AIBU to insist my parents book a hotel for their visit?

What is a spare room for if not for guests? They are being absolutely ridiculous and they can stick their old fashioned ‘formal’ values where the sun don’t shine!

At 18, if my son wanted to swap with his grandparents, I wouldn’t be forbidding him

I certainly hope she would decide for them. It’s an outrageous notion, given the intended length of the visit.
This is their home, and that ought to have meaning in their parents’ actions, in circs like this.

Anyway these prospective guests have erased any goodwill I’d have, with their impersonation of an immovable block of concrete. You don’t invite yourself to any home, even your offspring’s, and lay down demands such as these.

I can’t get my head round this site some times. Of course you can’t chuck your kids out their own rooms for two weeks as your parents don’t wish to sleep in the spare room. One night, maybe, but 2 weeks, no way.

i also think it’s awful they texted the kids when you already said no, that’s not ok. Why do they think it’s ok to have a grandkid chucked out their room for two weeks and all the hassle associated with thay and their stuff

id not habe offered to pay. They are making this purposely difficult.

No the Op didn’t say that they didn’t want to

she said she didn’t want them to take the spare room because…. Xyz

no where does the Op actually say both her adult kids have said “no way am I swapping”

I presume they did though.

Yes they don't want to swap - the DD is in her final A-level year and needs her quiet study space with desk, computer, books etc the DS is off to uni and needs to pack and wants a private space for last days with gf. Neither want to have restricted access to their clothing and other stuff for 2 weeks.

The parents seem very rigid - have turned down 5 options (3 in OP's home) as not up to their standards and refuse to come for less than a fortnight.

OP doesn't have a 13 year old. She has 17 year old (year 13) who needs a quiet place to study now that school is starting for her final A level year

She has a child off to Uni who needs to pack their room

The parents have been offered 3 options in OP's home - all of which they turned down as not meeting their standards

• spare room - not up to standards
• OP's room - don't want to get up for builders
• OP's DH's garden office - don't want to be in the garden

It would be a lot easier for everyone if they'd come for a shorter visit or be prepared to compromise their standards

Your “children” are in their late teens.

Have they both said they don’t want to swap? Or are you deciding for them? I’m not clear

If this were for a long weekend then I'd ask a DC to move. But not for 2 weeks at the beginning of a new term. Your youngest needs a PC and also space to decompress.

If the spare room is on offer but not up to required standards it sounds like a them problem. I'd offer either coming for a much shorter length eg Friday-Monday, Airbnb or holding off.

If your parents are definitely coming, I would ask your 13 year old to move into the spare room with boxes for two weeks.

This!!!

The fact that the majority of people seem to think it’s okay to make their parents get a hotel, there are beds in the rooms.

The kids can sleep there, or share a room or the lounge. Yet on MN there are a lot of people lamenting the fact they don’t get enough help from grandparents.

I think it’s shameful how you are treating them and so very strange.

We live about 3 hours from our daughter and her family. We regularly visit for long weekends, she lives in a popular touristy area but I can't imagine spending 2 weeks, it's not as if the local attractions are going to vanish before our next visit. We used to stay in their spare room until children came along and we now book into a budget hotel close by, have breakfast there and go back before the kids bedtime routine starts (they're at an age where Granny and Grandad being around is an exciting distraction 😊)

If a 3 hour drive is too much for them, why not do this

They drive for an hour, stay overnight.

Drive for an hour, stay overnight.

Drive for an hour, get to yours and stay for 3 nights.

Same in reverse.

Make a holiday out of it without inconveniencing you and getting in the way too much. They could find a nice B&B (not an AirBnB where the owners expect you to do cleaning for them and goodness knows what else).

I don’t understand your parents thinking. Why would a teenagers bedroom be more comfortable than a guest room waiting to be decorated.
Maybe if you move the stuff you’re storing in the spare room out to the summer house?
You are not being unreasonable, your title sounded like you might be but you aren’t. Maybe the negative responses haven’t read your whole post.

For 2 weeks as they were starting school? I’d never do this to my children or grandchildren when there’s a spare room, really weird

I have to say in sympathy with PPs I too interpreted what you wrote as the parents asking if they could stay in the spare room, suspect it is a mental leap suggested by the 'is there a bed in there'? But totally understand you didn't actually say that!

I think the air bnb is the only option left. If they say no to that I'd say ok well will see you in December then (or relevant month) when tje house is ready. You've offered them all the solutions, if they don't take them up that si entirely on them not you. They need to decide what matters most to them, nd if missing all of you and seeing you soon is important they will have to compromise.

NB all my 60+ years old relatives are the same, fuss and dither because they have an idea in their heads of what should happen and if it doesn't they are unhappy. Except my parents actually who are quite happy to just tell you they are unhappy very decisively!

Then why suggest they take the OP’s bedroom?

so they wont stay in a soare room they wont accept an airbnb so theyre not coming then

It wouldn’t matter if my folks had said they’d kip in the messy spare room rammed with stuff… not a CHANCE my two teens would have allowed it! Both would have insisted gran and gramps room took their room.

Read it. Pompous response..