AIBU to wait before telling my separated husband I am pregnant?

Congratulations. It sounds like you've wanted children. Just not in these circumstances, of course.

Tell him.

Separately, if not already done, consider relationship/marriage counselling, or if it suits you better talking through with a third party. It helps many with unpicking thoughts and feelings....

Yes, it's not like he's going to permanently emigrate tomorrow. I agree months probably isn't practical though. But certainly OPs suggestion of a few days to have a think is sensible!

I’d go to the doctors/ early scan and get everything confirmed as it allows you some time to process etc and use this as a reason you didn’t tell him instantly.

I'm really surprised by the poll results,you found out hours ago, of course you're not unreasonable to take some time.

Get your head straight first, let the initial shock wear off and then tell him - but only if you plan to continue with the pregnancy. Don't say anything if you decide to terminate.

If you tell him now you'll be managing his shock as well as your own. Get your head straight first.

I wouldn't necessarily leave it months, though. Weeks is fine, months may cause more problems. But I think you're just panicking about pressure so as I said, sort your own head out first and tell him then.

Remember that at the point you tell him he may ask how long you have known…

best to tell him asap

you may not be able out to fully understand your feelings before him anyway

and it is a child of both of you

tell him

Decide if you can make being a single parent work. Don't do what another poster did, get back together, move to the US, then she had to come home, without the child. Many women have lost access to their children, because they can't permanently settle in the country their ex and child can. You might be doing it completely alone, don't underestimate that. You have to consider what your family support is like. You need time to think about everything.

Wow. That's a curve ball for you, isn't it?

You will need to tell him, but you can give yourself a couple of days to get your head together.

I sense that you are concerned that your news will bring him back and you had just decided to separate. You are right in saying that a baby alone won't save a relationship, but it will introduce a new dynamic to consider.

Do you want to carry this baby to full term? That is your first decision. Are you going to be a mum? And are you able to be a single mum?

Could you see a future with him, if he did want to come back? Or are you certain you want to separate?

Once you have had chance to think about how you see your future now, you need to tell him so that he too can make choices.

Best of luck

of course you need to tell him, he has every right to know. Equally you've obviously not been that distant if you've managed to get pregnant. Who knows, this could be the start of a whole new chapter in your relationship. It's starts though with the discussion with your husband.

If you want the baby I’d tell him asap. If not I don’t see any need. Do you think he’d be a good co parent ? Pay maintenance properly?
can you afford it ? What’s your housing situation? Lots to think about.

Why? I highly doubt shes made up her mind about what she wants to do yet, hes not moving to the US tomorrow, whats the urgency?.

I agree. You werent just living as housemates if you are now pregnant. Do you both actaully want to separate? It doesn't sound like it is what he wants. What do you want? Have you had marriage counselling?

They can have discussions but it's still her decision. If she has experienced infertility, this may be her one chance to have a child, so she decides.

Tell him today, unless you are definitely not continuing, he can then make decisions based on this information.

No, doesnt to have any legal right to know actually, nor is it legally just as much his baby before it's been born, currently it is just part of OPs body.

Its perfectly reasonable that you need time to work out how you feel first OP and what you want to do about this. I think I'd want to get my head around it first. How long is he going to visit his parents for?

It's not irrelevant. Out of respect he should be told. Then discussions about the future need to take place. Anything else is abhorrent.

In Gilead maybe

I would tell him striaght away, on the basis that you have't worked out how you feel about it yet and you don't expect him to yet either. You will both need time to process this. I wish you all the best.

You are married, you are amicable, you care about each other and were still having sex. I'm not quite sure why you split up but presumably there was quite a compelling reason. I think you should tell him pretty soon.

I found out I was pregnant after the relationship had ended. I was 33 and had always wanted children, so I continued with the pregnancy. The father remained interested (vaguely) for a little while but then disappeared. I have never for a second regretted continuing with the pregnancy and my daughter is now 33 with four children on her own.
If you have always wanted children, ending the pregnancy would be very difficult.
On a very basic note, congratulations 🙂

It feels very unfair for you to withhold this information from him

A baby inside my body isn't a joint decision. Unless we both agree, I'll go with what is right for me.

It's a joint decision and husband needs to know immediately.
Your marriage can be saved for the benefit of all

Te him now unless you’re not keeping the baby.

Well I genuinely don’t? They still liked each other, were still sleeping together, yet have separated because they were “more like housemates”?

If you always wanted children don't let being single be the reason you terminate a pregnancy when there's no reason to think you won't be able to coparent together given the amicable separation. Ij would suggest you don't even try and rekindle the relationship either, to ensure it stays amicable (maybe it occurs naturally later on but don't try and force it)

My son's dad and I were separated by the time he was born and I am glad it happened then rather than down the line, DS has never known any different than hanging two loving homes and parents that are friends. He's a very happy kid!

You do need to tell him though.