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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to change schools over my husband helping a neighbour?

434 replies

Schoolchanging · 23/08/2026 11:46

Dh had always done school drop off and pick up due to my work hours and over the last 18 months I’d got increasingly irritated by him walking with or giving a lift to a neighbour whose child goes to the same school.

So I decided we would change dc to a different school a little further away and they are due to start there in a couple of weeks.

I didn’t want to spend time on discussions and boundaries and wanted to just eliminate the stress on our relationship. I told him I wasn’t comfortable that I’d asked him to stop and as he wasn’t I was changing schools to which he said ‘fine that’s your choice’. Dc are ok about it as we know people who go to the new school as well.

Neighbour has just spoken to us as we were leaving at the same time and she said to dh ‘back to the usual routine soon then!’ And I said ‘actually no, dc are going to be at a different school so all change for us !’ To which she turned to dh and said ‘why haven’t you told me this already?’ Which I found odd.

OP posts:
EwwStew · 24/08/2026 04:19

This has to be a windup surely? No mother, even a shitty one, would disrupt their child's life over something so daft. I've seen some children (the quiet shy type) never get over switching schools socially.

I don't care if he was fucking her, you don't do that to your children unless it is for a very good reason.

It is all completely pointless anyway. If he is going to have an affair with her, then he is going to have an affair with her. Doesn't matter if you move schools, house or anything else.

If you wanted to disrupt any life over this, it should have been your own i.e. change jobs so that you do the school run now.

Bat shit.

user1492757084 · 24/08/2026 04:02

The new school is better in many ways.

The clingy neighbour won't be a problem.
Sometimes it is really hard to politely say no to needy people. Your DH is possibly very kind.

IglesiasPiggl · 24/08/2026 03:58

Good grief, how incredibly self absorbed. You don't mention what's best for your children anywhere. Just gobsmacking

11AndCounting · 24/08/2026 03:56

Just wow.

EmailsaysOOO · 24/08/2026 03:48

As others are saying, this is insane..Good luck OP

raspberryrisotto · 24/08/2026 03:36

What have I just read?

OP you sound as if you have major control issues. This is not normal behaviour at all.

If my DP behaved like this, serious words would be being had.

JustMeSimply · 24/08/2026 03:28

Can't stand the controlling feature your showing and don't bother with all the excuses it's a better school etc etc...Your bizarre and I wouldn't stay married...my dh has done school run for years and regularly takes a neighbour and her two kids especially during winter, I couldn't care less, I'm just glad he enjoyed helping someone out

Ilovelifeverymuch · 24/08/2026 01:37

Schoolchanging · 23/08/2026 21:00

I did ! He carried on with the walking together and lifts it’s in my OP

Sounds like an over reaction but whatever. What exactly are you looking for here? You feel how you feel, you've made your decision and moved the kids, what's the point of going back and forth on mumsnet???

I'm assuming your husband was supportive of the school change, if that's what you both decided is what you need to do then move on.

patooties · 24/08/2026 01:27

Goodness grief. What have I just read?

you have disrupted your kids schooling because you are jealous? I’d laugh but my god ‘those poor kids, your poor partner’ I’ve not read the whole thread - unless he’s been shagging around with anything with a pulse you are really really really U.

BudgetBuster · 24/08/2026 01:15

Schoolchanging · 23/08/2026 21:00

I did ! He carried on with the walking together and lifts it’s in my OP

And he's damn well entitled to walk and talk to whomever he wants... do you not realise how controlling you sound?.

"I trust him but he isn't allowed talk to qho I want and if he does, I'll make sure our children pay the consequences"

😬😬

ColdAsAWitches · 23/08/2026 23:56

Absolutely mental. If my husband told me he had changed our child's school because I was talking to a neighbour on the way to school, I would divorce him. It is psychotic behavior to mess a child about so much, for such a shit reason. Whatever your disagreement with your husband, you're fucking about with your child's life because of it.

blythet · 23/08/2026 23:31

Ffs 13% of MN actually think this is reasonable? 🤦🏽‍♀️ I give up

HowardsWahey · 23/08/2026 23:06

Schoolchanging · 23/08/2026 14:22

I trust him he has female friends and colleagues. I think it’s just her I don’t trust or like so just limiting the opportunity for contact as dh kept carrying on associating with her.

It’s easier to change schools than move we only moved here 2.5 years ago and it was a big move (wales to north of England) so def don’t want to move again soon if ever. I just don’t like how she acts she also rarely speaks to me on many occasions has blanked me totally.

You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. Dragging your children into this ridiculous paranoia.

NotAnotherScarf · 23/08/2026 22:48

One thing I have just noticed is that the op doesn't say if her children get on with the neighbours children. Or how they feel about changing school.

What if he's travelling with the neighbour because the kids really get on and they would be upset to be stopped?

NotAnotherScarf · 23/08/2026 22:46

Aiming4Optimistic · 23/08/2026 17:14

So if a neighbour blanked you, but cosied up to your husband, you'd be okay with him continuing to talk to her? Do the school run with her? You wouldn't find it disloyal behaviour on his part, since married couples are supposed to value each other above everyone else? Because I would. If anyone is rude to me, my dh doesn't act all friendly with them. I'd expect him to shut that right down.

Given the ops behaviour here, don't think there might be a reason why the neighbour doesn't want to interact with her?

Perhaps the neighbour feels sorry for the husband, who clearly is too scared to say anything to his wife.

catlover123456789 · 23/08/2026 22:36

You changed your kids' school instead of dealing with the issues in your relationship? Wow.

Twoweeksinaugust · 23/08/2026 21:19

Absolutely no way is this true.

neversaynever9281872 · 23/08/2026 21:17

Sounds like a decision I would make (in my head) when I was due on. Are you ok?

oustedbymymate · 23/08/2026 21:11

This is insane. Actually insane

OneTipsyDreamer · 23/08/2026 21:08

This is wild. You’re acting like you’ve solved the problem?? You asked your husband not to be friends with someone you don’t like and he continued to do so. That is the problem. Your husband should be your best friend, biggest supporter and definitely want to be on the same team as you. But instead of facing that, you’ve changed your kids school?!

Dancingonlies · 23/08/2026 21:05

That’s awful. Your kids should absolutely not have the stress of moving school because you can’t communicate with your husband.
The rights and wrongs of the lift giving pale into insignificance compared with the careless way you are treating your kids.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 23/08/2026 21:01

Schoolchanging · 23/08/2026 21:00

I did ! He carried on with the walking together and lifts it’s in my OP

At the end of the day without being blunt if something is going on it’s going on - this is really unfair on your child changing schools

Schoolchanging · 23/08/2026 21:00

Besidemyselfwithworry · 23/08/2026 20:46

This is just beyond mental -
moving schools is a massive upheaval I absolutely wouldn’t have done this I’d have just spoken to him about the neighbour.

I did ! He carried on with the walking together and lifts it’s in my OP

OP posts:
Millytante · 23/08/2026 20:59

Has he no interest at all in their school/education? Weird that it’s ‘your choice’.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 23/08/2026 20:46

This is just beyond mental -
moving schools is a massive upheaval I absolutely wouldn’t have done this I’d have just spoken to him about the neighbour.