Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?

438 replies

Peedoffdoesntcutit · 21/08/2026 19:59

To be pissed off with my husband. I said how upset I am that the child abuse and rape leaflet from the government is judged as necessary and we are continuing to let these men into our country who pose a threat to women. He just shrugged - I said doesn’t it bother you these men are coming into our society. We have daughters , I am a woman. I absolutely do not feel safe anymore where we live and would not walk on my own anymore. He said no not really. Absolutely furious with him. Does he not have to care as he’s a big tall man? I’m so pissed off, I’ve walked off and he’s given me the ick.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
ukgone2pot · 22/08/2026 17:35

As a survivor myself, I would love to see the death penalty reintroduced for killers and rapists.

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 17:35

BasildonBonds · 22/08/2026 17:16

You call rape "lad culture" when it involves Army men? OK. That tells me all I need to know.

Ha! Again, nice try. I said there is an issue with ‘lad culture’ in those places. Thats factually correct, and ‘lad culture’ is shown to increase things like sexual assault and rape.

What else are you trying to infer exactly? At what point did I say it was okay? At what point did I say ‘lad culture’ was rape?

Jeez, you’re clutching those straws to death! 😂

IsEveryUserNameBloodyTaken · 22/08/2026 17:29

This just happened this morning in Stowmarket.
Do you think they should print some more leaflets “Don’t punch elderly women in the face”

AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?
BasildonBonds · 22/08/2026 17:16

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 17:05

Well, that makes perfect sense too. There is a known issue with ‘lad culture’ in those places. Just like there’s a known issue with the threat that undocumented migrants from small boats pose to women. The thing is, one of them is being imported at alarming rates (and has worse views of women, not just around consent) …

You call rape "lad culture" when it involves Army men? OK. That tells me all I need to know.

igelkott2026 · 22/08/2026 17:08

Anyway, getting off the whole racist thing (no it isn't racist to worry about sexist men from other cultures coming here illegally) yes, men should try a bit harder to realise what it's like for women.

And one Afghan toerag raped an elderly man too, so it's not even just women they are targeting.

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 17:05

BasildonBonds · 22/08/2026 16:58

No need for personal insults. I haven't insulted you in any way.

Eta: the posters were displayed in army barracks and training centres, not on the back of toilet doors in nightclubs.

Edited

Well, that makes perfect sense too. There is a known issue with ‘lad culture’ in those places. Just like there’s a known issue with the threat that undocumented migrants from small boats pose to women. The thing is, one of them is being imported at alarming rates (and has worse views of women, not just around consent) …

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 17:03

MintChocCat · 22/08/2026 12:15

They’re not just coming from Afghanistan you know. so why keep comparing the UK to Afghanistan, genuinely would like to know your rationale on this?

I’m shocked at people on this thread, like, don’t any of you do any research before forming your views? Or do they just sound nice, soft and fluffy in your head.

Boat crossings account for 90% of illegal migration to the UK. The top 5 nationalities for these crossings are Eritrean, Afghan, Sudanese, Iranian, and Somali.

Now, do yourself a favour and go have a look at how women are treated from those countries. Then come back and try and explain how it’s just the same as the UK 🙄 ….

BasildonBonds · 22/08/2026 16:58

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 16:56

A series of posters, of which ONE would be put up, usually on the back of toilet doors in nightclubs.

Of course it’s concerning, no one is saying it isn’t. But do you know what’s more concerning? Gangs of young undocumented men (about 40,000 last year) who come from cultures where consent doesn’t exist at all, and where women have 0 rights.

Use your critical thinking skills, or at least try really hard to squeeze something out of your brain cells.

No need for personal insults. I haven't insulted you in any way.

Eta: the posters were displayed in army barracks and training centres, not on the back of toilet doors in nightclubs.

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 16:56

BasildonBonds · 22/08/2026 16:39

It is not one poster, it is a series of posters. Don't you think it is concerning that men who are supposed to be protecting the population have to be reminded not to rape?

A series of posters, of which ONE would be put up, usually on the back of toilet doors in nightclubs.

Of course it’s concerning, no one is saying it isn’t. But do you know what’s more concerning? Gangs of young undocumented men (about 40,000 last year) who come from cultures where consent doesn’t exist at all, and where women have 0 rights.

Use your critical thinking skills, or at least try really hard to squeeze something out of your brain cells.

Cheese55 · 22/08/2026 16:50

Mum2Fergus · 22/08/2026 16:16

There are people born and bred in the UK that apparently are not aware that these things are not acceptable either.

UK men do know but choose to ignore it, it's not the same as never having lived somewhere where women have rights.

BasildonBonds · 22/08/2026 16:39

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 16:33

It’s false equivalence. The campaign you’re showing is one poster, that is reminding men about consent, particularly aimed at men on nights out where explicit consent hasn’t been given. It’s a reminder campaign, not a detailed explainer or 9 page booklet, because it doesn’t need to be.

The leaflet in question is a 9 page booklet that has to go into great detail that they:

  • Shouldn’t follow people or block their path repeatedly
  • That women in the UK have equal rights to men, and do not need the permission from a husband, father, brother or any other man to do things like work or study.
  • That women are allowed to travel freely and make decisions for themselves
  • That they shouldn’t have sex with someone under the age of 16.
  • They can’t verbally abuse someone because of their gender, religion, or how they look.

I could go on, but surely you’re not silly enough to need me to. It’s not the same, is it? But nice try!

It is not one poster, it is a series of posters. Don't you think it is concerning that men who are supposed to be protecting the population have to be reminded not to rape?

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 16:33

BasildonBonds · 22/08/2026 16:02

What is your view of this campaign from 2015? Why do you think it was produced?

It’s false equivalence. The campaign you’re showing is one poster, that is reminding men about consent, particularly aimed at men on nights out where explicit consent hasn’t been given. It’s a reminder campaign, not a detailed explainer or 9 page booklet, because it doesn’t need to be.

The leaflet in question is a 9 page booklet that has to go into great detail that they:

  • Shouldn’t follow people or block their path repeatedly
  • That women in the UK have equal rights to men, and do not need the permission from a husband, father, brother or any other man to do things like work or study.
  • That women are allowed to travel freely and make decisions for themselves
  • That they shouldn’t have sex with someone under the age of 16.
  • They can’t verbally abuse someone because of their gender, religion, or how they look.

I could go on, but surely you’re not silly enough to need me to. It’s not the same, is it? But nice try!

Mum2Fergus · 22/08/2026 16:16

There are people born and bred in the UK that apparently are not aware that these things are not acceptable either.

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 16:14

Limehawkmoth · 22/08/2026 14:17

Er no…I grew up in 1970/80 and no woman or young girl walked around on her own in dodgy places like parks or anywhere after dark
level of “stranger” attacks on women is relatively unchanged. In fact all statistics, inc ONS show that rates in that era were higher than now, and peaked during early 1990s, dropping since then . It is reporting and social media reports , that’s increased. Especially reports wanting to drum up the myth that women are massively more unsafe today because of all these “immigrant” men

Yes, rape generally (not just stranger) reporting statistics have increased, but believe you me no women wanted to go to police and report rape in 1980s or before…no female dedicated teams, no rape specialist, no understanding of abuse cycles, and one shit full of misogynistic re traumatising male bullies. think it’s bad now? It was hell then. Police have done a lot to improve. A lot of that increase in rape is from known men/partners/ex partners, including husbands, marital rape wasn’t even made illegal until 1990s. Remember that.

another reminder, it is not men from certain ethnic group that has low standards of consent or violence. Or senses of sexual entitlement. It is all men potentially
and always has been. Heres my reasoning on that one:

in my day it was Yorkshire ripper- attack in my town. White .

in my day I regularly had my bottom pinched by a man my parents trusted to give me and my brothers lifts. My brothers knew and laughed. I didn’t realise it was abuse until 30 years later. I was 8/9 . White male

in my day I got white van men learning out windows making comments re size of my “tits”. I was in my school uniform aged 11. White men

in my day I sat on bus when random man wanked off next to me. I was 16. school uniform . White male.

And every bloody man that has sexual harnessed or abused me in 63 of my life has been white. And yes I’ve lived in ethicnically diverse cities, especially when younger.

there are roughly 72000 men on seX register. Those are just ones that made it to trial, and found guilty. 80% of those are white. Btw just seen 729 of those have recently gone “missing” apparently.

The NCA believes that somewhere between 0.5 and 1.8 MILLION men in uk are looking at illegal child abuse pornography on line. Most will never be found or charged.

over 200,000 men were charged with sexual abuse last year. In one year. But that’s “only” a marginal upward trend becuase of more types of abuse becoming illegal . It’s estimated 80% ish of those are white males. Which oddly is in excesss of the % of white males in overall male Population of uk. Which is a bit odd isn’t it, if your reasoning is correct. Seems like white men are over represented.

i am hoping your husband sees that bigger picture, that men generally are the issue: it aint restricted to one culture, one religion, one moral code, or one skin colour. If he doesn’t, yep, be angry, but that is more about his failure to accept the issue is men universally - and still holds to the “not all men” to opt out of any responsibility

my solution to your dilemma around women’s safety from stranger abuse, is a curfew on men. That’d work. But all men- not just the ethnically diverse ones. 🤷‍♀️ but it’s easier to tell and expect women to self curfew as you are doing. And we all mostly have during our lives. That appears to have always been perfectly acceptable and encouraged, by our parents, by our teachers, by the police and by society.

Your argument isn’t relevant to OP’s point, and it’s also inaccurate. The point isn’t that white, British men don’t commit crime …. The point is that undocumented immigration from countries that have horrific cultural beliefs about women, increases the risk to women in the UK.

(and when I say horrific - I mean horrific! When was the last time you saw a legal public stoning, hanging or rape of a woman in the UK?)

Here are some actual facts for everyone:

  • Small boat crossings and illeagal migration started to climb on a major level in 2015/16.
  • For the same period (after remaining relatively flat since 2002) rape and sexual offences also began to grow in the UK from 2015/16.
  • Total small boat arrivals skyrocketed from 8,400 in 2020, to over 28,500 in 2021 … guess what else reached an all time high in 2021? Between April and June 2021, police recorded 17,285 rape offenses—the highest single quarterly figure documented up to that point.

You really don’t need to look very hard to see the undeniable fact that importing undocumented, young men from backgrounds that despise women (many of whom have criminal backgrounds, and have committed crimes to get here) - leads to a greater risk to women’s safety.

I mean, just a few brain cells would allow you to realise it!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BasildonBonds · 22/08/2026 16:02

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 15:47

This is so wild 😂 They’ve produced it because the culture and beliefs of these people means they DO NOT KNOW ITS ILLEGAL TO RAPE, ABUSE AND DOMINATE WOMEN! It’s specifically why they need to be told it is - and do you really believe a little 9 people leaflet will erase decades of their cultural beliefs! This country has seriously lost its mind!

What is your view of this campaign from 2015? Why do you think it was produced?

Sensitive content
AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?
AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?
AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?
AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?
AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?
dizzydizzydizzy · 22/08/2026 16:00

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 15:47

This is so wild 😂 They’ve produced it because the culture and beliefs of these people means they DO NOT KNOW ITS ILLEGAL TO RAPE, ABUSE AND DOMINATE WOMEN! It’s specifically why they need to be told it is - and do you really believe a little 9 people leaflet will erase decades of their cultural beliefs! This country has seriously lost its mind!

I was not telling you my beliefs. I was telling you why I think the government has decided to produce the leaflet. You are leaping to all sorts of assumptions about what I am thinking (all of which are incorrect). I have not said anything about how effective I think the leaflet would be or whether or not I think it is a good idea.

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 15:47

dizzydizzydizzy · 22/08/2026 15:17

I would imagine the government has produced the leaflet to inform migrants of the laws in this country. Also to help reassure the population that they are taking peoples’ fears about possible criminality seriously.

This is so wild 😂 They’ve produced it because the culture and beliefs of these people means they DO NOT KNOW ITS ILLEGAL TO RAPE, ABUSE AND DOMINATE WOMEN! It’s specifically why they need to be told it is - and do you really believe a little 9 people leaflet will erase decades of their cultural beliefs! This country has seriously lost its mind!

WorkHardPlay · 22/08/2026 15:45

Maddy70 · 22/08/2026 14:36

The biggest risk to your family is your own relatives. The leaflets is a good idea to remind different cultures that in the UK consent is treated seriously. There is a big issue within some Irish communities too and it's good that the government are telling all immigrants about our laws. The consent issue is extensively talked about in schools too personally I believe these leaflets should be given out at the tommy Robinson rallys as they have a disproportionate amount of women abuser. Everyone should treat consent seriously and the more Information given to all people the better.
This has just been picked up by the right wing to further develop hate, gear and division

By Irish, do you mean ‘travellers’? Because you do realise you’re actually so ill informed that your post itself is offensive. ‘Irish travellers’ are their own ethnic group and culture. I’m Irish, I’m not an ‘Irish traveller’.

Owninterpreter · 22/08/2026 15:33

Id imagine the government are producing the leaflet mainly to say they have dine something because its something people are worried about.

I doubt they particularly believe it will change behaviour.

dizzydizzydizzy · 22/08/2026 15:17

MaturingCheeseball · 22/08/2026 10:23

Eh? Why did they produce it, then? Why are they giving it to a particular group of men?

Are you one of the posters saying it is a needless waste of paper (and multiple translations) because it is quite unnecessary; these men present no danger.

I would imagine the government has produced the leaflet to inform migrants of the laws in this country. Also to help reassure the population that they are taking peoples’ fears about possible criminality seriously.

FillTheGoldenCupWithRoses · 22/08/2026 15:12

Cheese55 · 22/08/2026 15:08

Rose did not have sex with her father, she was systematically raped by him from a young age.

Yes from a young age and when she was an adult she continued. You could say it was still rape due to the grooming during childhood I agree, perhaps a mistake in terminology. However I don’t particularly have much sympathy for who she turned out to be. She engaged in intercourse with her father as an adult woman and incestuously sexually abused her own children as an adult too.

Cheese55 · 22/08/2026 15:08

FillTheGoldenCupWithRoses · 22/08/2026 14:55

Yes and it was fairly well known that Rose was a prostitute who had sex with her father in certain circles (from the sources I’ve read).

Edited

Rose did not have sex with her father, she was systematically raped by him from a young age.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 22/08/2026 15:00

halfpastten · 22/08/2026 05:25

There is no question that we are seeing a significant increase in street rapes of young girls in particular, but also older women and men. This is why the government have panicked and issued leaflets. Of course most rape and VAW is from people you know. The change/increase is in stranger danger. And that has a chilling effect on our freedom, the freedom of our daughters.

In the BBC podcast series about people smugglers, many of the asylum seekers were upfront that they were coming to the UK because they had criminal records and could destroy their documents. They talked openly about rape as a right.

This situation should concern us all.

In the BBC podcast series about people smugglers, many of the asylum seekers were upfront that they were coming to the UK because they had criminal records and could destroy their documents. They talked openly about rape as a right.

I hadn’t heard of that and didn’t know about the BBC podcast. It’s horrific. How has this not produced more of an outcry among the many supposed liberals over here?

FillTheGoldenCupWithRoses · 22/08/2026 14:55

OneHangryGoldDeer · 22/08/2026 14:53

There were hordes of people who came out after Fred West arrest saying 'that bloke was a weird, fantasist pervert'. Pretty much everyone that had spent time with him in fact.

This wasn't one of those serial killers where people said 'oh he seemed nice but quiet'. People had been ringing alarm bells all over Gloucester and beyond for years about Fred AND Rose and the depraved things happening in their house even without knowing he was a murderer.

Fred was in court for raping his 13 year old sister when he was 19 in the 1960s.

And he and Rose in court for SA in the 70s.

All their minor children were taken into care 2 years before his arrest. Because of CSA and physical abuse. He wasn't even the Dad to 3 of them. The criminal charges collapsed in court but the DC weren't returned.

It was the kids talking about Heather being buried under the patio that was the catalyst to the murder investigation.

He stood out and was an anomaly.

Even Peter Sutcliffe, of whom, a lot of people said 'no way is he the ripper' when he was arrested as he WAS quiet and presented himself as a normal person had been flagged up to the Police investigation by friends of his.

But Fred? There was some surprise he was a serial killer who'd got away with it for so long as he was roundly known as a simpleton pervert who wouldn't have the intelligence to pull it off but literally no-one was surprised he'd be capable of depraved sex murders.

Yes and it was fairly well known that Rose was a prostitute who had sex with her father in certain circles (from the sources I’ve read).

Swipe left for the next trending thread