Sisters children and step child and our holiday

Nor me jeez!
Not for love, nor money, nor a gun to the head!

Look, your sister just doesn’t want to have difficult conversations with her partner, or make him have a horrible conversation with his daughter. It’s easier for her if you just do what she wants so that she and her partner and his ex can have it all. She should expect pushback. This scenario has all the signs of an initial
idea that’s floated but is so preposterous it never comes to pass. It’s only August, the holiday is October. The sister and her DH have lots of time to come up with a plan that doesn’t involve OP.

I'd go with "were happy to supervise them to get her to grandparents house if they want to look after the kids but we are going on holiday and not going to be in-situ carers. So if you want to arrange their care/visit with grandparents directly and can afford to cover the cost of the hotel we will now be staying at instead of with grandparents as planned, that's fine, we will happily supervise them on the flights" (Assuming you were planning to stay with grandparent)

I wouldn't mention age or you'll be roped into it in the future.

Aside from the age difficulty, there are a few other things worth mentioning to your sister:

• You are not related to the child, so would need written permission to take her out of the country
• What happens if she needs medical treatment on holiday? You wouldn’t be able to make medical decisions for her.
• Does she speak the language of your father’s home country?
• Does she know your parents well enough to be staying in their house?
• What if she wanted to come home?
• Who would help her in the bath/getting ready in the mornings? This can be…hit and miss with 7yr olds. But do any of you have the relationship to her to help her with essentially intimate care?
• Is your parents‘ house set up for a 7yr old? Are there a few toys/drawing things?
• What are the sleeping arrangements? Do your parents have enough space?
• Do your parents have a car seat for her?

You don’t need to answer any of this here. But they strike me as practicalities when looking after someone else’s young child abroad.

@FallingDream Is her Mum aware of this plan?

Then say no to the 7year old going, do you want to take your nieces and do they want to go? Cos if you do it wouldn't be fair for your sister to say no to them going just because you won't take her partners child.

I just wouldn’t take any of them. I wouldn’t want to single the step child out and take the two older ones, especially if she’s very much a part of the family. If I wasn’t comfortable/didn’t want to deal with the 7 year old then I’d just decline and take my own kids and that’s that

I'd also be worried about the implication of travelling with three children without their parents and one of whom you have absolutely no blood ties to.

Don't know which country you're going to.But let's hope they're not strict with travelling with minors without their parents.

I'd say no to all three of the children, and you're only taking your own.

I wouldn't want to be responsible for a child I'm not related to, especially not abroad. So no to taking sister's step child.

Also, what kind of mother would be okay with her ex husband's wife's sister taking her child abroad to see people she has no relation to? And what kind of father would allow this, too? Weird family. And it's borderline negligence to dump your child on unrelated people in a foreign country.

The sisters stepchild is 7 so massively different in age to the posters own kids and nieces who are all teenagers. This little girl will have nothing in common with a bunch of teenagers and will likely be bored on a family holiday where she doesn't know anyone other than her dad's partners two kids. This poster is in no way obligated to take her at all. Her sister's partner should've planned better and sorted out proper childcare or rearranged things with his ex if he really couldn't get out of work

Exactly what seven year old would want to be without mum or dad and alone with unrelated adults and older children.

@Flamingojune The OP and her DH/DP have two shared DD's, 16 and 14. No step- children.

Her sister has a 7-year-old step-daughter.

Im confused. You got together with your dp when is daughter was just one?

That poor kid, if I had been put in the predicament at 7, I would have been so scared.
I cannot believe they would even consider it.

YANBU, only do what you are happy/comfortable with.

If the step family weren't in the picture the options would be the same. If she was my child and her father had a presumably not optional work trip and I was unable to take leave and there were no family/friends available to help out then we would have to use clubs whether the child liked it or not. Parents have to earn money to provide for their children.
No-one has questioned the maternal extended family who refuse to help during Dad's time even though they are related to the child. Her life would likely be adversely effected if her father lost his job. If I were her mother I'd rather my family helped out than my child went abroad to stay with people she barely knows.

Tell your DS that you will be going out a few nights just you and DH and also other plans for you, DH and your parents on a couple of days, and that if you're taking the 7 yo on holiday you hadn't planned to need childcare so it's only reasonable that the 16yo and 15yo should be paid to baby sit, as you're saving DS so much time on childcare you're sure she won't mind footing the payments.

Edited to add : where are DS's husband's parents in all this? Could the 7 yo spend solo time with them that week?

No. It’s your holiday and with five kids to watch and entertain all so varied in age this will not be a holiday for you. Your sis should have sorted out child care if she knew she wouldn’t be available. Just say no

The people responsible for her are her own two parents. In trying to palm of his responsibility as a parent however, her father has instead chosen to make her an inconvenience to his stepchildren and in laws.

Wow this is outrageous. Father in his contact time tries to palm off his own kid on his partners sister and her parents who don’t even have similar age kids themselves?! You couldn’t make it up. Hard no!

@Mapletree1985 I think her Dad is the uncaring person. He doesn't appear to be willing to make any arrangements for his DD's care and it would be lovely for her to spend one-to-one time with him while her step-sisters are away. But he's not willing to take AL to do this.

Oh, come on, she's got two biological parents, one stepparent and two step grandparents who have known her since she was one.

She's not an inconvenience to everyone it's just her unrelated step auntie doesn't want to be solely responsible for her abroad. I would not want the responsibility of taking such a young child abroad for that amount of time either.

You post is just hyperbole.

There doesn't appear to be a single person in this entire scenario who cares enough to put the seven year old child's needs first. I feel so desperately sad for that little girl, who must surely be aware that she is viewed as an inconvenience by everyone around her.

They are not grandparents to the 7 year old. They are her father's partner's parents. Her stepmum wants to treat all 3 daughters the same, which is often sensible, but not always when they are such different ages.