AIBU to wait before telling my separated husband I am pregnant?

Are you up for having the baby on your own? If so and you are having this baby no matter what then he is going to become a father. He deserves to know if he is a decent person and your baby deserves a decent shot at having a good relationship with his or her father irrespective of your relationship.

I would tell him now as he is making his plans because it is a factor in his future decisions. He might think of stay in the US otherwise which could have enormous implications for his relationship with his child, your child.

If you are proceeding to motherhood, you need to tell him before he does something drastic like moving to another country.

not a reason to withhold the baby news, but the other option is that he deliberately makes a move to another country! It's probably worth the OP broaching the subject of how he's going to financially support the upbringing of his child. It will be impossible for him to be pursued for maintenance if he's out of the country.

I would tell him ASAP. It might make him change his plans.

So your marriage has become more like a friendship but you clearly still have sex?

Or have you been seeing someone else since you separated and this isn't his baby?

Of course what he wants is relevant. If hes going to fuck off to the US, then thats going to have a massive bearing on OPs decision. If OP wants to try again she cant do that if he doesn't want to.

He doesnt get to decide whether OP continues with the pregnancy but its perfectly reasonable to consult the father of your child before making a fairly life changing decision

You need to decide if you are keeping asap because if you are, (it sounds like you want to) then you need to tell him as soon as possible so he can decide if he is staying where he is.

Don't be surprised if he doubts that the pregnancy is a, real and b, his child. We've seen enough stories of people announcing convenient pregnancies as a means to control/manipulate and he may have people suggesting that this is what happening.

Be open to a DNA test. This situation isn't ideal to either of you.

Congratulations OP - a shock but a lovely suprise for you. I think you should tell him ASAP but suggest you take a few days apart (with no contact) so you’ve both got time to process this unexpected news.

You’re right that a baby can’t fix a broken relationship but if the grief of not being able to have children was part of the reason you separated, then this baby could be what you need to bring you back together.

How far along are you?
How long will he be away?
Is there a risk he won't come back and decide to stay once there?

If you want a respectful ongoing relationship with the father of your child, you tell him asap. He could be making big plans that he may want to change upon hearing this news.

Why did you think you were infertile? Were you actually TTC, that takes a massive toll on a relationship. How far along are you?

You should tell him asap. Its his baby and he has a right to know. It will likely influence any decisions he makes over the next few weeks

Yes indeed - if you were having sex, that’s not really a dead relationship. But that aside.

The first thing is for you to decide if you want to carry on with this pregnancy. Then you have to tell him right away - arguably either way but certainly if you are continuing. It would be hugely unfair for him to quit his job and move to America thinking he was having a fresh start and then have this surprise later. He has responsibilities and rights too.

If you’re sure you are keeping the baby I would tell him before he goes to the states. You can encourage him to still go and have time to think. You say everything is amicable and you still care for each other so you may find he is a support to you when you are processing this news.

equally you are entitled to wait but I’d be concerned if he has been feeling down and perhaps looking for a change that he may decide to stay with family longer term.

I think it’s okay to take a few days to think about what you say and when you say it.

I don’t want to piss in your cornflakes but there must be a reason why you always thought you’re infertile - and with that comes a risk to the pregnancy so maybe start by having a medical appointment / scan to make sure everything is progressing? Then you can go from there.

I’ve never been sleeping with a housemate.

If he gives up his job, mixes to the states then finds this out and moves back and sounds time looking for work this will cost thousands, and that will deprive baby and you of money too. Or he’ll stay and it will all be on you and CMS probably won’t get to him. If you need the weekend fine, but meet him in the next couple of days.

Well you weren't living together as 'housemates' were you?

You need to tell him.

I think it’s fine to take a few weeks to figure out what you want before telling him. You don’t have to then tell him you’ve know for ages, it will just give you a chance to get your head round things. How far along are you? I think you need to decide in your own mind whether you want this baby regardless of whether you’re together or not, and also whether you actually want to be with him or feel a bit of relief the the relationship is over. You being pregnant doesn’t mean he has to come back if that’s not what you want.

You need to tell him asap imo

I think you should tell him soon and definitely before he goes to America . he deserves to know

You have 9 months to find a way to fix your relationship or figure out a way to separate amicably and coparent once baby is here

Tell him sooner rather than later because he’s planning a big life change / trip that he may not wish to make, either financially or because he wants to be a good parent or
both if the circumstances were different for him.
The decision not to use contraception was joint, you are married to him still, I think he needs to know

How pregnant are you?

Do you want a child? Decide that first.

If things are as amicable between you and your ex as you say, I would tell him. Whilst it’s your choice, I couldn’t keep something like this from my ex if all that happened was drifting apart/amicable or mutual split? If there was abuse/cheating etc though I may decide differently?

Tell him today! It sounds like you want the baby whether you’re with him or not and regardless it’s important that he knows.

What he wants is irrelevant. If he wants her to keep and she doesn’t? Then she doesn’t keep it. He doesn’t want it but she does? Then she keeps it.

If you are proceeding to motherhood, you need to tell him before he does something drastic like moving to another country. He deserves to have all the information so he doesn’t have complications with living near his child.

That doesn’t mean you can’t take a few days to breathe.