AIBU to feel uneasy about mothers leaving successful careers?

High interest rate? What high interest rate? It's about 4% isn't it.

Compared to the 7.5% on my first 2 properties

But it is patronising to suggest people haven’t thought of this already.
You talk like you’re the only one who has thought of this and that people are struggling financially because they’re too stupid to budget effectively.

No, just true. You yourself said you should be able to challenge things without people getting defensive. There are loads of things you can stop spending money on that you then realise are not essential to a happy life.

Before I resigned, I treated myself to nails and eyelashes every few weeks, 3 holidays abroad every year. Did I really need or have I missed that stuff? No. Others might miss it, but then yes, you will need 2 incomes to keep sustaining it. Up to the individual.

How patronising.

No, it just gets more expensive.
The cost of attending a few kids parties and a cheap present is nothing compared to the cost of a teenager.

The cost of living is horrific for all now, that’s for sure, but lots of things people consider essentials are really luxuries.

Its silly quibbling as that poster clearly manages happily, but another poster might not just due to higher remortgage payments based on area or the time of first purchase allowing for bigger deposits so smaller mortgages.

This poster feels not upgrading from 3 bed made a difference but I woukd say that many people the 3 bed is the upgrade! My brother is 12 years younger than me and could only get a 2 bed in our area and it was £85k more than i paid for a 3 bed. So his mortgage payments are bigger on a smaller place. So I can afford things eaay he cant. Just luck. I dont think my circumstances represent a universal truth and nor do his.

i would say somone on 35k might have student loans to pay off and should make a pension contribution so take home is actually 2200 in that instance.

I don’t doubt it gets more expensive in some ways, but I would guess other costs come down, eg less frequent birthday parties to buy gifts for, smaller parties to pay for and host, swimming lessons ticked off, etc. Likewise when they were babies there were different costs there which have now stopped (specialist equipment, nappies, baby classes, etc). I think the costs are constant, but different, and not all at the same time.

We prioritise our children, so as the adults we have things of our own we’d stop paying for if need be (eg certain TV packages, gym membership, etc. I would switch to swimming at a cheaper public pool or my husband would exercise outdoors if our kids need more school uniform, for example). No biggie.

Just because you found it easy ( partly because you’re not paying a mortgage with a high interest rate like most people currently are) can’t you understand that your situation is unusual.
Most families can’t live off that salary through no fault of their own.

Are your kids at secondary school? The uniform gets more expensive when they leave primary. All local schools need blazers, jumpers and PE kit all branded.
My DS has grown over a foot in 9 months and has moved up 3 shoes sizes in the same time. That’s 3 new pairs of school shoes, school trainers, normal trainers, football boots, cricket shoes… all now adult sizes so £100’s.

He eats a lot and needs food that will fuel him playing sports everyday. He’s only 12 so we’ve got years of feeding and clothing a growing boy/young man.

It gets more expensive as they get older.

So for 6 years prior to paying our house off we did everything stated on my husband’s teacher salary alone. We were able to do this because we stayed in our first home and didn’t move and take on a bigger mortgage. We could have continued comfortable as we were without recently inheriting, or I would not have left my job in the first place.

My husband is now saving the money we previously allocated to our mortgage for our children’s future house deposits/university, that is not used for monthly expenses, as we were always able to cover those anyway. We are hugely into saving, always have been.

I find it funny how people can’t believe we could afford to have a SAHP on £35-40K a year- we have found it easy!

But your current situation doesn’t include mortgage repayments so you’re being a little disingenuous suggesting it’s easy for a family of 4 to live off £35k with kids doing multiple extra curricular and an annual holiday.
Most people with young families are paying a mortgage and rent.
We’ve just come off a 7 year fixed mortgage which was 1.79%. The lowest we could get was 4.8%. That’s a huge jump.
We also have reward bank accounts. What you’re suggesting are things every normal family already does. But you don’t seem to want to acknowledge that the cost of living has increased dramatically in the last few years.

School uniform- I buy most bits at ASDA, and only 2 each of the branded polo shirts and jumpers (which are expensive) for each child. 1 on the go, 1 in the wash. I do fast 15 min washes most days, they dry quickly and don’t need ironing. Most schools do also offer nearly new sales, or they should be.

Yes, it did include mortgage repayments for many years, now paid off. We always paid to lock into 5 year deals with much lower repayments and fixed interest rates. These have admittedly got worse in recent years.

We switched all bank accounts to reward ones- I’d highly recommend this. We make hundreds per year of basically free money on direct debits we need to pay anyway and purchases we need to pay anyway which covers holidays and treats.

Yes- we cook dinners using chicken, prawns, basa fillets (lovely cheaper alternative to smoked haddock), beef/pork mince for spag Bol, etc. Non-brand every product including cleaning products, toiletries, etc. They work just as well- ALDI suncreams are fab!

Does your budget include mortgage repayments?
Not everyone can live close to work and commuting costs can be significant.
£80 a week for a family of 4? Does that include meat? I shop at Aldi and can just about get a shop for 3 of us for £80 and only 2 of us eat meat.
School and sports uniform costs can be expensive especially when they get up secondary school. My DS is in adult shoe sizes so shoes/trainers/football boots etc are costly and need to be replaced as he grows.

You seem to be suggesting that you can live on a low income if you just cut back on frivolous things like paying to get your car washed but your day to day costs seem to be way out of date. Essentials have increased massively recently.

You can live near where you work/go to school. A food shop for 4 is achievable from ALDI for £80 per week if you know how to budget, cook and not waste food. Our children do two paid extra-curricular activities and we have a holiday every year. You can find hairdressers who come to the house for very cheap. ASDA sell perfectly good children’s clothes. You can wash your own car, teach your self how to paint and decorate and do basic DIY tasks yourself. It’s perfectly doable.

As long as they are not leaving themselves financially vulnerable then it’s up to them of course. My observation though just in mumsnet is so many women are doing exactly that unfortunately, get divorced, no job, no way to drive a decent income and the pension is in the toilet. I’ve been a lone parent with a full on career for many years, yes it’s hard but I would rather that than the alternative.

Problem with women giving up their jobs when they have children is, they dont stay children for long. When they are adults and have all left home, you have nothing but lots of spare time on your hands, and difficulty getting a job. A friend of mind is having this issue, her daughter has moved away with her children and my friend is depressed, she has nothing left, no job and no money of her own. I cringe when women have left perfectly good jobs to become a sahm.

The average FTB has £1k mortgage monthly payments. £35k with no pension contributions is £2.4k. A family of 4 is not easily living on the remaining £1.4k to include all bills, food, commuting costs - you wouldn’t manage savings for if your car breaks down or you need to replace the boiler, no clubs or music lessons for children, no holidays. That’s why that salary typically attracts UC payments in excess of £1k per month when renting.

It’s nonsense to pretend that it is achievable for young parents now and that they are just making a choice to work. It’s the same as the assumption that if young people gave up avocados they’d be able to save for a mortgage deposit.

Everyone has different start point so some people can be a sahp with much lower income than others just due to timing of purchases or by delaying chikdren to pay off more mortgage or saving up longer.

The person is indeed living off the salary but very often has above average capital behind them for one reason or another.

Does that include mortgage repayments?

We’ve spent the last 7 years in a 3 bedroom house in the SE with my DH earning £35-40K as a teacher with no financial issues or benefits.

Supported by benefits though, it’s disingenuous to suggest otherwise. A couple with two young children renting a house on £35k salary would get over £1k a month in universal credit.

Our mortgage on our starter home, a three bed semi in the West Midlands is £1,500 a month. A single £35k salary isn’t going anywhere for a family living in an ordinary house with a mortgage.

@lazymaw Who expects this of men? My DH was not a great dad and wasn’t hands on at all. He did improve but I found work and a baby really hard. I gave up after dd2. I had a decent job in local government, but I could not do it all. DH ran a business and earned a lot so I looked after dc. He took an interest but not an intense one. It was not worth going to war over.

I've put YABU because I was pushed out of my successful career in the NHS because, as much as they talk a good talk around 'flexible working' and family friendly policies, it's actually a load of shite. I desperately wanted to stay in the job, I just wanted them to consider cutting my hours from 37.5 to 30 but apparently that was unreasonable.