AIBU to feel lonely and forgotten as the last friend with young children?

I can really relate to this. I did an awful lot for friends and family over the years with young children, I was hands on and so supportive. Helping out, had peoples kids overnight at mine or I stayed at theirs. Took kids for days out. ‘Entertained’ them at large family gatherings, I did love it and wouldn’t change it. Now we have small children, it hasn’t been reciprocated by any of them because there older kids now have weekends full of parties/club commitments, they are dealing with other teenage issues. I know at the time they appreciated all the time and support I gave them. We are still friends and meet but I certainly don’t get back the same. I think they aren’t in a position to do the same, whereas at the time I helped I could so it’s just the way it is. My brother for example I helped him on a weekly basis, often last minute. Did so much. Might now get a 30 min visit once from him every 3 months if we are lucky. At first made new friends through antenatal classes, then playgroup mum friends, then everyone went back to work different days so had to navigate that. As kids started to make friends at nursery and get party invites we’ve made lots of friends this way too. Some of these new friendships have really stuck. We use various paid babysitters. I think the first few years the different friendships are constantly evolving until you are all settled at school.

Oh I feel so sorry for you. But it is hard to meet up just on the same weekend when you have teens and organising who has to be where when and they all need to be different places at the same time feels like a military operation.

if it’s any consolation, I felt the same as you but I was the first to have a child by almost ten years (I had DS when I was 15).

look forward to your move and try to make an actual effort to make friends there - don’t just expect it to happen but have a plan, maybe?

The thing is if you asked me today to go for a walk today/tomorrow, I wouldn’t be able to. With work and commitments with kids it would likely be next Saturday or even the Saturday after. Sometimes meeting up takes 2-3 weeks for the stars to align and a date become available.

Are you not being invited on the trips out every weekend by your close friends? Do you have a partner? You don’t need to go all day/night, just a couple of hours? Perhaps your friends are just doing things you don’t fancy doing?

Life is hard and busy regardless how old your children are. You probably feel it more only working 12 hours. Lots of free time.

You don’t forget how hard young kids are. You just learn how hard it is having teenagers too, albeit in a totally different way.

although I don’t think “hard” is the right word. Probably more “wholly encompassing”.

Is your 4 year old at school yet? School can be a good way to make new friends who are at a similar stage to you .

How old are your friends children? It’s likely they are just really busy. In my friendship group since school there’s 4 of us, we all have children ranging from 3 months- 21 years. We meet up once every 6-8 weeks at best. I only just manage to get tea on the table for my lot never mind taking it for someone else.

Do you have a partner? When we meet we tend to go early evening for something to eat normally on a week night so it doesn’t impact the weekend. Maybe suggest that. We’ve found the what’s app poll’s a game changer trying to arrange a date.

If you’ve got spare time I’d try and arrange some meet ups. Life is busy- especially when your children were older, I’m literally a taxi to every club under the sun if I’m not working.

Yanbu. Adapting always takes a bit of time.

I was desperately lonely during/after maternity leave. For various reasons I was home for another year and I hated it. Other people are busy with their lives, all my family & friends had busy professional lives so I went back to work full time when ds as two. I gained my childminder as a close friend and I was a better, happier mum evenings and weekends, able to really enjoy my ds.
You’ll find a way that works for you. Don’t discount options, keep trying different things until you feel more comfortable & supported.

Make the effort to meet with new friends as well as your old friends sometimes and also hire a couple of their teenagers as babysitters sometimes.
They would love it.