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AIBU?

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AIBU to feel uneasy about mothers leaving successful careers?

555 replies

Toodledootwo · 22/08/2026 02:08

All my friends are quitting their successful career jobs after having children. They all seem to be throwing their hands in the air saying what’s the point. Is there a revolt happening against women working? It seems we were encouraged to get to work and be independent….but when becoming a mother….still be that mother, still be that provider till burn out?

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 29/08/2026 10:23

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 27/08/2026 11:08

@Coldwetlettuce When men work all hours, they don’t always bond well as well as the hands on dad working shorter hours but that doesn’t mean they don’t love dc. They just are not the primary carer. When babies are little some mums simply don’t want paid help to do everything, so give up work, and some men don’t see a lot of dc. It’s a different relationship for a couple of years but it’s not necessarily bad.

These men with high earnings often don’t want 50:50 with dc. They don’t have the time. They might just put dc into nursery full time or hire a nanny. They won’t be doing much hands on and many prefer a few nights on a regular basis and some of the holidays.

Women do totally get burnt out doing a full time job earning £150,000 and having a family. They often do struggle. They are likely to get 50% of the marital assets (starting point) upon divorce and with a high earning spouse, that’s probably ok. They can then find decent enough work because they are not stupid. But they don’t want the commute to London and the long hours. It’s taking a pragmatic view.

Cobblers.

My DH has a job that requires, at times, working all hours. He bonded absolutely with our children. He got up with them at night. He did nursery pick-ups, starting work again at home once they were asleep. He does school drop-offs, pick-ups etc.

Your expectations of your husband and men generally are too low.

LittleBearPad · 29/08/2026 10:25

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 27/08/2026 15:18

@MickyMoonshine You have obviously never run a company or needed to make sure there’s work for 100 people. Or have you ever worked for a city lawyer or finance company? Choice! It’s not possible! That’s also why the women bail out. Plus the trips abroad etc. Very high earners don’t get a choice, other than to quit.

Or have you ever worked for a city lawyer or finance company?

City lawyer - DH
Finance company - me.

JuliettaCaeser · 29/08/2026 10:31

My old job was incompatible with being or parent or having a life frankly. Worked all the time! Sod that wasn’t going to have a baby I never got to see! And if I let the feminist side down so be it. Self employed now and earn what I used to anyway so glad I binned it off.

ThankYouNigel · 29/08/2026 12:08

LittleBearPad · 29/08/2026 10:06

And no mortgage because you’ve paid it off! Be a bit self aware!

Read the entire thing properly.

When I resigned 8 years ago we had NOT paid our mortgage off. That has been a very recent development after a family member’s death. We would have carried on without that paying it, as we had for the 7 years prior to this year.

I obviously wouldn’t have resigned if my DH couldn’t comfortably cover our mortgage.

What probably made more of a difference was that we bought our home 7 years before I resigned, so our monthly cost had reduced at the same time as DH’s teacher salary increased to what it initially took both of us earning. We also chose to stay in our first home rather than move, like the majority of our friends.

It absolutely can be done, which I am bored of discussing now.

Givemeabreakdagdammit · 29/08/2026 12:49

I work full time on compressed hours. I would have never given up my career after children and I'm especially glad I didn't as I am the sole provider for my children now

I will advise my daughter and my son to always maintain financial independence as so many of my friends and acquaintances (who are all women btw) have been fucked over by their amazing, wonderful husbands and partners. You never know what life will throw at you, either both of you take the hit or none of you.

It terrifies me that rather than adapt the workforce to be more flexible women are giving up their careers, we are moving backwards.

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