Sisters children and step child and our holiday

She was clear in previous posts she's not met her twice, of she had of course I wouldn't be expecting her to consider/treat her as a family member in the same way! And her needs being met by only taking her own dc away is one thing, but singling out a younger family member as she's doing (not solely relating to her age, but rather her position - unasked for by her - in the family as the non biological niece/grandchild) to be clear she's uninvited and asking teenage siblings to reinforce this, is not kind imo

What's to be confused about? (Except it's not OP with the step-child, it's her sister).

Man with baby and 50/50 access finds replacement nanny-with-fanny ASAP after breakup, to help raise the child. It's the norm, I'd have said? Nothing surprising or confusing about it.

Your sister and BIL are so cheeky.

Absolutely not.

I say this as a child from a divorced family and would usually want to include stepchildren etc.

In this case it will definitely ruin your holiday and cause huge resentment from her step siblings.

I actually can’t believe the nerve of your sister that she would even ask!

Say you’re taking your nieces and she’ll need to book the 7 year old into holiday clubs. If she’s outgoing anyway she’ll be absolutely fine.

Think everyone, OP’s family too, are conflating ‘step child’ with ‘7 year old’. Even if this 7 yo were NOT a step child, it would still be a pain to take her when she is not your own child and your own children are young adults/older teens and independent. It would also perfectly reasonable to tell a younger child that they cannot go on this holiday, that they will have to wait until they are older. That’s not treating her differently, it is treating her according to her age.

It is also grossly unfair to saddle older teens/half or step-siblings with the care of much younger children, so SIL is actually hugely unreasonable - they need to keep their 7yo home and send her to clubs. And if she doesn’t like it, tough. Kids all over the country have to go to summer clubs so that their parents can work. That’s life. And in a few years those older step siblings won’t be around either- they’ll be at uni or travelling etc - so SIL needs to start adapting now rather than expecting everyone else (step kids, OP and family) to be her safety net and free childcare source.

Your sister is being ridiculous and putting finding childcare above the wants and needs of her own children, who sound fed up of playing happy families. Then we have the thought of a 7 year old without mum and dad for a week in a foreign country.
Another selfish parent forming a so called blended family and expecting everyone to be happy with the new arrangement.
Of course she knows a 7 year old will unwittingly totally change the dynamic for everyone. She is no doubt breeding resentment by trying to force her own children to child sit and that will only be amplified if she doesn’t allow them to visit their own grandparents. She sounds very selfish whichever way you look at it and I feel very sorry for her biological children plus the seven year old. That said, I’d let the older ones enjoy their time and put the younger in holiday club for a week.

The answer is you don't want to take anyone's young child with you as you don't plan to be babysitting while you're on holiday.

That's a bit off. OP isn't trying to get her needs met. Her needs are being met by taking her DH and DC on holiday! The sister has asked her to take the other 3. It's up to OP if she's happy to take her nieces whom she knows and has a relationship with and who are similar aged to her own DC but not want to take a step-niece she's met twice who is the wrong age for the trip. Why should OP have to accept her sister manipulating her into the position of "bad guy" saying no to her nieces for the holiday when she's actually happy to take them? Let OPs sister, who is their own mother and the person who's trying to foist all the DC onto OP for the week, be the "bad guy" and tell her own DC they can't go with their aunt/uncle/cousins to see DGP. Why shouldn't the OPs sister be the one to take that hit of their resentment, when it's her decision?

To OP: don't let your sister throw you under the bus like that. Don't ruin your relationship with your nieces by telling them no, tell them yes (because that's your decision) and let their mother tell them no (because that's her decision).

If they complain to you that it's not fair, you can agree with them, whilst explaining there's nothing you can do about it - because you're not their parents and just as they don't want to spend their holidays babysitting their step-sister, neither do you/DH want to babysit her either! They're old enough to learn/realise that it's your holiday too and that just because you're an adult it doesn't make you "default parent" to all the world's children.

Because its dad's week.
Mum is not the problem here she has arranged to go away on her non parenting week, its the dad whos causing a problem by choosing to go away with work for a fortnight over his week with his dd. The fact that the father has a childcare issue is not the mums problem or the step aunts problem.
The dad needs to arrange appropriate childcare for his daughter during his trip or cancel it.
Sending a 7 year old abroad with people who are not related to her on what is ment to be an extended family (not tge 7 year olds family) holiday is not suitable childcare.
Whether the 7 year old likes kids club or wants to follow her teen stepsiblings around is irrelevant. The older teens shouldn't be forced to miss out on a family holiday or look after a 7 year old just because the 7 year old wants it or it makes life easier for the dad

Id be firm in no for the 7yr old and yes to the older two. Also I would inform my sister that her two older children are dissatisfied with having to cater to the 7yr old and to arrange differently. Honestly you will regret bringing the 7yr old.

YANBU. I would say to your sister that this is your holiday, and your days of holidays including primary school children are long gone, no matter how easy they are. It’s a completely different dynamic and it doesn’t work for you. It’s not your fault that their work arrangements clash with the school holidays. I do feel a bit sorry for the girl though, especially as your DNs know that if you don’t take the step sister they might not be able to go, it’s not fair to share that with them.

A firm no with no explanation. Enjoy your holiday.

I have DC the ages of your two, and also nieces and nephews that age. Zero zero zero chance I would be taking a 7 year old on holiday. Utterly changes the holiday for you, and I also don’t expect my DC to give up their holiday babysitting. It’s their holiday too. It would be a hard no from me. You are prepared to take teens and older and no more!

Yanbu. I actually have teenage step-nieces and little bio nephews and feel the younger ones would be more responsibility even though they're related to me. I would just focus on her age in any explanations and say no. It's not about behaviour it's the responsibility of a young child.
The sooner you point blank refuse the more time the parents have to come up with another plan.

Quite a few posters were referring to the 7 yr old as the nieces half-sibling

That’s how I’ve read it. So whilst OPs sister views partners daughter as her step daughter, she’s actually not. Not legally. So it would be OPs sister’s partner and his ex that would have to give written permission etc for OP to take this child abroad. Not OPs sister. It sounds like they would be very happy to though but still, this girl isn’t related. As a mother I’m not sure I would be happy with that. Unless they already spend a large amount of time with these people.
If sister and partner were to break up, would this girl still be considered to go and see OPs parents? I’m guessing not. That’s another reason why it’s not the same.
And for the posters who don’t agree, I’m guessing that wouldn’t be the same to you. That your contact would continue regardless. But we’re not talking about your family. Everyone’s different.
Bottom line, take the fact of whether she’s a blood niece or not out of it. She’s 7. It changes the dynamic of the holiday. OP doesn’t want that. Why are some people trying to make her feel bad for that? God forbid she is allowed to go on holiday with her own children and not have to bring anyone else’s. Nieces or not. Doesn’t matter. OP doesn’t want to. That’s her choice. OPs sister should ring her parents and ask if they mind having her for the week in that case. Why isn’t she doing that then if her ask is so reasonable? OPs going on holiday. Potentially using AL to do so. Why is she being forced to become unpaid childcare whilst doing so? If I took a week off work to relax and my brother asked me if I could look after his kids, it would be a hard no from me. Maybe for a day I would. But not the week.

Yes. But I don't think anyone is confused about this.

What a funny angle to take.

I have taught for many many years so have seen first hand the damage to self esteem and confidence labels have. All a half/step label does is diminish someone's belonging or connection to a family.

This is a little girl, who most certainly can feel she is different or out if place if this is how her family speak about her.

Its one thing to decline taking a 7 year old away on holiday when your own children are older teens. I am unsure what the labelling of a step child has to do with any of it

What a dramatic reaction to a simple fact.

She’s on holiday. Which is fair enough as it’s the dad’s week to have her.

"yes, also, she isn’t our niece so it is different."

Wow.
Just wow.

Poor kid

Hate the half/step labels.

Gross.

So the mum has organised a holiday gown herself and not taking her child .. why should you?!
also if the dad isn’t available to look after his child due to working away, the mum shouldn’t have booked the holiday as neither parent is parenting their child, they’re expecting others to pick up their responsibilities. And your sister, she agreed to marry your BIL and step parent, you didn’t make that decision, neither did your parents, your nieces or your own children, so tell your sister that the step child needs to perhaps go on holiday with her own mum, as you’re not taking a young child when you’re away relaxing on your own holiday

@FallingDream
What would your sister/brother in law do for childcare if you weren’t going in this trip? They’ll just have to revert to that plan, surely? Not your problem! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Can we be clear about who the 7 year old is/isn't related to?

If I have understood correctly:

The OP has a sister.

The sister has 2 daughters, so they are the OP's nieces.

The sister's partner has a daughter (ie the 7 year old), so she is the sister's stepdaughter. But the sister is NOT the mother of this child.

So the 7 year old is not related to the OP's nieces, she is not their half sibling?

Tough shit. She's 7.

She can do as she's told. She can't just get her own way and it's not fair on the older two to constantly have to babysit their younger sibling.

Exactly this. I’m appalled at this girl’s parents and her step mum. Her mum is happy for her to go away with an unrelated family and stay with their family. Completely irresponsible. Let me guess, her mum is off on holiday with a new “partner”.