AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?

Women minimising fellow women's worries about men. There's always something quite sinister about it. Sad, apologetic and appeasing but really quite frightening.

Yeah she must be racist. The stock answer to everything you don't agree with.

The UK is definitely patriarchal for all the reasons you mention and more; however, claiming that we are “just as patriarchal and abusive” as places like Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia or Iran is actually really fucking offensive to women who live in countries where:

• Women are routinely stoned to death for supposed adultery or being gay;
• Women are beaten, imprisoned, raped or killed for wearing the “wrong” clothing;
• FGM is routinely perpetrated against little girls as a cultural norm;
• Little girls are married to grown men before they reach puberty;
• So-called “honour” killings are routine and culturally tolerated;
• Girls are denied an education.

I’m a left-wing, pro-immigration feminist and I agree the UK is far from perfect, but your comment is manifestly ridiculous. I’m actually from a Middle Eastern country and there’s a damn good reason my parents moved us here.

But no one suggested that. They did suggest that the UK has a culture where women are legally protected (whether or not people choose to follow those laws) - and it is clear in comparison by Country, and comparison of per capita data, that yes - our culture is far safer for women in comparison.

Would I feel more unsafe if there was a group of undocumented Afghan men waiting outside a nightclub vs a group of British men … yes, and the statistics show why.

@blossomsnow OP has explained very clearly that she is from another country, which means it is possible that English is not her first language

Isn’t that what your very rude post was getting at?

This is all just pretend

No one has read the OP posts and they just pretend that they are… actually I don’t even know what you’re pretending. No respect for women, no respect …. Just pretending that they are somehow better than people worried about their daughters and showing a lot of ignorance

and now someone has arrived to talk about Nigel Farage this is ridiculous
Safety of women and girls will not get any better while women are undermining it

Because your husband is not as outraged as you are about this particular issue (and the discussion here shows that it’s not clear cut), you claim that he is “unconcerned about women’s safety”.

Here’s the problem with our current political discourse. Trump and his minions do this, Farage does this, and Badenoch to some extent. But also the wokey people do this: trans-rights activists and their ilk. If you have a nuanced view, judge scenarios separately, make your own decisions which don’t always fall in line with dogma, your views are traduced.

Do you really think that your husband is unconcerned about women’s safety? Or are you just really bad at coping when not everyone agrees with everything you say?

Where does op say English isn't their first language?

I was implying it their posts look quite AI /bot like

If you read my posts you would see I am concerned about the immigration

But it is racist agitation to make out women used to be able to skip off happily to nightclubs on their own. That's utter bollocks. It's always been dangerous to be a woman out at night.

I am happy to have a sensible conversation about the issue but not to have people painting some ridiculous fake history of what life was like for women.

It leaves her being entitled to be worried about what SHE chooses to.

Nothing surprises me about them anymore. It's just insults and telling fellow women that white men are more of a danger to them. Pathetic.

This isn’t stupidity it’s downright deliberate rudeness

Yet they call others thick!

These post on horrified

If I said I was helping/donating money to the charities who are trying to get improvements to women’s rights in certain countries, would the same posters be angry with me? Say that I have no right to try and change a culture to get women better rights?

@blossomsnow ”There's something quite strange about your writing style op. Is human English not your first language?”

That’s how you talk to someone who you think might have English as a second language? Bearing in mind that means they speak at least two languages? I don’t know how many languages you speak. Did you learn manners in any of them?

The moronic inability to understand per capita in this thread is off the scale.

Genuinely if you truly believe your husband doesn't care at all about women being raped and doesn't care about your safety you should leave him. But it does seem more likely that he disagrees with you and you are interpreting his disagreement as a moral failure. The way you framed pushback from some people on this thread suggests this.

But... You yourself accuse your husband of not caring about women's safety. Does he not care about womens safety because he is black and an immigrant? Does he not care because he is a high rate tax payer? Does he not care about it because he is a man? Is it a cultural thing or is it a him thing?
Or does he care on a value level but see the facts slightly differently to you and this has caused him to come to a different conclusion re the significance of the leaflet. That is quite common when people disagree, I don't think emotive "anyone who disagrees with me on this issue doesn't care about that terrible thing happening" helps.
I don't know you or your husband. But it is odd that you are at pains to talk about how you and your husband are black immigrants but that you have "good" cultural attitudes but also castigate your husband for having a bad attitude compared to yourself. Not only your husband but anyone on this thread with a different opinion not only doesnt care at all about rape but thinks you can't complain about it. If that were true it would mean Britain has an appalling attitude to rape rather than being a safer place. Or is it not more likely most people including your husband and people on this thread dislike rape but disagree on how best to prevent it?

Explain which part of concern around large numbers of undocumented men from cultures where it’s legal to rape and abuse women is racist? Where these men are needing to be given 9 page leaflets to learn that it’s not okay to rape women here - and where per capita, they are more likely to rape women that UK-born men. Which bit do you think is racism?

Or is it just a nice scary word you can throw around, without understanding it, because it usually makes people shut up, and you can feel superior?

The telegraph is just the daily mail with a few three syllable words and the odd picture of a horsey woman in a wax cotton jacket thrown in. It's just churning out reactionary froth.

I think we do have a serious problem with not vetting immigrants and it's sobering to see how many criminal cases near us are violent crimes but recent immigrants. But I think it needs government action to address it not racist agitation . I don't want to lose or distress all the amazing law abiding people from all over the world who have made their homes here

Ironically, ‘controlling people’s thinking’ is one of the things the leaflet has to address with asylum seekers. It literally has to explain that women don’t need permission from men to make decisions in the UK - I wonder if you’ll still stand by your ‘one of the worst things in the world’ statement, now you know that it’s something that a huge proportion of asylum seekers think is okay?

There's something quite strange about your writing style op. Is human English not your first language?

I agree there needs to be a sensible rational conversation about this. I would like to see Andy Burnham stop dishing out free bus fares like we are two year olds he needs to placate and start addressing real thorny issues.

But

It was never safe for women to go out to night clubs on their own. That world never existed. I loved to dance but knew that going out as a young woman meant almost inevitably being groped and preyed on by much older men

And we might not have a culture of such overt rape and violence against women but it's triggered me that a purported health professional is acting like this is not a leaflet that could do with being sent to every middle class British man. The outward veneer of respectability runs pretty thin. My rapist was the kind of "lovely guy" everyone thinks wouldn't hurt a fly.

So yeah, we need a conversation about the criminality pouring into our country at the moment. But they are so far from the only risk to women.

It’s wild how stupid people are. How about, stop rape in Britain, which will be helped by not importing people who culturally think it’s okay to rape. You’ve basically answered your own question! Congrats!

No

It’s try to address the problems we already have instead of making them worse

But you know this…

You wanted to have a tantrum so you had one, your husband is entitled to his opinion and one of the worst things society is trying to do is control others thinking so congratulations you have added to that

So put up with the British rape because the Indian rape is worse?