AIBU to change schools over my husband helping a neighbour?

Goodness grief. Where do you even start with this.

You should have moved county. Neighbour is still a neighbour I take?

You know he could just talk to your neighbour and not do a school run? Changing schools is a huge upheaval for your children

I’m guessing you perceive her as attractive op. And that’s why you’re so threatened, the thing is you’re still living next door to her, he will still see her.

whay are you going to do, all the school runs so he can’t talk to any other attractive women?

I would have concerns that you aren’t able to prioritise your children’s needs above your own manipulative game playing towards your husband.
This decision has nothing to do with what is in the best interests of your children and everything to do with exerting power and punishing your husband.
You can say oh it’s a better school etc but the reality is it was a knee jerk response to show your husband there are “consequences” and your children were the very last consideration to your plan.

If anything was going on he'd have told the neighbour immediately. Surely the fact she was clueless is a sign that the perceived closeness is all in your imagination? You obviously don't trust him if you think this woman may be able to entice him into wrongdoing.

You are unhinged!!

You're moving schools because of this. Wow.

This must be up there with the most bonkers thing I have read on here.

You moved your children's school because your dh walked with your neighbour!
So you are quite happy to turn their lives upside down because you lack the kahunas to have this out with your dh.

Do not underestimate the upheaval of moving schools, speaking as someone who moved school. I had my twin, so we always had each other, but it was massive for both of us.
We moved house and I kept both my kids in school and hour away so they didn't have to go what we went through.

Did you consider your children in all this at all?

Are you serious?!! Honestly I hope this is a wind up

So is this your children's second change of school if you moved two years ago?

You are unhinged.

Uprooting your child because you have trust issues is beyond words…

Did you post this for a clap on the back and a big well done? Reverse the genders here OP;

If a husband didn't want his wife fraternizing with a neighbour and unilaterally decided to change the kids' schools to stop her walking/talking with said neighbour... That's control. Do you routinely isolate him away from people you don't like?

And I'm not surprised she often blanks you! You don't sound like a very nice person.

You really can't be uprooting the kids and disrupting their education every time your dh forgets his boundaries or your urge to control his behaviour gets the upper hand.

Identify and address the real problem or it will just follow the kids to their new school.

What will you do next time you think a woman is showing him attention?

It's a you problem. Or possibly a DH problem. Your kids should not be affected in the crossfire.

You are utterly batshit. I feel sorry for your DC and your DH as well.

"I trust him, it's HER I don't trust!"

facepalm

If you trust him, you don't need to trust her...

You have serious issues, and your kids are bearing the brunt.

@Schoolchanging based on the information given, moving schools does seem like an extreme reaction and not actually dealing with the problem.

OP are you getting any mental health support? Do you understand that you will eventually drive your family away with this controlling behaviour?

So you unilaterally changed their school to put a stop to it? Wow. That's incredibly controlling. If dh pulled that stunt because I wouldn't obey him I'd be gone.

Heck wrong thread!

I am assuming this isn’t the first school move?

If the neighbour is giving you bad vibes then deal with it without causing your children upheaval. Get a grip and put your children’s needs first!

She sounds ADHD along with PDA which is autism related. The lack of washing is likely a sensory thing mixed with teenage-hood. Also with PDA, the higher her anxiety, the higher her need to control her environment. Personally in your shoes I’d completely step back from sorting and nagging about the bedroom state. Both are stressful to her and increase her controling behaviours. Thats her space and the most I’d do is remove plates/bowls/cups and gift her a laundry basket for her room. Completely step back as you’re getting nowhere going head to head and need to try a different approach. I’d also step back from asking her to do things in shared spaces, you need to change the dynamics first and build a more constructive rapport so that she doesn’t feel got at all the time and feels valued. Focus on exploring some shared interests and having fun together without constantly negativity.and conflict. Improving your relationship is priority for now.

She will only take a car load of stuff to uni and this is quite helpful. The less she takes there, the easier it is to stay on top of things if she wants to.

Deep clean her room im your house after shes left for uni in a few weeks time.

Tell her she can ring you about concerns and when she does this, find constructive ways to help her find solutions.

Support her to make links with student services. You can always chat to them directly about the self care and studying concerns.

if she becomes ready to make changes, employ a declutterer who can help her streamline and create systems for laundry, studying etc. Owning less really helps

They leave at the same time and are going to the same place - how did you expect him to change the situation - just tell the neighbour that his wife is controlling and won't let him speak to other women - or did you want him to be specific and say that you had a problem with her a she is too intense and isn't as friendly with you (who doesn't do the school run so she can't be)
BTW if you come across as totally insane in real life as you do on this post, that is why she isn't as friendly with you as she is with your easy going DH
Just imagine how you would feel (as well as Mumsnet) if it was the other way round and your DH was telling you who you could and couldn't be friends with based on their paranoia

I was going to make a sarcastic post about you needing to send your children to boarding school.

I won't but I will tell you that from my own experience 3 primary schools was very damaging to me.

Stop hurting your children on a whim.

Just when you think there can't be any more batshit posts on MN!

Sorry OP, the odd person here is you, not your neighbour. I feel for your DH and your children, you are insane.