aware that she has different family to her step siblings. This isn’t even a half sibling set up but a step one. She presumably has a whole other set of grandparents and/or cousins and her step siblings don’t go with her to see them. The people OP is going to see aren’t related to her in any way, they’re her step siblings parents who she’s met twice, she’s not related to OP or her DC either.

Would your 6 year old want to be away from her parents for a week visiting people she’s met twice in a foreign country in the care of her step sibling’s aunt?

fashionqueen0123 · 23/08/2026 20:35

canklesmctacotits · 23/08/2026 20:23

Your sister completely, totally understands what you’re saying and why you’re saying, and she can’t argue with the reasoning either. But she doesn’t like it. She’s got herself into a situation she can’t manage, and she guilt tripping you into not solving it for her at your own expense, rather than she sorting it out at her own expense.

It boils down to her work project versus your family holiday.

(Well actually it boils down to this poor child not having a mother or a father or a step-mother willing to out her first, and having to spend her school holiday with her step aunt visiting her step-siblings’ grandparents. It’s just awful).

Your sister and her husband need to sort this out between themselves. This isn’t your job. They blended their family, they didn’t blend yours and neither did you. I don’t know how they could keep a straight face saying that their jobs are more important than your annual summer holiday/visit to your parents. Outrageous. And why aren’t they thinking about this poor 7yo? With a shitty dad who puts his job first, a shitty mum who would rather go on holiday, and a shitty stepmom who tells her she’s the same as her own children but clearly doesn’t treat her that way?

ETA it’s actually really miserable, thinking about this little girl, spending her holidays with someone else’s grandparents rather than her own. Why can’t she go and stay with her maternal or paternal grandparents, her own family? Why should the poor thing have to spend it with people she doesn’t know, who aren’t related to her, who haven’t asked her to come stay with them? She’s just a childcare problem to all the parents and step-parents in her life. Heartbreaking.

Edited

I feel so sorry for this kid. Why can’t her mum just switch weeks? Or her dad say sorry I don’t have childcare. I can’t go away for work. Or if the sister considers herself to be a true step mum she will have to look after her.
Palming her off to a foreign country with people she doesn’t know that well, wtf.

ThreadGuardDog · 23/08/2026 20:35

fashionqueen0123 · 23/08/2026 17:59

If it’s the dad’s time she should be with her Dad.

Just say no. We’re on holiday and don’t want responsibility for other kids. Please don’t mention about her not being your niece that sounds unkind.

Exactly this. He’s at work during his own contact time and they’re looking for a solution. Biology is the excuse. I wouldn’t do it.

Ponderingwindow · 23/08/2026 20:35

My older teen still uses a great deal of my time, but she also contributes to the running of the family, occasionally without being asked. It is nothing like having a 7 yo to look after.

canklesmctacotits · 23/08/2026 20:33

Mumtobabyhavoc · 23/08/2026 20:02

Of course it is. Everyone in a family can help out according to age and ability.
This situation is simply about want and, I think, not considering the dss as family.

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She isn’t the OP’s family and she isn’t the grandparents’ family. Her own aunts would take objection, I’m sure, to being put on an equal footing to OP, ditto for her grandparents.

She has her own mother, father, grandparents, aunts, cousins. They are her family. In addition she has a step-mother and two step-siblings. The former consented to take her on as family, the latter were given no choice and seem to not want it (who knows how they’re treated by their own father’s new family).

Pineapplewaves · 23/08/2026 20:32

Your sister’s partner should not be working away if it’s his turn to have his daughter. He needs to arrange suitable childcare for her or take time off work.

Nofeckingway · 23/08/2026 20:31

I think you will have to say no to taking any of them . Not your responsibility to take your nieces to your parents. Your sister needs to make her own plans not tag along with yours .
And if your sister is working , can she leave the 15 year old home to supervise ? Unless she is working long hours , is this allowed ? I would also tell the child's mother who may prefer to have her daughter with her that week.

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