“Stop trying to force conversation” - right to be upset?

if this is how things are in your marriage now, after just 1 year, imagine what it'll be like in 10 years or 20. Sounds like he's more interested in doing his own thing and hanging out with his mates. Sorry to say it, he probably just wants you for domestic and sexual reasons, and not actually interested in you as a person.

Cut your losses. And btw, you're not overly sensitive - you have standards, which he is trying to grind down. Do yourself a favour, and get out of this marriage. Life's too short for this.

So he’s training you not to speak? Is he controlling in other ways? He can’t even answer a reasonable question about where he’s going on a hike, bog standard? What’s the point of this relationship? He’s out today, spent all day gaming yesterday.

Not with him

This! I’ve been in the depths of grief or stress and still laughed, messed about with, been affectionate with my partner. That’s the stuff that helps get us through. If you love someone then you don’t switch all that off especially during lifes hard times.

@Neurodiversitydoctor ... yes? It isn't supposed to be miserable is it? Otherwise why bother being married.

Even when DH and I are knackered, house is a riot and the 2 year old is screaming for no clear reason. We'll still be trying to make each other smile. A cup of tea, an act of kindness or even an eyeroll in a jokey "what did we sign up for!?!?" way all make the difficult bits of married life worth it.

Been together 11 years, so not forever, but things get better over time, not worse.

Sound like the relationship is dead in the water tbh?

He's unhappy if you speak to him, and still unhappy when you don't.

He doesn't value your company and just wants to be left alone, while in the house with his wife.
He thinks you're 'trying too hard' to get his attention, rather than simply asking a question or two.

You really don't sound happy at all, and he's telling you that he's not happy with you talking/not talking, so what is the actual point of being together at all?

For goodness sake get away from him.
He doesn't like you, he certainly doesn't love you.

Having children with him would be so dreadful.
Don't inflict him on a child.
He is not a good man, husband and would be an awful father.

Wake up.

I think maybe your husband isn't cut out for marriage.

I mean, even if he didn't feel like talking, how difficult would it have been for him just to answer your questions? What is wrong with having a conversation after 8 hours not communicating? At the very least, he could have said politely something along the lines of "I"m sorry, I need to concentrate on this, I'll come out soon".

I'm also wondering about the fact that he spent 8 hours playing video games. Is he addicted?

Of course it’s meant to be fun! And I say this as someone very far from their 20’s, with two very small DC. DH and I are currently at the most sleep deprived and time poor we’re ever likely to be. We’re still having a marvellous time, with lots of laughter and joy.

@leahfz this relationship would have had red flags before now. You probably thought things would improve over time. Unfortunately that rarely happens.

I think that you husband doesn't seem to like you very much. I don't think he's ever going to enjoy your company, specifically seek to spend time with you or give any priority to your feelings.

He won't change because he doesn't value you and probably believes that you'll never leave.

What particulary makes this is a good relationshp?

What makes you choose to stay?

I don't think marriage or long term relationships are constant fun, things happen and the fun stops. Knowing my husband has my back when things aren't fun is very important.
Obviously if the fun stops permanently that's a different matter.

Are you in a position to leave?
I'm afraid you're married to someone who doesn't like you and it will only get worse. Your husband should be looking forward to the weekend so you can spend time together not treating your existence like a nuisance.

Marriage should be mutually beneficial, yours isn't.

Of course it’s supposed to be fun - otherwise what’s the bloody point?

I’m so saddened by the misery so many women put up with.

Are you really 'working through' your issues or are you sweeping them under the carpet, swallowing them, learning to live with them, being told by him that you've 'dealt with them'?

Because it does sound as though he's controlling the narrative of your marriage and it really should not be this hard, not after three years. I also don't think it's you, OP, I think it's him that's not suited to marriage.

Of course it’s meant to be fun!! Playful, flirty, lots of laughs at any age. Doing fun things together. It’s not an endurance course or a business arrangement!

Sorry but I couldn’t live like this, life is too short. If you’re disagreeing and not getting on now then it’s not going to get better. Get out of this and be happy.

I too assumed you were going to say you had been married for a couple of decades.

I’ve been married for twenty five years, my husband has never spoken to me like that. He’s going to do his hobby this morning and this afternoon he’s going to cook with our daughter so he made sure that yesterday we spent most of the day together. For me, that’s what a marriage should be. You should treat the person you are married to better than anyone else, not worse. And you should definitely want to spend time with them. Otherwise what’s the point?

I've been married twenty years and yeah, it's easy, he makes me laugh. Obviously by 'fun' I don't mean screaming on waltzers but enjoyable- of course. That's the whole point.
We are childfree, which helps 😊

I'm guessing you don't have DC? If that is the case, cut your losses before you get a few years further down the line and end up with DC with this terrible specimen.

If you do have DC then I would personally be preparing quietly and carefully to build a life without him.

Either way things are very unlikely going to get better.

Is being in a long term relationship " meant to be fun?" all the time ? Is this realistic for fully formed adults eg: beyond your early '20s ? Life isn't all hearts and flowers, in adulthood and certainly parenthood it is about pulling together, compromise and teamwork. To be fair I am not getting a huge sense of those qualities here either.

You've not been together that long relatively speaking. Your relationship shouldn't be that difficult this early on. The mention of money is a huge red flag.

Step back and don't buy into the sink cost fallacy. Value yourself and consider your future life and what it's going to look like.

Those first few years of marriage should be the happiest! It’s sad that you’re already working through issues! Was he like this before you married?

He’s being an awkward cuss!
What exactly are YOU getting from this marriage?
To clarify you’re just not cut out for marriage to a selfish twat! You’re probably cut out for marriage to a reasonable man.