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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to insist my parents book a hotel for their visit?

334 replies

WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 14:28

We have moved house recently and our parents have been wanting to visit. We have said they can but that they will have to book a hotel as the spare bedrooms aren’t ready yet, or they can wait another couple of months and everything will be done in the house so they can then stay with us.

They asked if there are beds in the spare rooms, which there are, so they suggested one of our children (adult and teenager) could sleep in there and they could have their room. I said no as the spare rooms are messy and being used for storage. They have now messaged our children to ask if they mind sleeping in another room so they can have their bedroom. I called my mum and told her not to do that, we had said no and if they want to visit, they need to get a hotel or wait.

Were we unreasonable to say no to this? My parents plan to visit for 2 weeks at the start of September. My oldest child is only here til just after they plan to leave as he is going back to uni and my teenager needs her own space for studying as she is starting year 13.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 22/08/2026 21:08

I’ve been reading through and it feels like a compromise could be reached. It sounds like they’re used to having more access and really want to see your son before he goes to uni. So waiting won’t work. For a variety of reasons they find travel difficult and staying in a chaotic room hard. So… can you go pick them up? Can they take the train?

personally I’d say a week (or long weekend even if you can sort the transport) and put them in your son’s room. He’s packing up anyway so can pack things up into the spare room and they can sleep in his room. Or shift the random stuff into his room and they have the guest room. I think two weeks is way too long but your son should be able to flex for 4/5 nights. I can totally see why they don’t want to wait and it sounds like you’ve all spent a lot of time together up until now so it’s understandable that she’s struggling.

Copperoliverbear · 22/08/2026 20:49

You are not being unreasonable they are very pushy and I’d be furious that they went behind my back

Lunde · 22/08/2026 20:27

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 20:03

Really? My point is that her parents sound quite lovely

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I think they sound rather controlling (speaking as a woman in her 60s)

They won't spend money to help OP out who is dealing with house move, working from home, child going to uni plus builders renovating the house

Lunde · 22/08/2026 20:23

Loulou4022 · 22/08/2026 18:15

Sadly you’re between a rock and hard place! Older people do get rather stuck in their ways and can make life tricky without realising it/ meaning to. Their lives once they retire become easier and they don’t remember the hard bits of working and having kids etc when they have all the time in the world. I’m sure we’ll all become the same when we get to their age.
Can you say to DS (as he hasn’t started uni yet so doesn’t need his room for studying) Fred, granny and grandpa are being a pain in the ass would you and GF mind sleeping in the shed/ spare room until the en suite is finished then granny and grandpa can have that room.

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Good grief that is very ageist and insulting. They are in their 60s not their 80s! - most people are still working at that age.

MerryUmberHedgehog · 22/08/2026 20:17

If it is temporary a bit of jiggling around wont be hard. They shouldnt have gone behind your back. Surely you can shove a few boxes out of the way though?

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 20:14

MyLimeGuide · 22/08/2026 20:07

Both parties could be lovely but my point is they are from different worlds

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How do you know?

MyLimeGuide · 22/08/2026 20:07

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 20:03

Really? My point is that her parents sound quite lovely

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Both parties could be lovely but my point is they are from different worlds

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 20:03

MyLimeGuide · 22/08/2026 20:02

I just think the OP and her parents are from two different worlds!

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Really? My point is that her parents sound quite lovely

MyLimeGuide · 22/08/2026 20:02

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:54

No way it’s genuine

They sound lovely

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I just think the OP and her parents are from two different worlds!

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:54

MyLimeGuide · 22/08/2026 19:51

Is this sarcasm I can't figure it out!

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No way it’s genuine

They sound lovely

MyLimeGuide · 22/08/2026 19:51

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:41

They want to spend their money on you and your children, and don’t want to spend it on themselves ❤️

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Is this sarcasm I can't figure it out!

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:41

WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 19:36

Yes, I’ve already confirmed that I suggested it. I knew they wouldn’t but did ask.

Money shouldn’t be an issue, they’re rich, but very tight with some things and not others. They’ insisted on paying towards school fees and then uni tuition fees and accommodation, but then deny themselves a few pounds on a slice of cake in a cafe. I’ve spoken to them about it many times but they don’t change. Like now, I’ve sent them the link to the Airbnb and said we will pay, our treat, but they’re still saying it’s a waste of money. In the next breath they’re offering to buy our daughter a new car. It makes no sense.

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They want to spend their money on you and your children, and don’t want to spend it on themselves ❤️

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:40

Are they very close to your grandchildren? When they received the messages, did your kids say they’d be happy to give up their rooms?

Original poster
WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 19:36

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:26

Yes but have you actually said “mum you can sleep in the spare room despite it being full of stuff”

and… could it be financials is a factor?

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Yes, I’ve already confirmed that I suggested it. I knew they wouldn’t but did ask.

Money shouldn’t be an issue, they’re rich, but very tight with some things and not others. They’ insisted on paying towards school fees and then uni tuition fees and accommodation, but then deny themselves a few pounds on a slice of cake in a cafe. I’ve spoken to them about it many times but they don’t change. Like now, I’ve sent them the link to the Airbnb and said we will pay, our treat, but they’re still saying it’s a waste of money. In the next breath they’re offering to buy our daughter a new car. It makes no sense.

OP posts:
MyLimeGuide · 22/08/2026 19:30

If i offered my parents to stay at mine they would decline anyway and book a hotel! But they are super fussy and like their own space.

Ilovemsrachel · 22/08/2026 19:29

WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 19:08

Yes the boxes. It’s also got gym equipment stored in it as the garage is currently being worked on which is where all that stuff will go. It’s a big room so they would still have room but they wouldn’t like to stay in a room where everything isn’t just so.

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This does sound like OCD then - your poor mum and poor you. Saying that, she is being totally unreasonable because mental illness can be totally unreasonable. It sounds like staying with you will be stressful anyway what with the renovations.

Hopefully the Airbnb will be a solution that can work for all of you in the future.

MyLimeGuide · 22/08/2026 19:27

I haven't read everything but skimmed I can't understand some of the comments here! They want to stay for 2 weeks!! Thats a lot! If I lived with my parents for two weeks it would be intense and hard work (and we are close!) And invading on your set up with the teenagers etc, its their home not your parents, if it was like 2 or 3 nights id say YABU but in this case hell yeah they should get a hotel, atleast for half of it and compromise??

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:26

WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 19:11

They are welcome to sleep in there but I know my mum and know there is not a chance of her sleeping in there. I’ve explained why.

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Yes but have you actually said “mum you can sleep in the spare room despite it being full of stuff”

and… could it be financials is a factor?

DollyTots · 22/08/2026 19:20

Not that we have a spare room anyway but I just don’t want overnight guests. Guess that means I don’t love my parents going by some of these responses.

OP you’ve tried to accommodate and they’re not interested unless it’s what they want.

My child is entitled to their own space, it is their home too. I can’t fathom being so entitled that I couldn’t accept a no in good grace, particularly if I’m asking for someone’s hospitality.

Original poster
WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 19:17

Pinkissmart · 22/08/2026 19:05

Why can’t your kids sleep in the living room so their grandparents can stay?
I can’t fathom making my parents stay in a hotel

Read my posts and I’ve explained. 😀

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 22/08/2026 19:17

3hrs away so they could drive there and back in day - or stay 1/2 nights. No need for 2weeks

if they don’t went to sleep in the spare bedroom knowing they have a bed

then they don’t come or stay in a b&b which will be costly for 2weeks

Inertia · 22/08/2026 19:17

The thing with house renovations is that everything is a mess. Stuff is in the wrong places, there’s dust and noise, there’s an endless trail of builders going in and out, there are vans playing Tetris on the driveway. Some days the water/ gas/electricity have to go off for a few hours.

Someone too hoity-toity to sleep in room which also contains some boxes and dumbbells alongside a perfectly good bed is unlikely to be happy about the rest of the disruption around the house.

Original poster
WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 19:16

GrievanceList · 22/08/2026 19:07

Well maybe if multiple people are not understanding the nuances of your post, maybe it's you. Just a thought.

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The multiple people sound remarkably similar. Move onto another post if you don’t understand mine.

The thread has been helpful as I didn’t think of an Airbnb, probably because I have so much going on at the moment and don’t know you could negotiate the price. It’s also been helpful to see most people don’t think I’m being unreasonable. It’s always nice to get a sense check and reassurance.

Having someone in your life who struggles with anxiety and what I think is ocd is difficult. I’m trying to be understanding to my parents as well as not make our life harder than it is right now with work, a new house, renovations, kids preparing for back to college and uni etc.

OP posts:
2ndHandLou · 22/08/2026 19:12

Pinkissmart · 22/08/2026 19:05

Why can’t your kids sleep in the living room so their grandparents can stay?
I can’t fathom making my parents stay in a hotel

This thread is weird, how can anyone not understand people staying in a hotel?

I don't have children old enough to have their own homes but when they do I won't mind at all if circumstances mean I have to stay in a hotel or airbnb, it's not a bad thing or an insult or judgement on the closeness of the relationship

Life happens

Original poster
WalkBackwards · 22/08/2026 19:11

Onbuy · 22/08/2026 19:06

No I’m asking if you would feel happy with your parents sleeping in the room? Messy and full of stuff? As no where in your Op do you seem to actually suggest they sleep in the spare room despite the mess

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They are welcome to sleep in there but I know my mum and know there is not a chance of her sleeping in there. I’ve explained why.

OP posts: