Father doesn’t want our son’s ashes split, I do

I’m so sorry for your loss and understand your pain. Our daughter died nearly 6 years ago.
It must be adding to your grief and heartache when there is so much conflict.

Would it be possible to delay the decision? It is really early days. Sounds like his Father is still trying to have some control.
It might come down to some mediation or legal advice. If there’s any religion involved it’s worth seeking advice.

No advice, OP, as I realise I feel quite strongly (completely irrationally, I recognise) about splitting ashes, as my father has just suggested my mother split her ashes, but that’s no use to you, and I entirely understand why you’d want to divide them. I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss.💐

Of course not. The one good thing about being dead is you can be in two places at once! Definitely he'd be unreasonable not to agree to that.
I don't know if in law, the remains are owned by both so legally they must be split? That would make sense.

I'm so sorry your ex is so awful. It's the last thing you need when you suffered such a terrible loss. I hope things improve.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I would feel very uncomfortable at the idea of splitting up the ashes, myself, so I can understand why he feels that way.

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss 😞 💐

Who will receive the ashes? If it's you could you take a small amount and have them made into a necklace, or something, then pass the rest to his father who could bury them. That way a part of your son will always be with you.

If he was abusive, I’d be tempted to give him a fake urn with ashes and send him on his way and do what you want. What’s the chances you’ll ever see him again?

Difficult decision. Like previous posters I would not want the remains being split /scattered. I am catholic though and you arent supposed to scatter ashes. I know splitting them seems fairer though to people who dont understand/believe that ashes can be split/scattered.

No advice on this situation but I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

Sorry for your loss OP.
Hard to say this but don't put it past your ex to try and control you even in this incredibly difficult time. Ppl might act like he wouldn't stoop that low but sometimes ppl do, and often ppl's true colours come out in bereavement, they can be demanding and want things done their way at the expense of others with lots of guilt tripping/emotional blackmail. Look after yourself and have some support around you whether loved ones, counselling, whatever you need ❤️
Under the circumstances I think a 50/50 split is fairest, not an unreasonable request at all. I would come at it from the pov that that's what most exes would do in these circumstances surely?

So sorry OP.
Now is not a good time to make this decision. Keep the ashes intact in your home not his. Say you'll discuss it in two or three months, once you've got through this first ghastly period of mourning.
💐

Can you ask advice of the funeral director? They will be used to all kinds of family situations and finding a way through them.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Given your relationship with ex partner it seems obvious they should be split.

I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I hope you have lots of support. 💐

This all needs so much more consideration. The idea of splitting ashes could be very traumatic for someone, even if they were abusive. Equally, it could be yet another way of controlling you. Did your DS have a good relationship with his father? I’m not even sure legally where this would all stand. I’m terribly sorry for your loss.

Im so sorry for your loss, it sounds like a difficult situation all round.

I think this is a deeply personal thing for everyone, there is no right or wrong.

For me I would want the remains to stay in tact, but I can't quite articulate why, and fully understand why families do split it up and everyone can do as they please too.

Very difficult!

Who will the ashes be returned to? I assume they are the person responsible for making the decision ultimately.