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Original poster

“Stop trying to force conversation” - right to be upset?

114 replies

leahfz · 22/08/2026 19:40

DH and me have had lots of issues over the last few months, slowly working through them. There’s been money issues, trust issues and just a lot of drama. I’ve swallowed my feelings and tried to make it work because he can never see my point of view.

Today we had a rare day of doing nothing. DH wanted to play a video game and I spent the day doing artwork. I asked if he wanted to watch a film at 5pm (after we’ve been doing our own thing for 8 hours), he said he would in a bit. At 6pm I asked again and he said I’ll come down at 7pm.

I was asking if he wanted anything to eat and then I remembered he had told me he was going to on a hike tomorrow. I asked him if he had asked his friend if he was giving him a lift. He said “yeah” and I asked where they were going. He said “I don’t know”. Then “why are you trying to force conversation?”

I left it there and made dinner and he came in asking why I was moody. I said I didn’t want to talk to him and he clearly didn’t want to talk to me. He said I should have told him I wasn’t forcing conversation? That it wasn’t a big deal and I’m ruining the day.

I said I felt like anything I said was annoying and he said that’s your own interpretation.

basically I just need to move past it and talk as normal?

Am I being u?

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 22/08/2026 20:58

I think he's the one not cut out for marriage, not you!

If this is how your life usually is, then I'd tell him to sling his hook.

AmnesiacsDream · 22/08/2026 20:52

He sounds like an utter arse so I doubt you’re just being too sensitive. It doesn’t really matter though, because no one should spend their life with someone who can never see their point of view. Even if he’s a lovely guy, this makes you totally incompatible as a couple.

PinkyFlamingo · 22/08/2026 20:50

What's the trust issues been about? Doesn't sound great

Itssomethingelse · 22/08/2026 20:45

He's checked out of the marriage. You say there's been other issues, so maybe you need to reconsider your options now.

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 22/08/2026 20:44

If it's this bad after a year of marriage it's not going to get any better.

Cut your losses OP and stop blaming yourself for his appalling attitude

He's a selfish dickhead.

SummerNocturnal · 22/08/2026 20:44

Three years?
Jesus.

Like a pp, I'd thought 20+
Three years?

Please, do yourself a favour and get out now and do not, NOT, contemplate children with this man.

I know LTB is the go to on here, but I repeat:
You can do better.

Ignore the 🚩 at your peril!

🍰☕ Hugs

SummerNocturnal · 22/08/2026 20:40

No

  1. He's an arse for not watching the movie or reaching out
  2. Asking for clarification isn't nagging
  3. You're making yourself smaller "swallowing feelings"

Put up/shut up
Need peace/you're needy
It isn't narcissistic to want company, conversation or intimacy.

You're in an anxious/avoidant dynamic (apart from you weren't even being anxious, given you'd both done your own thing for 8 hours).

You deserve better 💐

babasaclover · 22/08/2026 20:37

OhDuckWhatNow · 22/08/2026 20:27

Call it a starter marriage and cut your losses now. My exDH's behaviour did a 180 in the first year of marriage. I wish I had run then because it just got so much worse.

Never heard that phrase before, but absolutely love it

Jk987 · 22/08/2026 20:35

I’d assumed you’d been together a couple of decades… You’ve had a lot of troubles in just 3 years including trust!. It’s too soon for all this drama but it’s not too late to consider getting out of the relationship before you bring any children into it.

HaveCreditWillShop · 22/08/2026 20:35

leahfz · 22/08/2026 19:40

DH and me have had lots of issues over the last few months, slowly working through them. There’s been money issues, trust issues and just a lot of drama. I’ve swallowed my feelings and tried to make it work because he can never see my point of view.

Today we had a rare day of doing nothing. DH wanted to play a video game and I spent the day doing artwork. I asked if he wanted to watch a film at 5pm (after we’ve been doing our own thing for 8 hours), he said he would in a bit. At 6pm I asked again and he said I’ll come down at 7pm.

I was asking if he wanted anything to eat and then I remembered he had told me he was going to on a hike tomorrow. I asked him if he had asked his friend if he was giving him a lift. He said “yeah” and I asked where they were going. He said “I don’t know”. Then “why are you trying to force conversation?”

I left it there and made dinner and he came in asking why I was moody. I said I didn’t want to talk to him and he clearly didn’t want to talk to me. He said I should have told him I wasn’t forcing conversation? That it wasn’t a big deal and I’m ruining the day.

I said I felt like anything I said was annoying and he said that’s your own interpretation.

basically I just need to move past it and talk as normal?

Am I being u?

He’s a dickhead. For the love of all that’s holy do not have kids with him unless he proves he can frame up.

waterrat · 22/08/2026 20:34

It's a sad and disrespectful comment yoi are not over reacting.

Ultimately a marriage has to be based on a deep friendship if its to last.

You have done nothing wrong op. Do not doubt yourself. But I think sadly you need to start some serious talks or counselling with eith him if its to work

babasaclover · 22/08/2026 20:34

@leahfzi’m so sorry he makes you feel this way. It’s not normal but I live with one just the same. I’m withdrawing as emotionally drained but I’m 25 years in. Get out whilst you can please!

OnlyUsername · 22/08/2026 20:34

VoltaireMittyDream · 22/08/2026 19:52

Just don’t entertain anything he says. He’s being an absolute shit. You’ve not been together long, cut your losses.

Show quote history

Agreed. Cut your losses. He's trying to make you end it - you may as well sooner rather than later.

Original poster
leahfz · 22/08/2026 20:33

He was standing in the kitchen with me, not on the game

OP posts:
waterrat · 22/08/2026 20:32

It's the sort of comment my 14 year old would make if he was completely out of sorts (ie in a teenage sulk)

ThatWaryOchreJoker · 22/08/2026 20:32

Hmmm...
Doesn't sound great but if we play devil's advocate for a minute....was he trying to play the video game when you were asking about the hike? If it's a "rare" day of doing nothing, did he just want to carry on chilling by himself? Both these things are fine but he needed to communicate in a clear and polite way.
And then you got in a mood, which is understandable, but again it would have been better to communicate more clearly. "I'm just trying to make conversation, we've been doing our own thing for 8 hours now. The way you're speaking to me sounds like you don't want me to talk to you. Is that right?" Clarify/call him out on it at the time.
But I agree with PP, if you're having all these major problems - money and trust are huge - it's not looking good. And neither is swallowing your feelings because he can never see your point of view. 🚩 🚩

Hankunamatata · 22/08/2026 20:31

Was he gaming while you were trying to ask the questions. As my dh would have been a bit short as he is engrossed.

ThatBreezyScroller · 22/08/2026 20:28

What was he doing whilst you were asking these questions?

If I was eating, playing a video game or watching a film etc then I might be a bit annoyed that you were trying to make conversation at that particular time.

If he wasn't doing anything that required conversation then I would be annoyed that he couldn't have just a normal conversation.

LauritaEvita · 22/08/2026 20:27

Have you got anything in common with someone who spends the day video gaming? I wouldn’t have.

ButtercupYellow26 · 22/08/2026 20:27

Horrible man. Just make dinner for yourself and don't speak.
I couldn't stand to be with an obnoxious person like him.

WinterSunglasses · 22/08/2026 20:27

I’ve swallowed my feelings and tried to make it work because he can never see my point of view

He's not going to. You are in the wrong no matter what. Make this the last straw that gets you out of a really unfair and unpleasant set up. Do you rent or have a mortgage? Where can you go for some peace and to plan moving on?

OhDuckWhatNow · 22/08/2026 20:27

Call it a starter marriage and cut your losses now. My exDH's behaviour did a 180 in the first year of marriage. I wish I had run then because it just got so much worse.

Bonkers1966 · 22/08/2026 20:23

Your arsehole of a husband regrets marrying you.

MyOliveStork · 22/08/2026 20:22

intsjl26 · 22/08/2026 20:04

In 20 years of marriage my DH hasn’t spoken to me like that, 3 years in you should still be in your honeymoon phase! Would you treat a friend like that? I wouldn’t even talk to someone I don’t like like that.

Agree.
This post is very sad to read.
He will only get worse.
Sorry x

Velvian · 22/08/2026 20:20

I agree with the PPs, he sounds like an absolute arse. You haven't been together that long, time to cut your losses.