Was my friend out of line?

Yeah those ages are old enough to know that Dad is a dickhead. NO WAY at those ages would mine have asked a new girlfriend to attend sports day. Absolute bollocks

No ones just blaming the other woman, but it's the other woman that despite what she has done is being nasty to/about the wife

I had colleagues that where shagging

(There's not enough brain bleach in the world to get rid of what I saw in his car park one evening)

He married and had kids waaayyy too young and she was sexy and single

They didn't even try to hide it-even after she found herself a boyfriend,they where still sneaking off for a quick shag on work time

They really went to town on the ex wife-how ugly she was,the lack of sex,how she'd let herself go,how she deserved to have her marriage blow up in her face etc

I met the wife-she is a lovely lady-doing her best with 3 kids (two have disabilities) he works all hours,leaving her to it (he doesnt bother with the kids as hes always tinkering with his hobby-not the outing one!) and she'd done nothing wrong

If you'd belived the ow,this poor wife was the devil and she was going to take over and bring up the dc ('we'll drive off into the sunset and i'll be their new mummy!')

The ow flew a bit too close to the sun,leaving him panicking about his wife finding out and then she left the job and as far as I know,they are still shagging with the wife still not having a clue

Wife really doesn't deserve what's happening to her-poor thing is in the trenches with young kids and not much left over so he's found some elsewhere

What did piss me off is the ow got all the blame and he was innocent-i pointed out she hadn't taken the vows-he had and was just as guilty

Part of me hopes she finds out and takes him to the cleaners and the other part of me really doesn't want her and the kids to get hurt (they are such sweet kids)

Agree! I wonder if the OP has a husband/partner/kids, I'd keep the friend well away from them

Sounds like the husband has been feeding his new girlfriend a pack of lies about the wife

Your friend is totally deluded. How could she even have this perspective. She is the one in the wrong and so uncaring. I can't understand how she can be bitter towards the wife when she's the who the wife should be bitter towards.
2 months into an affair and then moving in with your friend is very quick. They can't possibly know eachother. I hope he leaves her, tries to return to his wife and the wife tells him where to go.
I know affairs are wrong and usually I'd still support a friend but in this case I wouldn't bother and couldn't be a friend to her any longer.
I cut contact with a friend who seemed very cut throat when she left her family. I understand why she left. It was her attitude towards the dcs that she left behind that I couldn't get over. She just wasn't the person I thought she was.

Only read OP and these are my thoughts. I'm interested in the answers, not assuming anyone cares about my thoughts.

Is this about you really?
How old are the adults and children in this scenario?
Why are you so against the wife? Your OP doesn't read as supportive or understanding of her as I'd hope someone would be, or you think.

Just yuk.

Did the dad not go to the sports day? I do think they should have taken a slower approach and no rushed into things and maybe should have waited before introducing the kids etc. But it is their life and In that respect what is done is done - the clocks cannot be turned back. It is a good sign the kids like her and asked her to sports day.

I also do not think that just because this man cheated on the wife he will do the same to your friend. People who are married have affairs, fall in love, leave their other halves and then live a happy, loyal life with the people they have had affairs with. It is not nice for the ex spouse, but it does happen. That said, your friend should have much more empathy for the ex wife, who has just lost her husband who she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with. It is not nice what she is saying. The man has likely poisoned her by saying things too. Again not nice. Your friend should have more grace - very immature. I think you should tell her what you think. Respectfully and gently.

I find in these situations, the 'new woman' always wants to bad mouth the ex to justify why the whole affair happened. Someone i knew used to say the ex was this 'council chav'. The bloke in question was having an affair, went back to his partner, married her, then quickly got divorced and married the mistress! Personally id have nothing in common with someone like your friend. I have lots of friends who get up to weird and wonderful things but fundamentally have the same values as me.

Yes, forgive yourself, learn from it and move on. He was a much.older married man and you were barely out of childhood.

This was before the affair was out in the open too. He told my sister that she was just a workmate who was supporting through a bad marriage.

My bil had an ow like this years ago. She actually told people at the sports event that she was my niece's mother. She told my sister that she wanted her life.Her husband, house and children. She did become bil's wife for awhile until he realized she was batshit crazy.

Tell your friend that she has no self-awareness and is extremely arrogant to think she can breeze onto the playing field at sports day to get the admiration of the other mums.

She appears to want everybody, including the ex wife, to applaud her for vastly improving the life of her new man.

She acknowledges none of the pain the ex wife is suffering at her own hands and none of the confusion and turmoil the children will suffer in being pulled between two houses for the rest of their childhoods.

I doubt the new relationship will last that long but the damage to the family is already done.
Also tell your friend that if and when she eventually matures and realises she isn’t the princess she thinks she is, her conscience will kick in and she will not only have to live with the burden of the part she played in breaking up a family, but how spectacularly unaware she was of her own embarrassing and callous flaws.

The kids don’t really get what’s going on. It wouldn’t really have mattered if she’d gone in that their mum being there came first. Your friend is just daddy’s new ‘friend’ so they invited her.
The man here has sold your friend a dud story and in order to justify her behaviour she’s bad-mouthing this woman. She’s a disgrace.
The affair thing maybe you could get over as they do happen.
But these behaviours are not okay. If she does have any caring feelings towards these children then she’d shut up.
It is classic DARVO.
I was in a relationship with someone with two young daughters. He’d been divorced for two years and his ex was engaged to someone else.
But I can remember him making comments in front of others about his children preferring my company and I went nuclear.
One of his DC (under 10) took mr aside and said Petula I really like you but I really love mummy more, is that okay?
Children pick up on this.
In the end after meeting her I’d rather have spent the day with their mum than their dad. End of that, then.
Give her a wide berth and just tell her if it all turns out as she wishes, then good for her. If it doesn’t, you can be there for her.

A friendship of mine never recovered after she got together with another friend’s husband. If she’d been humble and reflected on her actions fine, but she was so nasty about the other friend it was impossible not to judge.

Friendships grow apart, it sounds like this one is running its course.

Despicable behaviour, and your friend's a home wrecking trollop.

A person may not be happy in their marriage ( though presumably no one is blissfully happy in a long marriage) but their unhappiness may not be the fault of the marriage. If the marriage is normal and not abusive and they have been together a long time then the unhappy spouse is normally unhappy because they are unsatisfied with their own lives/ bored/ struggle with being known/ just an unhappy person who blames others.

These people may then have affairs. But they take their personalities with them to the new relationship and will therefore possibly repeat the pattern. My mums best friends ex husband is on marriage 4 - all the same pattern. Very long relationships. Wife’s very happy. Affair and then gone.

if you get with someone who has cheated in the past as a way of dealing with their unhappiness then there is the risk they will do it again if they become unhappy- for whatever reason.

She had no right to go to school sports day

what a huge lack of judgement and awareness she has.

i dont think i could be friends with someone so selfish

I am blown away at the amount of women who think nothing of having affairs with married men. I have very rarely seen men do this; in fact I can't think of a single example.

I had a flatmate who was shagging her boss. He was senior at her work and was married with 3 kids one a baby. They both used to really slag the wife off and wish she was dead! It was awful.

Even worse I met the wife at an event. She was a perfectly nice normal woman. Never felt so uncomfortable in my life.

Your friend sounds exactly the same as my ex's wife. Slightly different, he was out on bail for domestic abuse when she started to date him (3 months after we went our seperate ways). She also did not have kids and was turning up with him (albeit several months later) to collect kid, she was at sports days, took my 1 out of 2 places for parents evenings (alongside him taking the 2nd place) and was at school shows etc. All her family became gran & granda, aunties, uncles & new cousins. She apparently couldn't understand "why we couldn't get on" whilst I had (and still have) and injunction on him. I was also expected to disappear as she was "a great mum" to my kid. I was labelled jealous and obsessed because I would point out the obvious of what was happening (trying to replace me as Mum) and years later I was completely alienated out of my kids life where they were asking kid to call her mum, putting down on documents that she was biological mum, I was removed as a main contact at school and wife was put in my place etc. Fast forward, kid (teenager) is now back with me and currently chooses to have no contact with either of them.

I suspect it may go the same way with your friend giving the similarties. I would cut her off. Wouldn't want to be friends with someone so awful.

Very wise.

I met someone like this through my daughter's school. She showed an astonishing lack of self-awareness, complaining about the fact her boyfriend's wife and his existing children didn't like her (after she fell pregnant while he was still married to and very much with his wife 😅). She also tried to play happy families and make out she was better than the wife.

I didn't know any of this until I was a first at her house with a bunch of other people (she openly started talking about it after a drink or two for some reason) so I wasn't openly rude but I thought she was absolutely batshit and awful and began avoiding her from then on. I don't expect I was alone! Tell your friend if she finds herself silently and inexplicably snubbed over the years, this may be why!

Thank you. I didn’t! It was spectacularly embarrassing in front of all the nursery friends and their parents who knew us through the divorce and then all the new friends and their families from the new school.
Although I had one very direct friend refuse to let her in to the room where the birthday cake and lunch was. So my ex stood outside with her while we all sang happy birthday.

I couldn’t stay friends with someone like this. She almost seems like she’s getting a thrill out of “stealing” this woman’s husband. Yes, I know that nobody can be stolen - hence the air quotes, but in her mind she’s thinking she’s won somehow.

I would end my friendship with her and would be telling her exactly why.