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AIBU?

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Original poster

She should just let me be ill in peace

111 replies

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 20:03

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and have been really unwell this week. I had tonsillitis, had barely slept for several nights and had been prescribed pain relief and medication to help me sleep. I'd also just had a pretty scary conversation with my consultant about my blood pressure and what might need to happen if it didn't come down, so I was extremely anxious and had been specifically advised to rest.

I powered through it as I was in the middle of recruiting to my team so fulfilled all the interviews and assessments and appointed the candidate. Then I mailed my manager to say I'd seen the doctor, was self-certifying and needed to rest.

She called me a quite a few times over the next few days and I've missed them because I was asleep. Some didn't answer because I was still in bed, exhausted, medicated and had virtually no voice. I'd already explained I was ill and how long I expected to be off.

I've just logged on after basically spending three days in bed and have received a pretty terse email saying I haven't followed sickness procedure because the policy says I should speak to my manager by phone.

I completely accept there is a policy, but AIBU to think some common sense/discretion should apply? If someone has told you they've seen a doctor, they're unwell and have been advised to rest, surely they don't have to prove they're physically incapable of answering a telephone before they're allowed to actually be sick?

I'm angry about it because this isn't the first difficult interaction I've had with my manager and I've always felt watched and scrutinised unduly. During the heatwave, I'd adjusted my hours to start at 7 and work til 3.30 as we don't have core hours. She started monitoring my teams status and claiming I wasn't working. It feels very officious.

Would you respond and explain the circumstances, or just leave it?

OP posts:
Jan24680 · 22/08/2026 21:52

You can't win with people like that. Unfortunately at 32 weeks you can't start maternity leave until the baby arrives. Find a new job during the maternity leave.

triile · 22/08/2026 21:51

Ours is that you have to ring in daily. They’re sensible though, I get tonsillitis and am totally unable to speak so I ring in silently, my manager knows it’s me and then says “ok just text it’s fine”

jackstini · 22/08/2026 21:50

Being asleep when she called - ok
Not being in contact at all for 3 days when you know the policy - not ok!

Just call once a day to confirm you are still ill

ToKittyornottoKitty · 22/08/2026 21:50

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 21:41

I get that but presumably discretion can be applied, for eg at the extreme, what if someone was in an RTA and not conscious or in a psychotic episode. So who makes the decision on whether a call is appropriate? My gripe is that most managers across our team accept an email / teams recognising that a chat isn't always helpful or conducive to wellbeing.

That’s just not comparable to tonsillitis though, even in pregnancy. Follow the policy and then shel leave you alone

Happytaytos · 22/08/2026 21:50

Unfortunately you're in the wrong. If. The policy says phone and you're physically able to phone, then you phone.

MovesInHerOwnWay · 22/08/2026 21:48

mabelladel · 22/08/2026 21:41

I get that but presumably discretion can be applied, for eg at the extreme, what if someone was in an RTA and not conscious or in a psychotic episode. So who makes the decision on whether a call is appropriate? My gripe is that most managers across our team accept an email / teams recognising that a chat isn't always helpful or conducive to wellbeing.

You had tonsillitis though, you weren’t unconscious from an RTA. If you could talk to your consultant, you could have had a brief conversation with your manager. Some workplaces are all about playing the game. It is annoying but if that’s their policy, then you need to follow it.

I hope you’re feeling better soon. I had my tonsils out as an adult because I kept having tonsillitis. 💐

Gettingbysomehow · 22/08/2026 21:47

You are being unreasonable about this OP. You werent in a car accident or having a psychotic episode. If I did this Id be disciplined.you could have managed a very short conversation. You arent mute.

Shinyandnew1 · 22/08/2026 21:42

If the policy is to phone, I would have phoned.

Did your management agree with the changed hours over the summer?

Original poster
mabelladel · 22/08/2026 21:41

I get that but presumably discretion can be applied, for eg at the extreme, what if someone was in an RTA and not conscious or in a psychotic episode. So who makes the decision on whether a call is appropriate? My gripe is that most managers across our team accept an email / teams recognising that a chat isn't always helpful or conducive to wellbeing.

OP posts:
roseymoira · 22/08/2026 21:35

The sickness policy is the policy, you need to follow it the same as everyone else. I haven’t worked anywhere that you didn’t need to phone in every morning unless you were signed off sick.

Did you discuss changing your hours with your manager before doing them?

Random321 · 22/08/2026 20:22

There is a policy.

You don't like it.

Your manager might not either.

But if your contracts is covered by a policy you have to adhere to it.