How much do you spend on work clothes?

do you have a nanny

I think a lot of people on here are overestimating a £110k income. A nanny for four kids on a single £110k income is not realistic at all. Once either parent earns £100k+, you stop being eligible for any of the reliefs that other people take for granted like the tax free childcare etc. Yet, the take-home pay will be much less than two parents who are each on £55k.

The husband may well be stingy and controlling, but budget may actually be tight. Both things can be true at the same time.

Take home pay on £110k is around £72k. The mortgage could well be £30k or more. Bills including council tax another £20k maybe. Then you've got food and outings, for a family of 6.

A full time nanny is more than £40k once you've paid the NI contributions and stuff. It's impossible on this income, a nonsense suggestion.

Once op is at work (part time, or full time?) they will also need to pay for wraparound, maybe nursery for the youngest depending on ages.

It is very good that op is going to gain a bit of financial independence especially as it sounds like her H is financially controlling. But even after she does that, the family won't be loaded. The cost of living is very high atm.

🤔

@TheJuryIsOut do you have a nanny or au pair or any other domestic help? Never forget that if you were not there, your husband would have to pay someone at least the living wage to look after his children and the house.

Why is he content to treat you so badly? Nothing but sweatshirts and leggings and no haircuts?

Is there a back story you haven’t shared?

Do you have any friends or family?

I'm retired now but used to get tops and trousers from M&S. I got a few jackets from charity shops and apart from winter when jumpers were needed I kept things to a minimum. You will no doubt need a waterproof coat along with shoes and a suitable bag. I would tell your DH you need new clothes so he needs to give you enough.

I would say 500 but that's not the point. Why on earth should you not have equal access to family money?

I'm a teacher and spend very little on clothes because (apart from undies and shoes) most of the stuff I wear for work is from charity shops. But that's my choice.

Your DH is incredibly well paid and shouldn't be setting a budget or rolling his eyes if you need to kit yourself out in a new wardrobe for a new job. He sounds unpleasant and controlling.

This nails it really.

I've been a SAHP and always had access to whatever my DH was earning. I never had to ask for money. He trusted me to buy what I needed/wanted and not to take the piss.

I hope the new job goes well, OP. Keep your money in a separate account and quietly think about things.

I've recently seen something about the 3 3 3 rule and how to mix and match outfits. Can't recall what it is exactly but look it up. Your husband sounds like an arsehole. He should want you to look good going back to work, supporting his wife after giving him your body, time, love and effort in having 4 children, no easy task!! But see if the 3 3 3 thing could work for you

What a tight arse!

You need clothes, ffs.

I’d say a minimum of £300 if you’re looking at supermarkets. Maybe more depending on the cost of the shoes you find comfortable (comfy shoes are a must for teachers and worth the investment if you have to pay a bit more for the right ones).

Vinted is your friend

Get lots of stretchy waistband trousers from
m and s not too expensive but feel good for work

Does sound like you don't have access to money.

Did you used to have haircuts before being married to him?

I've always had a joint account with dh, from being married - whether i was a sahm or working.

Yes he is.

You need clothes FOR WORK and he is questioning it, knowing you’re not really a big spender anyway.

Why don’t you really get your hair cut? Won’t you need to factor that in too?

Agree with vinted. I started a new job and looked for brands on there I knew fitted me well
got a load of M&S stuff very cheap

It really depends on your style. I was a teacher and had two pairs of black trousers on the go at any one time and about 8 tops to cover all weathers. Pair of boots from the Clark’s outlet. Everything else from H&M or Sainsbury’s, mostly in sales. But I’m not remotely interested in clothes.

@TheJuryIsOut I'm a teacher and I get most my stuff on vinted. Dresses about £5. A couple of nice shirts about £8 each. M&S black trousers.

My boots I got in the Clarks sale for £40 and they've done me 4 years so far!

I prefer second hand as its better for the environment.

Go to some charity shops. I picked up a lovely next dress for £3

When you start earning, is he planning to stop sending you money?

Is anything else changing in your household, other than you taking on a whole new layer of responsibility as well as all the childcare?

If your DH likes putting money aside and saving, how much of those savings are in your name?

Considering we spend more time at work than home and wear the clothes more often, I spend more as they need to be quality to last

When you start your new job, you need to get money sent directly to your own account. It's not right that you have to ask your DH for money. Even as a SAHM, you should have access to money to spend as you need or want, and not have to ask for money.

he sends me a set amount each money which pays for some bills that are in my name, mine and the kids phone bills, the kids extra curricular activities, food & petrol for when he's away with work. I don't much (if any) left after that so I do have to ask him if I want to buy anything else.

This is not having access to family money.

Frankly no one should by a sahm in this situation so it’s good you’ve got a job lined up.

I’m a teacher just done my autumn term haul, about £300 probably includes 10-12 outfits by mix and matching.

Of course he is. You say yourself that he sends you a specific amount of money each month and that you'd have to ask him if you wanted anything extra.

Having "access to money" means not having to ask.

I think @Maroonmeant to say That’s not having access to money.

Because from what you’ve said, you don’t, @TheJuryIsOut. Money transferred to you to pay bills and care for children is not ‘access’.