Sisters children and step child and our holiday

The 7 year olds actual father is getting away easy here…it’s his time, he’s fucked off to work and all the women are falling out over care of HIS child!

Her teenage children have headed off to their father.
So they have made it clear they aren't babysitting her.

How spiteful of the mother to deprive them of a holiday when they will just be wilth their dad.

As soon as they are 18 I hope it bites her on the arse and they treat her as she has treated them, to be used to make a point.

She's a disgrace.
A decent mother would be thrilled her two older children were getting a holiday at her parents.

I reckon OP doesn't know the half of what those girls have been put through by their mothers selfish choices putting them last.

That’s all been done.

At this stage I’d grey rock her - well you’ve now ruined our holiday so well done! Our holiday isn’t about you & your childcare needs. We were more than generous in offering to take the older kids. It’s no longer up for discussion as we now have to go and deal with our parents whom you have also upset.

Absolutely this

Just frame is as it’s not about her being the step child/niece, it’s her age. The other children are all alot older and need less looking after but a 7 YO is a whole different story.

Obviously not overlooking the man, but DS is also at fault. She’s now ruined OP’s holiday and upset their parents. She’s also upset her own children whom she refuses to prioritise, because she essentially prioritising her partner. And now she wants to guilt trip Op before she goes on holiday to see her now upset parents. A lot of main character energy.

Yes, I can’t imagine many women letting this happen. I assume the DH just expected that the women in his life would just step in and sort it for him.

She shouldn't be having to handle it at all though. It's her partner's childcare issue, not hers. Teens upset with their mum, grandparents not seeing grandchildren & sisters unhappy with each other all because a man isn't stepping up to his responsibility.

Imagine being that much of a CF that you fall out with someone for not providing you with a week of free childcare whilst they are on holiday. She’s batshit.

Normally when people are offered and accept a new role, the new employer asks if they have any holiday/other commitments that they need to honour. Your sister's partner should have made them aware of this previously booked leave for childcare reasons. What did he think was going to happen? He knew his ex-wife would be attending a hen do during that week. This is his fault and this whole fiasco has created a rift between you and your sister.

Your sister sounds like a pain in the butt. Go, enjoy yourselves, don't let her drama live for a second more than it has to in your mind. There's a great freedom in saying no. I've learned it as I grew older. Wish I'd learned it earlier.

And it's also that she's not OPs family. OP has mentioned that she would not be comfortable disciplining her and looking after her as she has met her twice and the girl is not her family.

Her sister needs to get this through her head pronto. Nobody is required to pretend that a stepchild is the same as their own family. It's not unkind, or any such silliness to say so, it's just a fact. I do not understand why so many women on this board (I see it regularly) refuse to accept reality - you can feel that a child is your own when they become your stepchild if that's how you feel - and nobody else in the extended family agreed to that, and they can and will feel any way they feel.

We do things for family we wouldn't do for people who are not family, and we should.

But yes it's also that the child is 7 years old and will require supervision and cause undue hassle to OP and spoil her holiday with her own family.

It's important that her sister understands the reality of the situation, so she doesn't keep causing her stepchild stress and unhappiness and punishing her own children for no reason. Maybe OP can't force her to accept reality - but by pointing out the truth, the child is not OPs family, it might make her sister think twice before trying to force what she wants to be true (but is not true) on others.

So deeply manipulative - it’s not that she’ a step child v a blood relative - it’s the fact that she’s 7. And this is what I would keep stating on repeat. It is not appropriate to take her somewhere at her age, and yes that means she cannot be treated the same as her older [step] siblings.

Your sister and her husband have 8 weeks to sort out childcare - ie a holiday club - and for the father to reschedule his business trip or sister to arrange her work around picking up her step child. SHE chose to marry a man with a child, she signed up for the stress of sharing childcare along side her DH, but your DNieces did not. As another poster says - all your sister has done is create a wedge between you and her, between the step child and her daughters and between herself/DH and your entire extended family. And why? Because she clearly feels it is too inconvenient to adjust her work hours to collect her step child.

My question would be, given this is the case, and on the assumption that she would never have hesitated to arrange care/adjust hours for her OWN children when they were 7/8 years old… isn’t the implication actually that SHE doesn’t treat her step child the same as her own children?

But it is in part because the 7 year old is not family to the OP. OP doesn't want a 7 year old there, obviously, nobody would - but it's worse because she's not family. She wouldn't be comfortable knowing exactly how to discipline her and look after her - OP has mentioned this. Because she's not OPs family.

Better that the sister is forced to realise the reality - wider family are not required to pretend that step children are the same as biological family. And they rarely do.

Your sister has caused issues and distress for her stepdaughter unnecessarily, and is now punishing her daughters because everyone is behaving normally and you are doing the right thing by your own family. Just unbelievable that women keep getting into this mess when they simply will not understand that stepchildren are NOT the same as biological children to wider family.

She's making a huge rod for her own future back.

Great post.

I have to agree with all this.

Your sister has made a really poor decision here, but it is her decision and I hope you have a lovely time at your parents with your dc.

It was an unreasonable request and the outcome is a shame.

My neices (all biological) are similar ages and we left the youngest at home to take the eldest two on a day trip to London. Its ridiculous to say a 7 year old is easy even if they are well behaved - if you are a caring and attentive adult it would and should be an effort to look after them.

“It has caused lots of problems. She is saying none of us treat her step child as if she is part of the family“

Id be ready for two sentences to your sister-

1. It has nothing to do with being a step sister; it is her age at 7 she requires more day to day care and we are past those days and want to relax on holiday.
2. if she continues down the you don’t treat her the same “ look sis years ago you had another step son and we did lots to include him and then looked what happened- so yes we don’t as you’ve already shown us that once a relationship breaks they are not family too”

Your sister presumably wouldn’t ask you to look after the 7 yr old for a week at your house

All the evidence is pointing to the fact that she absolutely would.

Yep, a cheeky fucker from the Premier League of cheeky fuckers!

Who would be looking after your sisters children and step child if you weren’t going on holiday? Is your sister going to take your children away next year? I doubt it 🤔

I have some sympathy for your DSis. Now don't get me wrong, she was wrong to ask you to take the 3 away, but she is clearly trying to make sure all kids are treated the same in her home (which is to be admired) and forgetting your home is not hers. Yes, the 3 kids are all children of a parent in your sister and her partner's home and should be treated equally there, but the kids have different aunts/uncles/grandparents and she can't make 4 sets of aunts/uncles/grandparents (her kids both sides and step daughter's both sides) be the same as each other.

The other factor is your DSis is hurting her relationships while her partner seems to be getting away with no consequences!
It's his time with her, so his issue to sort care for her if he can't mind her, that shouldn't be up to your sister to sort.
If the holiday wasn't an option, if you and your family weren't visiting your parents and just at work that week, what would he be doing with her then? He can do that now...

people she doesn't know

I think she probably does know the grandparents. Her Dad and stepmother have been together 6 years. I'm sure OP's sister has seen her own parents plenty in that time until they moved abroad.

But if course, she’ll conveniently blame you for all of this.

Your sister is a disgrace.
More focused on her step child than her own children.
Another woman putting the needs of a man ahead of her own children.

Step away OP.
Do not get involved further.
Let her children show her their displeasure.

That 7 year old has two parents putting themselves first, and your silly sister is tolerating it.

She deserves everything coming her way from her children.
They will rightly judge her very harshly.

Do not get involved at all.
Let it play out.

You do know if they divorced, you'd likely never see this child again.
The cheek of her to think you should sacrifice your only family holiday to be free childcare.
Unbelievable.

Who was going to be paying for all this, by the way?
And even if your sister was going to fund the flights, what about incidentals like meals out, activities, drinks, ice creams? Those sorts of things sure as hell add up.