AIBU to insist my parents book a hotel for their visit?

Yes - but your family is obviously the squeeze in together type whereas OP's parents are clearly not. It would be easy if it were a couple of nights but OP's parents refuse to come for fewer than 14 nights because 3 hours is "so far" in their 60s 🙄

OP is in the middle of a world of stress

• recently moved house
• builders in the house
• both her and DH working from home in the chaos
• ds off to uni
• dd starting final A level year

OP's parents are very picky and choosing to add to the stress by refusing to compromise on time (has to be a fortnight) or room standard (has to meet their specifications)

• turned down making do in the spare room - not up to their standards
• turned down OPs room - don't want to get up for 7.30 for the builders
• turned down the husband's garden office that has a bed, power and water - won't stay in a shed

OP - having just set up her dd's room for her studies doesn't want to force her out of her quiet place to study for the first weeks of term and force her to camp in the spare room without full access to text books, clothes, desk etc. DS is off to uni and will need access to his room to pack.

Did you not read that the OP’s parents can’t stay in a room with boxes?

My family is like this, we all just squeeze in and make it work. I’d never ask family to book a hotel in these circumstances, I’d must
just move some boxes and make space. Wanting to see ds before uni is a nice thing.

we just had guests stay so dd3 gave her room up as her bed becomes a double, she slept on an airbed and dd2 was on a camp bed in the very small study so dnephew could have a bed in the room next to his parents. Is it super convenient? No, but we make it work.

I disagree completely.

You say you'd never put family out, but can't you see that's exactly what OPs mum is trying to do - put out her daughter, SiL and grandchildren?! It's not like she hasn't been invited - just asked to wait a bit until they're set up for people staying - not an unreasonable request. And the youngest is entering an intense period at school and needs space for homework etc.

As for going behind her daughter's back and going to the kids directly to try and over-ride her - big fat no! Bloody cheeky mare. How dare she. My mum pulls this type of stunt regularly and it pisses me off (expecting them to return from uni mid term to help her after I've explained they're half way down the country)

I don’t think it’s rude for the GP’s to want to see their GS before he goes back to uni! The timing is admittedly a bit shite but sometimes the stars don’t align as we would like them to and we just have to make the best of it. They can’t postpone the work being done and DS’s uni start can’t be changed. Personally I’d roll my eyes, grumble to DH and just make it work without a hotel but if the OP can’t do that then that’s fine and up to her. For me part of the joy of visiting people and have people visit is the stopping over. Sitting in your pjs watching telly in the evening, having breakfast together.

So they actually don’t want to stay that much. They only want to stay in a way that suits them. Seems pretty selfish to me. You have offered a solution, they don’t like it and have tried to manipulate your children into fitting in with them. That’s not on. Stick to your guns. Your almost adult children need their space.

And why would the kids have to move rooms anyway? If you did it that way at all it would make more sense for your parents to stay in the unfurnished spare rooms

I don't think the Op has to take responsibility for the more far out responses.

It was an obvious vent of frustration and a bit of sense check - unsurprising given moving house is considered on of the most stressful events after death and divorce.
And then throw building work in to the mix.

I think youve hit the nail on the head with this post. And before others ask, yes,I have read all the OP’s posts. Mumsnet really is like a parallel universe to the one I live in when it comes to parents and in laws.

You can't have read the Op's posts.

Yes, me too! Out of order. I’d be telling them not to come till you’re settled. Tough. They’ve shot themselves in the foot by being dicks about it.

I’d get as much of the stuff out of the spare room as possible and give it a good clean. Dump the gym equipment in the garden office if possible. It needs to go downstairs anyway.

Send your mum a photo and say I’m sure this will he fine.

We used to move our DS out of his room for a few days at christmas for the DGPs but I would not have done that for a fortnight, and not even for a few days in school term time, so your DD should not give up her room. If the GF is staying over a lot that rules out DS’s room as well.

You can only bend over backwards so far before ending up doing a backflip. You've reached that point. So it's Airbnb or postpone.

Have you read the thread? Just skip the other posts and read the ops posts before commenting.

The parents don't want to sleep in a uncompleted room.

Completely the same here.
My Mum would come and help me sort everything out for a start.

Read. The. Thread.

Op said they are getting the main bedroom end suite done and builders/plumbers will be there from 7.30am and her parents don't want to have to be out of bed for then.

You beat me to it - that was my first thought too. Out of order and would piss me off.

so your family would suggest visiting for 2 weeks during a move whilst work is being done, people are working and suggest giving up your beds? I don’t think that’s a sign of closeness, it’s quite rude,

Oh they can fucking stay where they are! I'd be furious that:

1. You have not long moved and they think they're entitled to stay for 2 weeks, fuck off!

2. They think they're to good to sleep in a not ready room, we'll stay in a hotel or better still, stay at home.

3. They are happy to toss your children out of their own rooms, the cheeky fuckery is at large.

4. To go behind your back and ask your children to give up their personal space for 2 long sodding weeks after the upheaval of moving. Your boundaries have been crossed and they are not to be trusted IMO.

I would tell them that they can stay home and facetime your son before he goes to uni.
We accept certain things from family members, but this is intolerable behaviour, masked as caring about wanting to see their grandson but bollocks to everyone else. Absolutely not!

Two weeks? I wouldn’t last two days with them.

They refused - not up to their standards

Your mums reaction is definitely not acceptable! Cancel her trip outright . It's not that urgent that they have to come before you are ready. And when you are ready limit the time she can stay maybe two nights only! That'll tell her you make the decisions!

I couldn't bear them staying for 2 weeks and would not agree to that it's making me stressed thinking about it.

I think, even if one of your DC was willing to give up their bedroom, they would need access to it every day. Your DD will need her clothes, books, computer etc and your DS will be packing for uni. This would be very disruptive for your parents. Your mother should not have contacted them after you had explained the options. (I'm also impressed that your DC's bedrooms meet your parents' exacting standards.)