Sisters children and step child and our holiday

I agree with suggestion that best to say no to any of them. 13 to 15 can be quite a handful on holiday and may well be.more tricky than a 7 year old. Sounds exhausting. If you want a restful holiday politely decline.

I don't disagree with you. I was simply thinking of another option.

I feel so sorry for this child who is being viewed as an inconvenience. Her parents need their heads knocking together.

Why is it the mums problem to solve? She has booked a holiday on her child free week. Presumably this arrangement has been in place for a long time and each parent knows when it is their week with their daughter.
It's an issue the dad needs to sort.

Also to throw into the issue, what about travel insurance for her? I’d be telling your sister that her husband and the child’s mum have to sort out childcare between them and come to an agreement as taking her doesn’t work for you.

You may end up falling out with your sister but your own family needs must come first.

Whilst you may prefer to take your nieces with you and not your step niece, and whilst you may have many good reasons for feeling this way, it doesn't sound as though this an option thats on the table. So maybe just accept that and say no rather than fighting for a third option that has not been offered.

The youngest needs to spend the week with her Mum. Contact time with her Dad means with her Dad. Even when there is an even split of time, it’s ludicrous to palm them off on his new partner’s family. If he is too busy to look after her, she should be with her mother.

Tell her you are willing to take your nieces to help her out (if thats what you are happy with).
But that you categorically will not be taking an unrelated 7year old child on holiday as it is not fair on the child primarily but also on the teenagers or adults on your holiday who had planned a relaxing time. Tell her you wont engage in any arguments with her or be guilt tripped but you aren't comfortable with the responsibility. You will discuss nieces but thats as far as it goes.

Basically shut it down completely do not engage in anything to do with step child. Only engage in chat about nieces otherwise your sister will keep pushing and arguing to try and make you give in.

I actually feel so sorry for this poor child, its absolutely awful that her parents are being so cavalier about this. Its totally inappropriate for them to suggest this to you.

What does step child's mum think to her being sent away with strangers? I know as a mum I wouldn't be agreeing with it.

Presumably the 4 year old is 'playing house' and its a bit a fun or a game, which she doesn't have to do and is free to stop at anytime. If she is being told/forced to care for baby sibling including changing dirty nappies - all I can say is poor child. That isn't the flex that you think it is.

I think you're already being generous for agreeing to take your biological nieces with you -- I know teenagers are more self-sufficient within themselves but they do need someone to keep track of them, check in with them, it's already a massive add to your mental load.

Not to mention you'd need a bigger car if you're having one, more people to buy snacks for, keep track of passports etc. Is she offering to pay for them or expecting you to do that too?

Obviously you can't take the 7 year old, that's a massive ask and you wouldn't get even the slightest bit of rest on your own holiday.

Having all the teenage cousins together with their grandparents sounds lovely though, it would be a shame if they couldn't have this holiday together -- it would be a proper little gang and an opportunity for lifetime bonding between the four of them.

Precisely - SIL’s DH needs to speak to the child’s mother and explain that he has had something come up at work and needs to swap his weeks. Or reschedule the work thing/send someone else. Working parents have to do this all the time. It’s not OP’s problem to solve.

I feel very sorry for your two nieces, OP, having to miss out on their grandparents because their step sister's parents are playing pass the (unwanted) parcel with their child. You should not feel guilted into taking her and having your holiday plans sabotaged by childcare needs of an unrelated, much younger child. It's not on you to take the burden of someone else's childcare crisis and lack of planning. I think PP's suggestion that you'll either take just the two older girls or none at all is the right one to suggest.

D'oh!

I missed that bit (note to self - read OP's more carefully)

Can the child go on holiday with her mother?
Why did the dad agree to travelling for work when it is his week?

Nope to the 7 year old.

Your sister is mad as a box of frogs. Hard no would be my response. To taking any of them with you.

As for outsourcing the seven year old, revipe for disaster even if her resident parent OK's it. Its a whackadoodle hairbrained scheme.

The op has been clear she has met her more than twice :"We have met the 7 year old more than twice. It’s her mum that has only met us twice."
And I believe your views are ridiculous, blended families aren't easy but where adults are welcoming, loving and inclusive, children and families can thrive. Severing family relationships because marriages have ended is traumatic for everyone and entirely unnecessary.

By the same token, there is no difference between mother and stepmother. Or mother and mother in law, sister and sister in law, and so on.

That she’s a little girl is irrelevant. They aren’t her family. The relationship OP has with her nieces is an entirely different one to the relationship between her and her sister’s stepchild.

Jesus - just tell your sister NO!!!

My sister insists step child is ‘easy’ so we will be able to relax.

If the step child is so easy then your DSIS should be able to manage her big important project.

Well it is different! The OP has met the step-child twice in 7yrs. She and her nuclear family have no relationship with the girl. She does have a relationship with her own nieces who are her sister's kids. The 7yr old is her sister's husband's kid and only lives there 50% of the time. Why on earth should OP act like the step-child she barely knows is her niece?! It's ridiculous to expect that.

I actually think 50/50 access should be banned. I don't believe it's in the DC best interest at all. It would be better if they're assimilated into one family after a breakup with the adults in that family adopting parental responsibility and see the other parent once a month during the day and possibly one overnight at that time too, if the child wanted it, with the absent parent largely relinquishing parental responsibility. That way kids aren't pulled from pillar to post with two part-time homes and no full-time one. It's even worse for them if they live with other children who are there in the home full time. Better for them to have one full-time home with parent figures living in it and a life built around that and not to feel lesser-than than any step- or half-siblings. None of that has anything to do with OP or this thread though.

I disagree, caring for a seven year old is entirely different to hanging out with teenagers.

Absolutely no to taking the step child and I cannot believe the mum would let her go! What if she becomes ill or gets hurt and needs treatment and she is in a foreign country with no family members? Unlikely but it is possible. I personally would not want that responsibility. It's a disaster waiting to happen.
Is your sister actually 'working on a project' or is she actually planning on accompanying her partner on his jolly? They both, along with mum, sound a bit feckless to be honest.

There are plenty of us single mums out there working full time with no family support who had to juggle all of this as best we could completely on our own for years - myself included.

There's two parents in this together and they have to plan their lives better. No it's not your responsibility.

That is fine as it's an agreement between them as a couple with understandable give and take.
However, I bet if he had a brother and sister in law, they wouldn't be expected to take your sisters kid(s) on holiday with them to accommodate your sister.

I would say you’re happy to take any of the kids once they are secondary school age or over.