AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

I think he’s completely freaked her out. The first comment about her skirt was disgusting but getting in her car is something else!
As soon as I read that I thought, he’s done that to intimidate her, disguised as friendliness, he could see he could get away with it. He’s a sexual predator OP, and that young woman has been very brave contacting you.

It's understandable why women don't come forward because there's societal conditioning to think women are lying and they after some middle-aged paunchy balding creep of another woman's husband

She was quite brave to come forward

The husband seems to have form for this because both times he ambushed her when she was vulnerable and it wouldn't have been appropriate to make a scene

the first time with her children standing there and then the second time with her sleeping infant in the back of the car where forced himself into her car. His actions were predatory and aggressive

Ah he's gross and it won't be the first time..

Never in 20 years together has my husband expressed another woman was hot with the glaring exception of scarlett johansen when we were discussing who we'd have a threesome with if we were so inclined.

He's mentioned how nice some are, how good they are with all the kids, how absolutely nuts some fo them are on a night out, talked about their jobs and how cool they are same as me when we meet new people, particularly couples. He adores one of the single mums because of her politics and get things done attitude. Because he thinks of women as people. He talks about them like people.

Why would he approach her with the power dynamic like that and think she'd be interested in someone 10years+ older when she's married with children and already highlighted that to him? Ew

My husband does 3/5 school drops and pick ups, talks to all our kids mums and manages to stick to topics like how exhausted we all are, work related chat and the bands on the t shirts he wears. Men can talk to women without bordering on verbal sexual assault

that must have been terrifying @thatbatwoman and I can believe it.

Other divorced friends have said similar of one or two married dads at the school coming onto them. The ones that did didn’t surprise me. Ex family solicitor.

The widowed mums have had the dads turn up to help do jobs, in a respectful manner without the threat, one tried it on after a couple of years, but she was still in depths of grief, he didn’t do it again.

There some truly vile men there.

OP, clearly this happened, and as others have posted it fits with the smoking 10/10 comment. I can't imagine my partner ever saying something like that but if he did I would make it very clear how disrespectful it is.

You need to consider that this is just the one you know about. How often is he behaving like a disgusting sleazebag? At work, gym? Wherever? It's unlikely to be the first time.

She didn’t agree to have a drink with him in the car, because she agreed to a drink he thought he had a right to get in the car invited.

OP I believe her.

How many times have you been hit by a man you’ve been a stone cold bitch to?

Women don’t keep the peace in situations like this because we’re stupid, weak or people pleasers. There are many times when it’s the safest option. If you don’t know that, your experience has been both minimal and fortunate.

Indeed, the young woman has nothing to gain from telling a stranger to get her husband to back off, unless she is pissed off and frightened it happened.

the fact that the OP’s husband said the women at the school gate were smoking hot is a part admission by him as well.

The way he's approached this so casually is actually what is most shocking. She's got a new baby, she's fairly local, your kids are at the same school and he's bold as brass asked for a fuck. This isnt his first rodeo OP and these aren't the actions of a man testing the waters. He's succeeded with his advances previously and thought he'd be in again soon. He's also highly creepy, calculating the coffee buying to get in her car in an enclosed close space to be near to her. Honestly if I were her I would have told my husband to go see him. Your husband is at best a sleazy cheat, at worst a predator. In the bin.

Your husband was completely out of line and you should say so.
He should never be uttering a single flirty comment to any person. What an example to all the kids!
He should never be sitting in a car with anyone except a mate and only if invited.

Nice to buy a coffee but to intrude on a young woman's private time is way of line.

Tell him that if it is exactly as he has reported he did act like an opportunist creep. You believe him and believe that he is behaving poorly and very disrespectfully.

Oh OP. Of course he's lying to you.
I'm sorry💐

And what would be the point of her making this up?

Having your Dh’s back, against all logic, isn’t a good thing.

I know it's like we make ourselves uncomfortable trying to protect their comfortability ugh

yep. I’ve smiled and nodded my way through multiple horrendous situations with men.

What does this younger married woman with a new baby have to gain from telling this story?
Occam’s Razor theory suggests when you have two competing theories that explain something equally well, the simpler explanation is usually correct.

“Smoking hot, 10/10’s.” Honestly, that instantly made me feel ill. What a turn off. YANBU. Don’t waste any more of your life, please.

In the moment, it's so hard to say how we'll react to these bloody awful predators.

Years ago,living very rurally with young kids,going thru divorce, no mobile, just a landline. A much older man that exH and I knew, 'popped by' one eve. I wasn't comfortable, but thought (very wrongly) it was best to just offer him a cup of tea and be 'nice'. He asked to use the bathroom before leaving,spent ages in there.

When he came out, I said you'll have to go now, I need to go to bed.
I'll always remember him, coming towards me and saying ''Yes, and i want to go to bed with you''

I froze,terrified, but somehow then laughed, linked his arm in mine, which threw him off guard and escorted him to the door, humouring him as though 'not tonight you won't sunshine'

He hung around in his car in the dark. Next day I felt SO angry... & phoned his house. He was out,his wife answered. I didn't say anything, said I'd call later.....then totally let rip at him,shouting that if he EVER PULLED A STUNT LIKE THAT AGAIN, I'D PHONE THE POLICE. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR???DO NOT COME NEAR ME, EVER.

She called me the next day, having questioned him and I then told her what happened.He was shaken after my call,said he'd tried it on with me, but I wasn't having it. But she wanted to know whose underwear she'd found in his car that morning,whether we were having an affair???

It was MINE.....He'd stolen it from my washbasket whilst in the bathroom.

Thankfully, I never saw or heard from him again, but I learned a lot of lessons from that night that have stayed with me for decades.Still makes me shudder.

I'm in my late 20s but my gosh not long ago, I would have gone along with things, not quite knowing how to deal with a situation. I admire those that just seem to know what to do, maybe even being a bit more assertive, but sometimes it takes maturity, experience etc. and things like this catches you by surprise.
It makes me angry but I do think age matters as it almost feels a bit predatory! When I first read the post I thought I can't imagine how uncomfortable/vulnerable she must have felt with him imposing on her by getting in her car. I think she's reflected and messaged the OP and done the right thing.

OP, for the love of God, your husband is a sleazy bastard who is just itching to be unfaithful to you. It's as plain as day. Just those ugly comments about other women being smoking hot and 10/10 should tell you that. Raise your bar off the floor.

I'd be shocked even by the admission of buying her a coffee and sitting in the car! Isn't that crossing a line in itself? I believe her and I don't know either of them because like you say, she gets nothing out of it, in fact it's probably awkward for her to raise it with you. She probably doesn't want to affect the relationship between you two and wouldn't know how you would respond.
And that comment was so unnecessary, I would even feel a bit insecure that he's openly looking at other mum's in that way. It's disrespectful to all. No wonder you don't trust him.

Exactly.

What are there more of in the world? Beautiful 25-year-olds so unhinged that they make up stories about other people’s husbands for absolutely no personal benefit?

OR

Married men who make sexual advances at beautiful 25-year-olds?

I just can’t imagine a scenario where I’d be sat in my car and any of the school dads think it would be ok to knock on the window and ask to sit with me for a full hour. It’s really intense and creepy, it’s not something any woman would easily be able to say no to in the moment. In the space of a day he’s escalated from a sexual comment to sitting next to her alone in her car.

She’s messaged because she wants him to stop, that’s all she’s got to gain from this. The poor woman.

When I was 22 I was in a car with a guy that was pushing his luck, and 40 years ago my gut was screaming at me to keep him sweet.
I did.
I told him I had an upset stomach and felt i desperately needed a loo.
He was driving an expensive car and clearly could do the math.
As I was exiting he demanded i give him a kiss on the cheek.
I did.
40 years later I can remember my head screaming to humour him and get the fxxk out of that car.

Two years later I had the huge satisfaction of telling a female colleague of his at a conference what a creep he was.

I feel so much for that post partum woman and this utter scum getting into her car.

This is 100% a police matter.

He IS a predator.