Page 7 | AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

Ailiss · 2026-08-23T09:56:34+00:00

So, I have woken up this morning to a fairly devastating message and my husband is not helping at all. To cut a long story short, I have woken up to a message from one of the mums at DS's school telling me that both on Friday when she dropped her DD off (Scotland so we went back last week), and yesterday when she dropped her DD off at Gymnastics and went to sit in her car (DS goes to gymnastics too), my DH made some sexual advances on her. She didn't elaborate, I have asked her to but she messaged around 9pm last night and I only just saw it when I woke up this morning, so she might be busy this morning and just hasn't seen my reply. I asked DH for more info, and he said thats just not true. He claims he hardly spoke to her on Friday, and yesterday when he saw her parked up offered to buy her a coffee, so he did then they sat in her car together, he claims nothing else happened. However last year he did make a joke about some of the mums of DS's friends being "smoking hot, 10/10s". I know this woman fairly well, she is married, but much younger than us, maybe mid-20s, DH and I are knocking on 40. I actually went to school with her older brother and remember her when she was very small! AIBU to think DH is just lying to me? What would she get out of sending me that if it wasn't true?

Shelby2010 · 23/08/2026 16:39

Get him one of those booklets that get handed to immigrants - the one that points out sexual harassment is a crime & unacceptable in this society.

TheEponymousGrub · 23/08/2026 16:37

Voneska · 23/08/2026 14:06

Listen Honey, I'm a Mature Woman and I have something to tell you. IF , I, as a woman was getting all hot and steamy with your Man; would I message you. ?????????
The ONLY scenario in which I would do that would be: IF I fancied him, had exchanged a few words in passing, and he made it plain he WASNT INTERESTED ; then I would be so incensed that I would do something nasty.

But we know that THAT scenario did not happen. If it had, the DH would have offered it as the explanation.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 23/08/2026 16:37

Voneska · 23/08/2026 14:06

Listen Honey, I'm a Mature Woman and I have something to tell you. IF , I, as a woman was getting all hot and steamy with your Man; would I message you. ?????????
The ONLY scenario in which I would do that would be: IF I fancied him, had exchanged a few words in passing, and he made it plain he WASNT INTERESTED ; then I would be so incensed that I would do something nasty.

That's just batshite! Maybe that's what YOU would do, but a reasonable and decent woman who values herself would let a wife know if her DH was making untoward remarks and making the woman uncomfortable.

HouseBee · 23/08/2026 16:36

A good man, learning he has made someone deeply uncomfortable, would be ashamed and would apologise. He didn’t. Nope.

Did you notice he made it HER fault? He can’t have said this. He never had had intentions etc…
Sonshe is the one who is making g a mountain out if a molehill. Classic predatory reaction

sheisforrealatiger · 23/08/2026 16:33

Rachelshair · 23/08/2026 16:13

No way I'd be saying "where?" In reply to a kid activity dad saying "I know where that skirt would look good", still less would I take a coffee off him the day after and tell him about my hobbies. Saying "but we're married" is like going "oh, behave!" It is not shutting it down at all. She's either very naive, a bit of a troublemaker, and/or was happy to flirt mildly until he made it clear he would progress it and she panicked. Your husband is a massive creep as well though, he was clearly trying it on and yes this won't be the first time. He should not be chatting up mums or getting in their cars, it's very intrusive.

I know what you mean. It’s possible she didn’t twig where he was going and maybe thought he was going to say something different. It’s not the usual form for that sentiment (which is just usually “that skirt would look better on my bedroom floor”).

But it’s also possible, given the other stuff she went along with that she just thought it was harmless flirting, until it went too far. Then she doesn’t want to admit she was sort of flirting back because that would look like she’d encouraged it (which maybe she did but without thinking he’d actually act on it).

EveryoneUsingOutro · 23/08/2026 16:31

Ailiss · 23/08/2026 11:37

So, she has replied, my husband has just gone out to the shop so I can't get his take right now but she said. On Friday she was wearing a skirt and he said "I can think of places that skirt would look better", she said when she went along saying where? he said "on the bedroom floor". She says she laughed and said to him they are both married.

Then yesterday they were talking about hobbies, and when she mentioned her hobbies, he said, so you are flexible? and then said, shame you are married. He then apparently touched her on the back when they were walking in to get the kids. She claimed she was uncomfortable having him sat in the car, but got a bit anxious about saying no, as he could see she was only reading.

I still don't see why she would lie?

Urgh. I have the ick just reading that. Didn’t realise anyone still used that bedroom floor line since around 1998.

EveryoneUsingOutro · 23/08/2026 16:28

Mycatmax · 23/08/2026 11:14

The thing that seems odd to me is that if DH “made sexual advances” to her on Friday, why did she accept his offer of coffee and sit in her car with him on Saturday?

Other than that, my opinion of men is rather low so 🤷‍♀️

Ah yes didn’t pick up on that. Hmm.

Anyahyacinth · 23/08/2026 16:27

NOTANUM · 23/08/2026 16:18

^^ I’m thinking this too

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Me 3

EveryoneUsingOutro · 23/08/2026 16:27

Ailiss · 23/08/2026 11:04

I guess, between last years comment, and then some issues like arguing we have had lately it seemed believable, I also just can't think of why she would lie?

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The main reason people lie like this, would be to split you up and nab him for herself.

Id bet my house she’s telling the truth though and is not interested in your DH, but wants you to know what a scuzzball he is.

Anyahyacinth · 23/08/2026 16:26

Voneska · 23/08/2026 14:06

Listen Honey, I'm a Mature Woman and I have something to tell you. IF , I, as a woman was getting all hot and steamy with your Man; would I message you. ?????????
The ONLY scenario in which I would do that would be: IF I fancied him, had exchanged a few words in passing, and he made it plain he WASNT INTERESTED ; then I would be so incensed that I would do something nasty.

That’s utterly ridiculous

Rachelshair · 23/08/2026 16:24

OneNaiceSnail · 23/08/2026 16:15

A 20 year old is likely to feel more vulnerable and scared by a 40 year old man. Which is why he chose her to prey on. He’d have been coming home with teeth missing if he’d have tried this with most women his age

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She's married with 2 kids though. Not an easily intimidated teenager.
Most 20 somethings are well able to tell unwanted men to get lost. Though they shouldn't have to, obviously.

BillieWiper · 23/08/2026 16:23

Yeah just imagine if you were accused of propositioning a school dad.

Your immediate reaction would be absolute fury. Indignant rage. 'What?! Why the fuck would he say that about me? What a nutter! I can't believe he'd allege that..' etc etc.

Rather than a very calm and measured response. If someone was telling lies about your fidelity you'd be extremely pissed off. He wasn't.

NOTANUM · 23/08/2026 16:18

Victorius19 · 23/08/2026 15:30

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

He's a creep who is testing the waters.

^^ I’m thinking this too

OneNaiceSnail · 23/08/2026 16:15

Netcurtainnelly · 23/08/2026 15:37

Would it be ok if she was the same age then? Can't see what age has got to do with it.

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A 20 year old is likely to feel more vulnerable and scared by a 40 year old man. Which is why he chose her to prey on. He’d have been coming home with teeth missing if he’d have tried this with most women his age

Rachelshair · 23/08/2026 16:13

No way I'd be saying "where?" In reply to a kid activity dad saying "I know where that skirt would look good", still less would I take a coffee off him the day after and tell him about my hobbies. Saying "but we're married" is like going "oh, behave!" It is not shutting it down at all. She's either very naive, a bit of a troublemaker, and/or was happy to flirt mildly until he made it clear he would progress it and she panicked. Your husband is a massive creep as well though, he was clearly trying it on and yes this won't be the first time. He should not be chatting up mums or getting in their cars, it's very intrusive.

Evaka · 23/08/2026 16:11

I'm surprised at how many people think this is a police matter. His behaviour is shocking and unacceptable but the way the two women involved are handling it seems really smart to me. But perhaps I'm so desensitised to scummy male behaviour that I can't distinguish between inappropriate and criminal.

GameOfJones · 23/08/2026 16:06

Netcurtainnelly · 23/08/2026 15:37

Would it be ok if she was the same age then? Can't see what age has got to do with it.

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It wouldn't be ok but I'm also pushing 40 and the fact this utter sleazeball is coming onto a young woman in her 20s is gross, I agree with the PP. A 25 year old to me seems almost like a teenager. Nowadays I'd have told OP's husband to fuck off but when I was in my 20s I wasn't as confident and I can imagine I'd have played nice and done the same as this young woman in the circumstances, it's what young women are conditioned to do.

His chat up lines are misogynistic, he forced his way into her car like a predator and doesn't care that they're both married and her baby was in the car. He is absolutely disgusting! What does he think a young, attractive 20 something would see in him anyway.... he'll be practically middle aged to her!

outerspacepotato · 23/08/2026 15:54

He's also preying on a young woman who is 3 months postpartum and had her young infant with her. She's still in the fourth trimester.

She's extremely vulnerable.

3luckystars · 23/08/2026 15:51

Hanksness · 23/08/2026 14:47

Poor woman with a 3 month old, trying to catch a few minutes peace before pick up, and your creepy husband has to prey upon her.

So shocking.
I hope she tells her partner and he kicks up a stink.
He used the childrens relationship to force his way into a confined space.
He 100% took advantage of her vulnerability.
I would feel so intimidated in her position, with the baby in the car.

This is one of those situations where 101 should be called, reporting him.
Put him on their radar.

Definitely worth having a conversation with her.

I'm so sorry, but you have no idea who you are married to.

This is so not normal behaviour and is a huge red flag.

I agree the thought of her sitting there just after giving birth weeks ago and he climbing into her car, it’s absolutely disgusting me.

JumpBoyJump · 23/08/2026 15:48

Voneska · 23/08/2026 14:06

Listen Honey, I'm a Mature Woman and I have something to tell you. IF , I, as a woman was getting all hot and steamy with your Man; would I message you. ?????????
The ONLY scenario in which I would do that would be: IF I fancied him, had exchanged a few words in passing, and he made it plain he WASNT INTERESTED ; then I would be so incensed that I would do something nasty.

This

Mycatisreal · 23/08/2026 15:47

A violation of her personal space let alone the sexist sleaze he was meant to have come out with. 🤮

Lou2026 · 23/08/2026 15:47

Sorry you're going through this.

I am pleased the other mum spoke up and felt able to tell you.

If hes done it to her theres a good chance hes done it to others before. As others say, I would keep your head down, get your finances and life admin in order, you dont have to leave, you do you, but you'll know where you stand.

Mycatisreal · 23/08/2026 15:39

Hanksness · 23/08/2026 14:47

Poor woman with a 3 month old, trying to catch a few minutes peace before pick up, and your creepy husband has to prey upon her.

So shocking.
I hope she tells her partner and he kicks up a stink.
He used the childrens relationship to force his way into a confined space.
He 100% took advantage of her vulnerability.
I would feel so intimidated in her position, with the baby in the car.

This is one of those situations where 101 should be called, reporting him.
Put him on their radar.

Definitely worth having a conversation with her.

I'm so sorry, but you have no idea who you are married to.

This is so not normal behaviour and is a huge red flag.

100 per cent. With a baby in the car. Wrong on so many levels

Netcurtainnelly · 23/08/2026 15:37

Disturbia81 · 23/08/2026 11:00

Gross, mid 20s!

Would it be ok if she was the same age then? Can't see what age has got to do with it.

SmashThePatriarchy · 23/08/2026 15:35

EverMerge · 23/08/2026 14:30

If my first thought is he’s guilty then we wouldn’t have a relationship would we? My first thought would be she’s confused my dh or made it up. Would you not believe your dh!?

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My first thought would be deep suspicion. I would have to hear the finer details to reach a firm conclusion but I don’t believe this woman has anything to gain from lying.