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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to change schools over my husband helping a neighbour?

434 replies

Schoolchanging · 23/08/2026 11:46

Dh had always done school drop off and pick up due to my work hours and over the last 18 months I’d got increasingly irritated by him walking with or giving a lift to a neighbour whose child goes to the same school.

So I decided we would change dc to a different school a little further away and they are due to start there in a couple of weeks.

I didn’t want to spend time on discussions and boundaries and wanted to just eliminate the stress on our relationship. I told him I wasn’t comfortable that I’d asked him to stop and as he wasn’t I was changing schools to which he said ‘fine that’s your choice’. Dc are ok about it as we know people who go to the new school as well.

Neighbour has just spoken to us as we were leaving at the same time and she said to dh ‘back to the usual routine soon then!’ And I said ‘actually no, dc are going to be at a different school so all change for us !’ To which she turned to dh and said ‘why haven’t you told me this already?’ Which I found odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
Schoolchanging · 23/08/2026 13:49

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 23/08/2026 13:47

Surely you’d have been better moving house though as she is still your neighbour?

but yes yabu

The only contact was due to school so it’s a lot easier to change schools than sell our house !

The dc have friends at the new school too and it’s actually a better and bigger school with better wraparound care so it will be a benefit in the long run.

OP posts:
Enoughofpeopleenough · 23/08/2026 13:48

You've completely prioritised yourself over your children. You've completely overreacted.

Frugalgal · 23/08/2026 13:48

Schoolchanging · 23/08/2026 11:46

Dh had always done school drop off and pick up due to my work hours and over the last 18 months I’d got increasingly irritated by him walking with or giving a lift to a neighbour whose child goes to the same school.

So I decided we would change dc to a different school a little further away and they are due to start there in a couple of weeks.

I didn’t want to spend time on discussions and boundaries and wanted to just eliminate the stress on our relationship. I told him I wasn’t comfortable that I’d asked him to stop and as he wasn’t I was changing schools to which he said ‘fine that’s your choice’. Dc are ok about it as we know people who go to the new school as well.

Neighbour has just spoken to us as we were leaving at the same time and she said to dh ‘back to the usual routine soon then!’ And I said ‘actually no, dc are going to be at a different school so all change for us !’ To which she turned to dh and said ‘why haven’t you told me this already?’ Which I found odd.

You're not mad to trust your gut feelings but you are mad to change your kids' school - that won't change anything. If there was something to be suspicious about they can still see each other any time they want.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 23/08/2026 13:47

Surely you’d have been better moving house though as she is still your neighbour?

but yes yabu

Spacedsunshine1 · 23/08/2026 13:47

This cannot be real (I hope for the DC sake)

FieryA · 23/08/2026 13:45

Your behaviour is very extreme and irrational. You haven't spent a second thinking about how moving schools will impact your children. It's all about you and your irritation. You didn't want to speak to your husband about boundaries, so you chose to change schools? Who does that? Are you incapable of holding a mature conversation with your husband? And what happens if something similar occurs in the new school?

Original poster
Schoolchanging · 23/08/2026 13:44

He has other female friends and colleagues. It’s just one person I have an issue with. She’s overbearing and intense and he seems to just want to spend time with her and I don’t like it.
Plus I want to start doing the school run and new school is near my work as I’ve felt like I’m missing out not doing it.

OP posts:
JoWilkinsonsno1fan · 23/08/2026 13:33

This cannot be true!!! you’re poor kids having to be uprooted because of your nonsense. (Unless there is a big drip feed here and your H has been shagging the neighbour!!)

MCF86 · 23/08/2026 13:30

How's changing schools actually stopping anything, I'm sure they weren't walking along holding hands in front of DCs, and she lives nearby he could pop round every lunch time if he wanted to. Or are you going to move house too? What about the next neighbour he says hello to? Are you sure he's not shagging the checkout lady at Asda when he goes to buy milk? Maybe it's just best if he never leaves the house.

Strawberrydelight78 · 23/08/2026 13:17

He does all drop offs and pick ups of course he will get friendly with other parents as you would as well. Are you going to change schools each time he gets friendly with another parent?

PinkyFlamingo · 23/08/2026 13:16

Lots things missing from this especially what it was about original situation that bothered you? Don't you think that might have been helpful to include? Otherwise it makes you out to be some crazy person that changes their kids school just because another woman talks to her husband

Everybodysinthehousetonight · 23/08/2026 13:15

Nah this is too batshit to be true.

MyDeftDuck · 23/08/2026 13:12

To which she turned to dh and said ‘why haven’t you told me this already?’……….at which point I would have said…..” we’re telling you now”!

Queenncat · 23/08/2026 13:03

Another fake thread?

SweetnsourNZ · 23/08/2026 13:01

blythet · 23/08/2026 12:01

Just a thought - she’ll still be a neighbour. Maybe you need to move house too

I was thinking that too. Are they going to havevto move house?

Weeellokthen · 23/08/2026 13:00

😂

Summeriscumin · 23/08/2026 13:00

Op, I don't have enough words to describe how utterly unreasonable you are.

I feel so sorry for your children and your DH. I suspect he'll leave soon because of your unreasonable behaviour.

JamJar187 · 23/08/2026 13:00

Missing the point of this thread, but your neighbour should be making their own arrangements for their child/ren to get to/from school themselves!

ThisLuckyOpalShaker · 23/08/2026 12:58

you sound insane. Poor kids

WindsorGreatPark · 23/08/2026 12:57

If he is going to have an affair with her, changing schools isn't going to stop him. Or stop him talking to other people. It might even encourage him!

Mozartsbiggestfan · 23/08/2026 12:57

Changing schools isn’t a simple process, especially when they already have a place in a school. You went to all that effort because your husband spent time with a friend? What does your child think? Does the new school have a better reputation, is the location better, what about parking, the commute and all the other jobs that get tagged onto the school run?

user85642879067 · 23/08/2026 12:53

Madness - you do realise there will be women walking/driving kids to the new school too, what if he makes a friend going in the same direction there too.

What on earth are you going to say when people ask why you’ve moved schools? DH was chatting to a neighbour? 😂

Gonners · 23/08/2026 12:50

Ponoka7 · 23/08/2026 12:40

It isn't odd, they are school-parent-friends and a child changing schools is a big event, not that you (or your DH) give a shit, so you'd expect it mentioned, to a neighbour you chat to. Have you considered that she's a decoy and the lollipop lady is the real OW?

The lollipop lady at the other school, perhaps?

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/08/2026 12:49

This is possibly the most irrational thing I have ever read on here (and the competition is fierce).

Either there is a huge back story with trust in your husband which you have completely glossed over with your comment about “boundaries” or you are pathologically jealous and controlling.

You are choosing to uproot your children because you have the hump about your husband giving someone a lift to school? What the actual? If you actually suspect cheating you have a much bigger problem which you won’t fix by changing schools. If you don’t suspect cheating you are just a control freak.

Either way, the solution you are imposing is a bit like using a nuclear weapon to remove a stain from clothing: vastly and disproportionately destructive to your children, your marriage and your life.

You need to be honest with yourself about what the real problem is here. There’s a lot more going on than what you have disclosed.

unabashedopossum · 23/08/2026 12:45

What did I just read?! This can’t be real. If it is then this is abusive towards both the husband and the children.