Page 5 | AIBU to insist my parents book a hotel for their visit?

WalkBackwards · 2026-08-22T13:28:58+00:00

We have moved house recently and our parents have been wanting to visit. We have said they can but that they will have to book a hotel as the spare bedrooms aren’t ready yet, or they can wait another couple of months and everything will be done in the house so they can then stay with us. They asked if there are beds in the spare rooms, which there are, so they suggested one of our children (adult and teenager) could sleep in there and they could have their room. I said no as the spare rooms are messy and being used for storage. They have now messaged our children to ask if they mind sleeping in another room so they can have their bedroom. I called my mum and told her not to do that, we had said no and if they want to visit, they need to get a hotel or wait. Were we unreasonable to say no to this? My parents plan to visit for 2 weeks at the start of September. My oldest child is only here til just after they plan to leave as he is going back to uni and my teenager needs her own space for studying as she is starting year 13.

2ndHandLou · 22/08/2026 19:09

JustGiveMeReason · 22/08/2026 18:22

I think your later posts have painted a very different picture from what you asked in your title and your opening post.

Like some others, I find it really bizarre to ask family to stay in a hotel or Air b'n'b when visiting.
BUT
I find the idea of going to stay with my dd and d-son-i-L for 2 weeks equally bizarre (if not travelling from other side of the world).
I do understand it makes sense to come before your ds goes to University. but not why it isn't a weekend or 3 or even 4 days.
I think your Mum was very wrong to ask the dc behind your back after you'd said no, even though I think (from your original information) it was strange of you to not let her visit.
I don't understand why she can't stay in your spare room though.

I don't think there's any mystery about understanding why the mum doesn't want to stay in the spare room, she just doesn't what to
Does it matter what the reason is ? It doesn't sound like there's any chance of her changing her mind. She's a grown woman, she knows the result it that she doesn't get to stay at all, her choice

Original poster

WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 19:08

Ilovemsrachel · 22/08/2026 18:58

What exactly is it about the spare room that isn’t up to their high standards? Is it because of the boxes? What’s the rationale?

Yes the boxes. It’s also got gym equipment stored in it as the garage is currently being worked on which is where all that stuff will go. It’s a big room so they would still have room but they wouldn’t like to stay in a room where everything isn’t just so.

OP posts:

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:07

Is it the cost of a hotel room for a fortnight in peak season that is a factor Op?

GrievanceList · 22/08/2026 19:07

WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 16:41

FFS! Why are people making things up? In my first post I said they asked if there was a bed in any of the spare rooms and when they knew there was, they suggested my children sleep in there. They didn’t suggest sleeping in there themselves. They are not willing to sleep in there!!!!

Are people just trolling?

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Well maybe if multiple people are not understanding the nuances of your post, maybe it's you. Just a thought.

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:06

WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 19:03

My kids would happily sleep in it at a relatives house, but they are in their own home and want their own room with their own things.

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No I’m asking if you would feel happy with your parents sleeping in the room? Messy and full of stuff? As no where in your Op do you seem to actually suggest they sleep in the spare room despite the mess

Pinkissmart · 22/08/2026 19:05

Why can’t your kids sleep in the living room so their grandparents can stay?
I can’t fathom making my parents stay in a hotel

2ndHandLou · 22/08/2026 19:04

HollyhocksandPeons · 22/08/2026 15:09

I would rather sleep under a bridge myself, than suggest my parents book a hotel.

You're probably aware though that that's quite an extreme reaction and frankly any parent whod let happen would be pretty selfish

Original poster

WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 19:03

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 18:49

Would you have felt comfortable with your parents sleeping in a room that you say is very messy and full of stuff? And the same room you wouldn’t want your teens to be subjected to

Edited

My kids would happily sleep in it at a relatives house, but they are in their own home and want their own room with their own things.

OP posts:

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:03

@WalkBackwards responded to her parents asking if there was a spare room in the affirmative but explained that messy and full of stuff. She did not offer it to her parents.
Her parents then asked if there was a bed in the spare room
The Op said yes but still didn’t offer it to them
The grandparents then asked if the grandkids could sleep in there

so if you read the Op…. At no point does the Op actually say she said to her parents that despite it being very messy, they could still stay in it

Ilovemsrachel · 22/08/2026 18:58

What exactly is it about the spare room that isn’t up to their high standards? Is it because of the boxes? What’s the rationale?

Inertia · 22/08/2026 18:50

PensionPTake · 22/08/2026 18:38

Your op said the spare bedrooms aren't ready yet, you've later changed it to your parents can stay in the spare bedroom but don't want too. It is confusing.

There is a spare room with a bed and stuff stored in it. The parents don’t want that- they want a fancy, decorated room. The room they want doesn’t exist yet.

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 18:49

Would you have felt comfortable with your parents sleeping in a room that you say is very messy and full of stuff? And the same room you wouldn’t want your teens to be subjected to

Inertia · 22/08/2026 18:46

Sounds like they want hotel standard rooms but don’t want the cost or inconvenience.

I don’t understand why you are twisting yourself in knots to pander to your parents. You are in the middle of invasive house renovations while getting DC packed up for uni and working FT, and they want to be under your feet for 2 WEEKS! It isn’t workable for your parents to visit now.

House renovations soak up money - you probably have dozens of priorities ahead of Air BNB costs.

I’d arrange to meet for a day trip somewhere in the middle, and have lunch out with them.

Notonthestairs · 22/08/2026 18:43

PensionPTake · 22/08/2026 18:38

Your op said the spare bedrooms aren't ready yet, you've later changed it to your parents can stay in the spare bedroom but don't want too. It is confusing.

The room isn’t ready because her parents have exacting standards despite the fact the OP’s just moved house.

Original poster

WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 18:42

KrazyKatty · 22/08/2026 18:36

Fucking ageist bollocks!!!

Sixty is hardly old for gods sake! DH (70’s) and I’m 60’s and we’re still going to rock gigs etc. The idea that a person in their 60’s is a doddery old fool is ridiculous and utterly condescending.

Most 60 yr olds are still fucking working!!

60 is the new 40!!!

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I hope I haven’t come across as ageist. I only meant I had noticed my mums anxiety increasing as she has got older. Some friends have said they have noticed it in their parents and older relatives too.

I know lots of older people that are still living very full lives and hope to still do so myself as I get older.

OP posts:

Notonthestairs · 22/08/2026 18:41

JustGiveMeReason · 22/08/2026 18:22

I think your later posts have painted a very different picture from what you asked in your title and your opening post.

Like some others, I find it really bizarre to ask family to stay in a hotel or Air b'n'b when visiting.
BUT
I find the idea of going to stay with my dd and d-son-i-L for 2 weeks equally bizarre (if not travelling from other side of the world).
I do understand it makes sense to come before your ds goes to University. but not why it isn't a weekend or 3 or even 4 days.
I think your Mum was very wrong to ask the dc behind your back after you'd said no, even though I think (from your original information) it was strange of you to not let her visit.
I don't understand why she can't stay in your spare room though.

Well it’s clear that the Op wouldn’t ordinarily ask them to stay elsewhere.

It’s a one off forced by her parent’s insistence that they come now.

She’s just moved house and has builders in. A few more weeks and the spare room would have been decorated to her parents standards.

Their failure to compromise on either date or the standards of the spare room is what’s causing problems.

Loulou4022 · 22/08/2026 18:41

KrazyKatty · 22/08/2026 18:36

Fucking ageist bollocks!!!

Sixty is hardly old for gods sake! DH (70’s) and I’m 60’s and we’re still going to rock gigs etc. The idea that a person in their 60’s is a doddery old fool is ridiculous and utterly condescending.

Most 60 yr olds are still fucking working!!

60 is the new 40!!!

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Oh whatever!! I’m trying to show a bit of compassion and see things from the parent’s point of view and find a solution!
Evidently this thread should have come with a caveat of only comment if you’re going to wholeheartedly agree with the OP!! As it seems anyone who makes other suggestions is shot down! So you all carry on winding up the OP that her parents are shit and she should probably go non contact with them while she’s at it!!

PensionPTake · 22/08/2026 18:38

Your op said the spare bedrooms aren't ready yet, you've later changed it to your parents can stay in the spare bedroom but don't want too. It is confusing.

KrazyKatty · 22/08/2026 18:36

Loulou4022 · 22/08/2026 18:15

Sadly you’re between a rock and hard place! Older people do get rather stuck in their ways and can make life tricky without realising it/ meaning to. Their lives once they retire become easier and they don’t remember the hard bits of working and having kids etc when they have all the time in the world. I’m sure we’ll all become the same when we get to their age.
Can you say to DS (as he hasn’t started uni yet so doesn’t need his room for studying) Fred, granny and grandpa are being a pain in the ass would you and GF mind sleeping in the shed/ spare room until the en suite is finished then granny and grandpa can have that room.

Show quote history

Fucking ageist bollocks!!!

Sixty is hardly old for gods sake! DH (70’s) and I’m 60’s and we’re still going to rock gigs etc. The idea that a person in their 60’s is a doddery old fool is ridiculous and utterly condescending.

Most 60 yr olds are still fucking working!!

60 is the new 40!!!

0Thatsplenty0 · 22/08/2026 18:33

BlueMum16 · 22/08/2026 17:22

Yes I've read them all.

The OP was frustrated as people are focused on that her posts changed. Did you not see her post I quoted when I replied with her own words?

The thread started with her saying they couldn't not stay, not the parents refusing.

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I don't just read the first post, I read all of an OP's posts before posting. OP's usually always add extra information and details on subsequent posts.

DaisyDooley · 22/08/2026 18:32

I think you sound lovely and are trying your best while desperately trying to maintain your own boundaries in your own home -ie your children staying in their own rooms.
If your parents have high standards then they stay in an hotel or airbnb this time, you have said the spare rooms will be up to their standard by Xmas -fine.
Im not surprised you are a bit demented with the ‘Whataboutery’on this thread.
Why don’t people read!
All you have to do is read your posts to understand!!
Just have a drink and chill. You are NOT unreasonable.

KrazyKatty · 22/08/2026 18:31

In your shoes, after them hassling the kids, I’d put my foot down with them and make them wait till Christmas to visit. Don’t pander to them!

I think they’re annoyed that you had the nerve to move away from them and want you to feel as miserable about it as they clearly are. Absolute cheeky fuckers!

I’m in my 60’s (DH is 70’s) with adult DC and we live in a different country so try to visit the kids/grandkids annually. However, we ALWAYS book into a hotel rather than cause them any inconvenience when we visit.

Surely, as older parents, you try to make your adult kids lives easier, not harder?

Your parents need to cop on and accept that their adult child has grown up and it’s perfectly normal for them to move away.

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 18:31

We have said they can but that they will have to book a hotel as the spare bedrooms aren’t ready yet, or they can wait another couple of months and everything will be done in the house so they can then stay with us.

but then you went on to say to your parents that even though spare bedrooms aren’t ready yet, they can still kip in there? If they had said… sure we will sleep in the spare room despite you saying that’s it’s very messy and full of stuff - would you have felt comfortable about this?

Hanksness · 22/08/2026 18:30

You are very patient OP.
Your parents sound very difficult and demanding.
I am in my 60's and do not think their behaviour is acceptable.
Contacting your children after you made your position clear, is disrespectful, controlling and manipulative.
I wouldn't be happy at all about this.

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 18:28

Is it the financial cost of two weeks staying in a hotel during peak season that is making them reluctant to do this?