AIBU to think a 10pm bedtime and 6am start is relatively normal in your 40s?

True. Which is unfortunate for those of us with sleep disorders who are hardwired to sleep and wake late, like me!

Whereas I'm more likely to be midnight till 1am and up.by 7

If I tried to go any earlier ( on a non working day) I toss and turn for ages and end up sleeping later that I normally do

For me that would be too early. I wouldn't sleep at that time and would struggle to wake up the early. 7.30 is the absolute earliest I will wake up and even then, not regularly. Bed at 11 - 12 and up at 8 is my work pattern. When off its about 1am to bed and up at 9 or 10. 6 am is the middle of the night to me.

But it’s ‘normal’ if you have to get up at 5.45am to leave the house at 7.15am to start work at 8am. You’re getting approx 7.5 hrs sleep with your timings and so am I by being in bed at 10pm.

I’m in my early 30s and I do this… Bed by 10.30, can push to 11 on a weekend but I start falling asleep on the sofa usually! Up between 5-7 every day including weekends.

Its definitely something to consider when looking at job options, I agree.

Lots of research also showing that night shift workers have more chronic illness too.

Oh well those of us working till then have had it

Absolutely- rest is very important - as is good sleep. Thats the entire point -research has shown over and over again that going to sleep prior to 11pm reduces your risk of heart disease and other chronic illnesses. So actually- going to bed early and getting up early is far better for your health than going to bed late and getting up late.

https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/news/behind-the-headlines/sleep-time-and-heart-disease

https://www.realsimple.com/health/preventative-health/sleep/sleep-before-midnight

https://leicesterbrc.nihr.ac.uk/early-risers-better-health/

God yeah, and i’m up long before 6. Some of my same age friends (all turning 50 this year) do stay up late and get up later, but they are big drinkers who like to stay up until 1-2am drinking. Early to bed and early to rise for me, i’m at my desk for 8am.

But surely you'd agree it's not necessary for a person to be busy and productive every waking moment? Giving the body enough rest is so important too.

Neither I nor @Timeforachange26 has suggested that all partners have to go to bed at the same time, or even that our own partners have to go to bed at the same time as us. We’re merely saying that for us, having a partner who had to be in bed by 10pm wouldn’t work.

My partner and I don’t always go to bed at the same time. But neither of us would ever go to bed as early as 10pm - if we go to bed at different times it’s more likely one going up at midnight and the other going up at 1am or something. If one of us routinely had to be in bed by 10pm, it would mean we wouldn’t actually spend much quality time together. It’s not about right or wrong - just about compatibility. People can have their preferences.

11pm.is an early night for me. I go to bed around 11-11.30 and wake at 7-7.30am.

Id like to be better at getting up earlier, but I definitely couldnt go to bed at 9.30.

It just depends how your day/schedule works. Most days here, at least one person is doing sport until 8.30pm.so we eat around 8.45pm which is fairly late, and doesnt work with early bedtime.

FWIW I would love to have the discipline to go to bed at 9.30 in order to get a full 8 hours but inevitably I’m still faffing around at 10.30-11

Annoy away! I don’t get the snooty replies on here. Just scroll past if you’re not interested.

Anyone who says 'most people are [insert speaker's preference]' is an arse.

@Alwayschillyatnight
I don't think it's about what others do, or what is "normal". It's more about compatibility.

I'd struggle with your schedule. My teens don't go to bed as early as you do, and certainly don't wake up at 6. But again - if that works for you - then it's what you need to do. And you can find a partner who is on the same schedule.

I usually go to bed between 11pm and midnight and get up around 7.30 so I don’t think going to bed at 9.30-10 is normal at all.

They don't but if you never see them because they are in bed what's the point

At a table of around ten of us everyone who had a partner said they’d argued with them about this! All of our dps or dhs went to bed much later and got up later. I think it’s a man vs woman thing (before that I thought it was a morning person/ night person thing!!)

Why do partners need to go to bed at the same time?

Sound perfectly normal. I’m not sure what his problem with it actually is. DH and I have different sleep patterns; I go at about 10pm, and he stays up later. We both get up at roughly the same time, around 6:30-7am. It’s fine, a non-issue.

I do agree with this- I find people who lay in give me the "ick" too - it feels lazy and unproductive for a grown adult to be laying in until 10am to me so definitely wouldnt be compatible

So true. If I had a partner who was tucked up in bed at 10pm I'd never spend any time with them. And don't people ever go out socially? Like meet at 8pm but run home at 9.30 for a 10pm bedtime

Not normal no, in as much as human beings are all very different. Whilst lots of people probably do have that routine, many won't, and it'll all fine.

Personally I go to bed between 10-11 and sleep in till about 10-11. I like a lot of sleep!

But what this guy thinks should really be neither here nor there as a) he's an ex and b) he sounds like an idiot.