Sisters children and step child and our holiday

I get the fact you don’t want to be responsible for her as she’s 7, but I don’t like the fact that you said she is not your niece your sister is right she needs to be treated the same, if your sister is with someone who has a child, she needs to be made to feel loved and just like any other child, she doesn’t need to me made to feel she isn’t as important.

OP please don’t underestimate the amount of additional paperwork and passport control delays to take 3 children who are not yours out of the country. Especially the one completely unrelated to you. I imagine it will impact travel insurance too. I know you want to take the older two but I think you have been put in a situation of all or nothing.

Wouldn't take my actual niece on holiday in the absence of parents at that age.Let alone an unrelated child.

I feel sorry for the 7 year old

I think that’s a big ask. I think u would be better off to say no to all three of them rather than saying you’ll take her older 2 but not the stepchild. It certainly wouldn’t be a holiday for you or your husband.
Instead of saying you don’t want to, could you say something like you and yr husband think it would be too much for you both and you’ll be afraid something would happen to one of the younger ones?

Her mum is away because it’s her dad’s week to have her. I don’t think she ‘can’t bothered ‘ I wouldn’t be taking her @FallingDreamsimply because she’s too young.

It isn't the mothers access time with child so she's perfectly entitled to her holiday. It'd be very different if she was flouncing off during her access but she's not. She's specifically arranged her holiday so she doesn't have to worry about childcare.

The father needs to cancel the trip or stepmother needs to step up. I say this as a step-parent. The holiday was likely booked well in advance by the child's mother. Why should she cancel? The Dad is the one who should be cancelling.

Exactly this! The reality is that a lot of step children possibly have more opportunities. We don’t have a full picture of this girls life as we’re talking about a separate family essentially.

My step kids for example go on multiple holidays a year with mum/maternal side as it’s only those 2. We have more children so can’t afford as many as we do treat them all ‘equal’ so won’t dare go on holiday without them as wouldn’t want them to feel that their dad has excluded them. But my kids don’t go on holiday with anyone else either so they get one holiday a year whilst their step siblings go on 3-4. So I really don’t understand anyone’s point of view that OP is being unfair and singling her out. Even if she was her blood niece, she has no obligation to take her on holiday. OP’s sister seems to speak highly of her SD from what I’m reading. So it’s doubtful a case of ‘oh I can’t be bothered to have her for the week, can you take her’.

I'm almost certain you won't be allowed to take the youngster abroad, without written permission signed and dated by all three of the adults in her Life . Please check it out as you may not be able to take her,
even if you wish to.

Also it’s a flipping cheek to ask someone who is already doing a favour for you to make it an even bigger favour!

There's always an assumption that step children are treated badly. But what actually happens is, they get two homes, two households they have their own parents.Stepparents step aunties / uncles, step grandparents - two christmas, two birthdays every year.Two sets of presents.
The non related family is expected to treat them as a full member of the family, no matter how inconvenient, on pain of death.

Totally agree

I think the step issue is actually a red herring. If step dd was an easy going well behaved 15 year old who got on with the other teens I imagine op would be fine taking her too.

When you have teens you do revel in being out of the “hands on” parenting stage you have to be in with the under 9s.

Yep, and OP has actually said she wouldn't fancy taking a bio related 7 year old either.

I think it is nice to include the teenagers. To take a child with a big age difference changes dynamics regardless of it being a step child.

Ultimately it is your holiday so hold firm

There's always an assumption that step children are treated badly. But what actually happens is, they get two homes, two households they have their own parents.Step parents step aunties / uncles, step grandparents - two christmas, two birthdays every year.Two sets of presents.

The non related family is expected to treat them as a full member of the family, no matter how inconvenient, on pain of death.

Also we’re actually making the assumption that this girl is being treated really badly by her parents/family. It’s her dad’s week to have her so mum has booked a holiday. That’s not unreasonable. I have done the same when I haven’t had the care of my children. So the girls mum might be a really good mum and for all we know made these plans months in advance after seeking confirmation that dad can definitely have her. This is dad’s problem. It’s his week to have her which he must have agreed to. It’s just unfortunately bad timing that it’s fallen on a busy time at work for both him and OPs sister. That also happens. And we are all potentially guilty of trying to find childcare when there’s something at work or something personal that we want to do. They are being cheeky by trying to make OP have her but if she says no I am sure they will make alternative plans like put her in an activity club like many parents have to do during school holidays. It’s not a big deal. And it doesn’t mean she isn’t loved.

If you RTFT you’ll find out!

I think you’re doing a really nice thing for your sister, your parents and the 2 teenage nieces by offering to take them. Your sister and her party are being really cheeky expecting you to babysit a 7 year old.

I just wonder who will be looking after the 7 year old at home anyway? The 15 year old? And they want to visit grandparents so my guess is your sister just wants free child care. Id say no to 7 year old but expect her to make the other stay home anyway

Makes sense—the 4 teens (who are too old for half term day camps) can do teenage stuff together and the youngest (who is too young for teenage stuff) goes to half term day camp. Easy.

Or the 4 of you go on your own as originally planned, and DSis’ teens do teen stuff at home whilst the little one goes to day camp. 🤷‍♀️

While I feel exceptionally sorry for the 7 year old , it’s a massive ask to take her abroad at her age without any of her parents, it’s a huge responsibility & it wouldn’t be a holiday for you. Your sister is being very entitled about this too, it’s down to the 7 year olds parents to sort childcare - not you & don’t let your sister make you feel guilty about it. I’ve taken my nephew on holiday a few times when he was young, but I’d an older child & a younger one too so we were all doing the same things & no one could have been left out. It’s a different holiday with teenagers as they’re more self sufficient & you don’t need to monitor them as closely

Honestly? I think it is really kind to take the nieces on the family holiday.

It's not really about blended or nuclear or blood or step families.

It's about OP not wanting to babysit a fully parented-up 7 year old she hardly knows while on holiday like some kind of unpaid nanny.

Personally there is no way I would want the responsibility of someone else’s young child on my holiday! I wouldn’t get a minute of peace, constantly worrying about them and if they’re ok. You’ve done your years of holidaying with young kids. Plus it’s their Dad’s week with her and he is responsible for either taking time off work or finding child care, not foisting his daughter off on you! H*ll no.

The sister’s actual daughters want to go on holiday with their family, who also want them there. Why should they have to miss out?