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Original poster

Husband won't drive

185 replies

Tdp123 · 23/08/2026 13:18

My husband has a driving license but decided about 15 years ago that he doesn't like driving, so he hasn't been behind the wheel since.

We are currently on holiday in a remote part of the UK—a destination that he chose and booked. We both enjoy having a drink with dinner.

Tonight is our last night, and he is currently throwing a massive strop. He even called me a "cunt" because I am refusing to drive 30 minutes each way to go out for dinner, which would mean he gets to drink while I have to stay sober to drive us back.

I have cooked, served, and washed up every single evening on this holiday. I am happy to do the same tonight, especially since we have plenty of nice food and drink right here in our beautiful accommodation that will otherwise go to waste.

Am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
OhamIreally · 24/08/2026 14:35

Presumably OP has not come back because she’s driving. Hopefully on her own.

Empress13 · 24/08/2026 13:31

Why are you even with him OP? Are you frightened of him? Has he ever hit you ?

Laurmolonlabe · 24/08/2026 11:52

I future flatly refuse to go anywhere that involves a lot of driving- or involves driving at all.
It's pure selfishness expecting you to do it all.

SassyLemonFish · 24/08/2026 06:48

How old are you both? Is he retired? Is the outburst and language used out of character?

Dobeebeedah · 23/08/2026 21:30

He would be angry: Well there you are then! There is far more to this situation than having a drink with OP's dinner! He is a Violent Abuser. Maybe that is why he no longer drives: he is a violent person and cannot be trusted behind the wheel of a car. OP is being bullied and is the victim of DV.

InOverMyHead84 · 23/08/2026 21:29

Only one c*nt present there.

Hint, It's not her.

BagpipeBoss · 23/08/2026 20:36

Your husband isn’t treating you like a partner — he’s treating you like the unpaid help. He picked a remote holiday knowing he refuses to drive, let you cook and clean every night, and now he’s furious because you won’t chauffeur him so he can drink.

Calling you a “cunt” on top of that just confirms it: he expects service, not equality. You’re not refusing dinner. You’re refusing to play maid, driver, and verbal punchbag all at once.

Flyingdolphins · 23/08/2026 20:32

I feel like there's a lot more to this than the driving thing. I can't think of a scenario in which my DP would EVER call me a cunt. That's not ok OP. Are you getting anything out of this relationship other than being his chauffeur, chef and cleaner?

Elsvieta · 23/08/2026 20:29

Tdp123 · 23/08/2026 18:31

That'd be guaranteed to make him even angrier.

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And? Anger isn't an argument.

Maybe it's time to get angry yourself. Very angry.

thetinsoldier · 23/08/2026 20:10

Why have you been cooking every night?

He sounds like a cunt, not you.

What do you want to do?

Chilihealer · 23/08/2026 19:25

I hope you haven’t made him dinner!

MarthaLovesLaughing · 23/08/2026 19:18

Tdp123 · 23/08/2026 18:31

That'd be guaranteed to make him even angrier.

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And?

You're frightened of him, aren't you?

Hes abusive, coercive and controlling

Get divorced

arethereanyleftatall · 23/08/2026 19:13

Tdp123 · 23/08/2026 18:31

That'd be guaranteed to make him even angrier.

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I hope this thread has made you realise you are in an abusive relationship with a horrible man, and I hope you can get yourself in a position to leave him. You don’t have to live like this.

and just on this particular point - why would you behaving exactly like he has done make him angry? If he doesn’t drive you out for dinner tonight given you want a drink, would you call him a cunt?

Coconutter24 · 23/08/2026 18:47

Tdp123 · 23/08/2026 18:31

That'd be guaranteed to make him even angrier.

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Well then I suggest when you get home you leave him if you can’t before. You have to stay in line and not make him angry? Nah leave him

Mycatmax · 23/08/2026 18:46

I can’t believe you are still there with him. He called you a cunt and appears to despise you.

Where’s your self respect?

Lucyccfc68 · 23/08/2026 18:43

Tdp123 · 23/08/2026 18:31

That'd be guaranteed to make him even angrier.

Show quote history

Ah, so he is not only a selfish cunt, but an aggressive one too.

Time for an exit plan. You 100% deserve better.

poetryandwine · 23/08/2026 18:42

Bogliasco · 23/08/2026 16:57

Also for a woman more than 2 units a day is technically binge drinking. One can of my favourite cider is 2.3 units so finishing the can is binge drinking. What utter nonsense that a woman in her 40s can't finish one can of cider without being judged as a binge drinker who should have grown out of it in her 20s.

WHO and gov.uk define binge drinking as more than 6 units in a day for a woman. However it is recommended that we have no more than 2 units per day .

There is a lot of air between those statements.

Lucyccfc68 · 23/08/2026 18:41

Tdp123 · 23/08/2026 13:32

Well, I'm perfectly happy to cook and clean up, and drive 99% of the time, but I do like a glass of wine with my dinner when I'm on holiday.

And therein lies the problem. You do far too much and have set the bar that low, that he expects you to do everything, whilst he is a cunt who makes no effort at all.

3luckystars · 23/08/2026 18:41

he is a total loser

gardenflowergirl · 23/08/2026 18:40

He's manipulating you with his anger, that is coercive control.

poetryandwine · 23/08/2026 18:36

Are you afraid to make him angry, OP?

Original poster
Tdp123 · 23/08/2026 18:31

Coconutter24 · 23/08/2026 18:23

Did he randomly decide he doesn’t like driving or did something happen to make him dislike driving? I would tell him you’re happy to go but can he drive so you can have a drink for once. I would also be questioning why you’re a cunt for not driving but he isn’t?

That'd be guaranteed to make him even angrier.

OP posts:
Coconutter24 · 23/08/2026 18:23

Did he randomly decide he doesn’t like driving or did something happen to make him dislike driving? I would tell him you’re happy to go but can he drive so you can have a drink for once. I would also be questioning why you’re a cunt for not driving but he isn’t?

NegativeFreak · 23/08/2026 17:56

What's the refusal to drive about?

Wondering as an ex of mine was alcoholic and never not pissed so i, by default, was designated driver and NEVER got to have a drink with dinner.

If your hubby is a drinker, you have my sympathies. Living with an alcoholic is shit.

PinkyFlamingo · 23/08/2026 17:50

Tdp123 · 23/08/2026 13:42

Could do, but it would be at least 50 quid each way which would put me off.

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Just read this....does the fact he called you a cunt not put you off more? 🤔