Sisters children and step child and our holiday

All but 1 of the cousins are all girls.... we are doing out best to coax that particular tendancy out of them. I think my nieces had already had enough (they maybe just needed me to 'give them permission').

It must have become obvious that we went out whenever the kids were running solo though... I don't think I have ever been at the beach that early especially several days running on holiday (with a text to the remaining cousins to come find us when they woke!)

(teens then got out and sent the kids back to mum who huffed because she then had to go in)

Well done to the teens for sticking to their boundaries. Girls especially are conditioned to appease and to twist themselves in knots so that others don’t experience discomfort.

@Two2TooAlsoToToward Just to reply - rather belatedly... Because they decided they didn't want to I guess... They'd send the kids out in the morning before they were up to "go find <my teens/my brothers teens>", or they'd wait until the teens were in the pool and the younger kids would ask their mother if they could go in - she'd look at the pool see one of the teens in and say yes... without asking the teens. Bear in mind neither kid is a competent swimmer, the younger still in armbands, and the pool is not a beach shallow type it is probably 4ft deep at the shallowest part. (teens then got out and sent the kids back to mum who huffed because she then had to go in). The teens could have supervised the kids in the water and are all very competent swimmers. But the kids do not listen to instructions when in a safe room let alone in a pool so they just didn't want the stress - especially the youngest teen who is just 13.... it actually ended up with the teens and to a degree us buggering off to the neighbours' (our friends) instead - which OP wouldn't have the luxury of if she was actually responsible for the 7yr old.

There were many other issues too - lesson learnt we won't overlap with them again - shame for the cousins but...! (Hopefully I won't end up in the same situation where I am prepared to take the nieces but not the steps - because my answer would be the same...)

How are things @FallingDream?

Your sister is a moron. Honestly she will learn pretty quickly that won't work. The step kid isn't related to them and they know that. Did your sister get together with her hubby during an affair or anthing?

@FallingDream If you do it this time you are setting yourself up for doing it in the future too, possibly every time you go to see your parents. Make it clear that this is a family only visit, i.e your family. Does your sister's Very Important Job mean she'll wriggle out of seeing her parents ever again?

It’s step-daughter’s mum going on the hen do, not her step-mum! The step-mum (OP’s sister) is busy working.

Edit: i see this has been pointed out now already.

The sister hasn’t treated all three kids the same, she’s treated her own two kids worse, because she’s denied them a trip see their own grandparents.

OP would have likely said yes to step-niece coming if she was also a similar aged teen (14-16). OP’s sister is acting out of butt hurt not common sense.

I don’t think it’s fair to lump the step-mum in that. She’s working, not on a jolly! How was she supposed to predict she’s be needed for childcare?!

Step-dads never seem to be expected to take a week off work to babysit teenage nieces. The lack of a vagina seems to excuse them.

I would just say no to all of them.

She must be deranged to think it would still be a holiday for you if you had responsibility for someone else's 7yo on holiday around water. You couldn't even read a book without making sure you knew at all times where the child was.

Offer to take the child if she pays for a holiday nanny to come and keep an eye on her 24/7.

Could it be because its her SD ? What is their relationship like? Does she resent her ? Either way she is a cheeky fecker. just tell her you will only be taking the older kids end of ! And while you’re at it also let her know she’ll be having your kids for a “holiday” next year !

Your sister asking you to take her three children on a holiday is cheeky anyway IMO, but expecting you to take the seven-year-old and completely change the dynamic of your holiday is ridiculous. If you’re willing to take the elder two good for you. Tell her you’ll take the older too, but not the younger one because of all the reasons that come with looking after a seven year-old and none of them that had to do with her not being your blood niece.
If she doesn’t want you to take the older 2 because of that then you’ll go with your family.

As an aside, I’d also make sure the cost of the holiday is fully covered because otherwise you’re going to spend a significant amount of extra money to what you normally would. My nephew recently stayed with us for a week during the holidays and spent a lot of money on him - day trips, shops, food etc, it adds up. If you’ve got two teens that’s a lot of food and a lot of expense when you’re out and about. if you don’t mind paying a bit that’s fair enough, but you’re probably talking a couple of hundred pounds at least for a weeks holiday .

Way to go, sister. That’s how to build up resentment within your own DDs against the step child.

This sums it up rather well I think :)

And a spiteful CF at that, refusing to allow her own children to enjoy a holiday with their grandparents, punishing them to try to punish OP, just because OP won't bend the knee. The sister sounds both batshit and genuinely not very nice.

Excellent points @AnonyMumAuDHD

And as a PP asked upthread, do the OP's nieces get taken abroad by their step-sister's mother's family?

I very much doubt it.

If she regarded her step daughter as her daughter she’d do as she did when her own daughters were that age, then? Ie, juggle her hours to facilitate pick up and drop off at a holiday club and/or book time off work.

The fact that she is palming the child off so young, and seems not to have done this with hoer own children, indicates that SHE is not treating her DSD like her own.

But she is the one who married the man and agreed to take on his daughter ‘as though her own’. She can’t control other family members and make them respond on that same basis because DSD ISN’T their family in that sense. It’s cruel of DSis and her DH to use this poor child as a weapon in this way. Hardly any wonder he’s already once divorced, really is it? And perhaps the same can be said of DSis.

BTW I am a step child - I never expected to be treated the ‘same’, I knew I was an interloper and was very grateful for the love and attention I received, but it was never about me being seen as the same as my half siblings in the family. I didn’t have any family outside my mum, so the step fam were absolutely it. This child has a mother, a second home, and two sets of grandparents already. Why should the bio nieces be expected to share theirs?

Might not be as sinister as coercive control just another woman that puts her man above literally everyone else. Sad.

Just say no. They can take their kids to see your parents another time when they are able to take AL

I feel like the sister has basically prioritised her lazy husband over her own children, parents and sister here.

It would be a hard no from me. My youngest is 12 now and those days are behind me. I would never agree to be responsible for a seven year old child on holiday. Been there, done that.

The latest news from @FallingDream makes me wonder about the state of her sister's marriage.

The OP's sister is prepared to piss off her actual daughters, her sister, and her parents, to prove to her DH that she regards his daughter as her daughter.

There's the whisper of a coercive relationship there - or at the very least, emotional blackmail from her husband (which the sister is then visiting on her biological family).

I adore my nephew and when he qas young took him away several times in the UK. I didnt take him abroad until he was 16! Too much responsibility when they are younger than 12 i think.

This! And why on earth has it become the OP’s problem to solve?

Does your sister have form for behaving in such a manipulative way? Or do you think this behaviour and her latest reaction have trickled down from her partner who was expecting everyone to sort out his child care problem and is now annoyed with her?