To have yelled like absolute hell at my five year old

These things happen… Nearly there! 1 week to go?

Grew up in an era when everybody got shouted at . It's just raising your voice . Me and my sister could really wind each other up and didn't stop until one parent shouted at us . Then we knew we had gone too far . And deserved it .

" A five year old being a five year old "? Since when is it acceptable to be jumping on couches . It's not and it is not depriving a kid to say that it's not allowed .

Maybe because things were expensive and hard to come by but we were taught to respect our home and belongings. Had plenty of toys and house certainly wasn't a show house . I find kids have very few boundaries which is OK too if you don't mind . Problem is when you try to go to other places. Nobody wants someone else 's kid jumping on furniture.

Rubbish. Sorry, holier than thou attitude. Mum is human you know and she's on here admitting what she did - this does not sound like a mum who does this all the time.. And... it worked. He calmed down, job done.

He learned to shout at people instead of manage his temper

Let him watch TV!

Depends what you mean

'get down for the sofa right now before you hurt yourself for goodness sake' is 1 thing, a prolonged sweary and threatening rant is different

Good for you! Kids need to learn to respect other people, especially their parents. Hebpushed you, you pushed back. He learned something.

I shouted at my kids on occasions. Long hot summer, nearing the end of the school holidays. Don’t beat yourself up. Apologise and then explain why his behaviour made you shout. Move on.

mine are adults now and perfectly well rounded individuals, doing incredibly well at uni and work and very close to me. My occasional shouting hasn’t ruined their lives

The kid wasn’t in the wrong. They were just being 5!

No, it really isn't. The kid was in the wrong in the first place. It's for the child to apologise and then, if mum feels it is the right thing to do, she may apologise for shouting. Otherwise you end up with entitled brats who think they're never wrong.

It is SOOO important that you apologise to a child when you’ve got it wrong. It teaches them that we’re all human and make mistakes, and thereby makes them
more comfortable making mistakes themselves.
Never underestimate the power of an apology.

What a sanctimonious boring comment. The woman is human. Why would you apologise to a 5 year old. Their brains are still in their arses

I shouted at my kids, my mum shouted at us, we all ended up absolutely fine but we knew where the boundaries were.

Your 5 year old should be apologising to you for not listening and complying with what I'm sure were numerous polite requests to cease and desist. Once he has done that you can sit down and discuss what happened rationally and explain boundaries and behaviours.

You are in charge and he needs to realise that.

Hay we all snap from time to time. A simple “hay I’m sorry I should not have shouted at you, but sometimes even adults lose control of their emotions” will do. That’s what I say to my kids. My mum had 6 kids so you can imagine she sometimes lost her cool, but she’s a great mum overall and we all agree we had a good childhood. As long as you’re not yelling at him all the time it’s fine.

Don’t beat yourself up, you know it’s not ideal but it’s done now. Can he self-entertain usually? I’ve only had girls but my husband says that at that age he needed to be outside constantly to burn energy, he couldn’t play without constant attention in the house. They had a fenced in garden and he had a ball, goal net, bike, scooter, trampoline etc and his Mum would just throw him outside 🤣.

i can’t imagine many of us want to shout at our children but the vast majority of us will at some time. Don’t beat yourself up - it is okay to not be perfect and it is okay to show your children it is okay not to be perfect too.

Don't beat yourself up.
My take on it is he has had a busy few days. He's now struggling to regulate his behaviour, because he's probably a bit wired, but not all kids know how to self regulate at that age. Downtime is really important, quiet activities or movie time. It can be hard to get them to do that when they are wired so meet half way with an activity that will hopefully quieten the behavior and wind down to a quieter activity.

Simon says is a good game, have them move like a tortoise, snake be a cat etc. Or musical statues. Anything that encourages lowering of voice and energy levels x

@wehaveafire
Bless you! We've all been there! x

Why? Why would this help a mum asking for help? Give context. How many children do you have. How many hours do you have them alone. How do you set boundaries?

why just pull someone down.

I have four children. I have a husband who works away so I solo parent the majority of the time.

do I want to shout at my children? Nope.

have I shouted at them? Yes.

not often, but when a situation arises where a danger occurs and nobody is listening then yes. I have.

what’s preferable? Ok run along the back of the sofa , it’s ok I will pick you up when you fall out the window. Natural consequences.

yes of course run across the road after being taught and asked repeatedly to wait. The cars understand and will hit you gently.

sometimes a firm NO is needed.

If my boss, my sister or my mum perpetually ignored requests to do something differently; if they were behaving in an off the wall way which impacted my health and well being, if they knew better but still persisted in doing something they knew I didn't want them to - damn right I'd yell at them.

Poor kid

I'm often surprised how many people think it's OK to shout at their children

Men used to excuse domestic abuse by saying their wives were pressing their buttons / pushing them to the limit. We've moved on from that, thankfully

When angry / frustrated? Would you shout at your boss? Your sister? Your Mum? If not, then it's your choice to lose the rag and shout at your kids

We've all done it. No worries.

At the end of the day, when all is (fingers crossed) calmer , have a “what could we both have done differently today “chat with him.

Then draw a line under it.

And forgive yourself. It’s hard having kids and you are only human

Hope the day gets better ☺️

My aunt used to advise me... "everything is always better in the open air." and I found that it did work. I had two whirlwinds at the time.. and really it was just like a dog needing a walk... desperate to zoom about for a bit.
It's not always convienient though and when you are tired it, its sometimes the last thing you want to do, but try it.
The other trick was to bring drinks and small snacks like a small sandwhich or something. It didn't spoil their dinner but it did stop them being Hangry.
I also realised that when I got cross and raised my voice at them... how do you top that? There's a limit.. so getting them to stop by shouting is just wearing you outl... and if they learn that's what they should respond to.. you have to keep upping your effort on it, which doesn't work at all and is horrible for both of you.
So you have to switch to the lower the tone voice

Also.. if its because they are desperate for attention, its less exhausting to get down on your knees or sit them down. Hold both hands and look right in the eye. and say "what is it you want to say. " Then they've got it all out and soon get bored with the talking. Maybe thats the time to read them a book or something. Actually Audio books are brilliant for that. We'd start the audio book in the bath... and they'd be interested in the story so that by the time they'd been tucked up and you could put it on a timer and collapse.. It really helped get my most hyperactive one to sleep.
Another tried and tested summer holidays thing is take him for a good long swim. It really tires them out.. Or a bike ride picnic (if you can go on relatively safe roads) . Or one of those tennis balls on a stick

However, this is just what worked with mine. Parenting is trial and error and never perfect... I had a list I ran through, hungry, bored, tired, frustrated, needs exercise, fed up after arguing, over excited, wants attention... and I'd try to address which ever one seemed most likely.
You have all my sympathy though, its not easy, we are not mind readers. They are not communication experts (yet). As many other pps have said, its been a LONG hot summer and you are probably both a bit frazzelled. He's shooting up at five and sometimes its just a growth spurt.. and I think its also a sign that he's really really ready for school and seeing lots of new people and challenges.
One tip that really helped me stop the post school freak outs, was to have a little snack and a drink ready at pick up as they sometimes unload on you because they've had to sit still and listen to instructions and the whole pent up energy comes tumbling out. They may have been too excited to eat much and get Hangry,,,but the drink snack thing worked for us. You can get him in the habit of having a run around when he gets in and then a quiet time.

You did the right thing having a vent about it, helps you move on. It will get easier I promise. Wishing you and your tearaway all the best x

My brother never did what he was told until Mum lost it and shouted. Even now (he has just retired) he says he knew he could carry on doing/not doing as he was told until that point. Other threats or punishments were water off a duck's back until she yelled and God knows she tried all sorts. He was a mummy's boy until the day she died.