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AIBU?

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AIBU to feel worn down by DH's constant moaning?

214 replies

Theendisinsight88 · 21/08/2026 18:50

Another day another argument with DH

To put into context, coming to the end of school holidays, it's been hard. DC are 5 and 10. I've done the bulk of childcare or sorted out clubs, babysitting etc and a combination of wfh where possible etc. But its been a long few weeks. Dh has done 1 day at home so I coukd go into the office and even then complained it's been hard

Today's argument started because I was Wfh but had to drop eldest dc off at an activity between calls. Did a quick lunch kids too plates out, but I didn't notice some crumbs were on a chair that they didn't tidy up. Got back and had to rush on a call, so dh came home and threw a strop that there were crumbs there. Asked why I didn't get the kids to tidy up properly before we went out. Explained they took plates and bowls out but that's not good enough

Later on dh was partially napping on the sofa, but was awake as he'd asked me the time 3 times. So knew he was awake. I then dropped something which made a noise while tidying up and he had a go at me for making noise while he napped

Then moaned at me because this morning because I forgot to tell him I was having a shower this morning (I often shower at night) and then he moaned about the wasted effort he had just done on cleaning the shower ( wiping the screen down)

I am probably over thinking this as it's been a long few weeks, my job is demanding and I've not had 2 seconds to myself in 5 weeks (dh been away/out most weekends as well) and I'm exhausted but the constant moaning is killing me

OP posts:
CamillaMcCauley · 21/08/2026 19:10

Again, he sounds like a controlling asshole. I’d be having sharp words with someone who expected me to be the household skivvy and for kids to fend for themselves. What would happen if you set him straight, clearly?

Shatteredallthetimelately · 21/08/2026 19:10

Nothing about what he's said pushes him to being controlling...

But...
You really do need to look him square in in the eye and tell him to give it a rest, have a day off, no raised voice, walk away and carry on doing what you need to do.

He's probably on auto pilot and that's become his norm, needs a darn good finger shake in his face.
Sleeping in communal areas when children or other members of the family are around is a no, send him upstairs where there's a perfectly good bed to sleep on and door to close.

As for the weekends, if he's not going to be of help i'd prefer that he wasn't home, but that's just me.

and apparently a 5 year is full capable of doing it all himself

Yet he can't hold his thoughts in and clear up a few crumbs...

MongoosePerfume · 21/08/2026 19:09

Tomorrow go out for the day. Alone. Maybe even for a night. Leave him to it and then come in, moan about crumbs. Have a nap.

Theendisinsight88 · 21/08/2026 19:06

Apparently it's such an issue because he has mentioned it before but I have also said before I am usually running between calls I don't always notice snd sometimes I go round after I finish and tidy up

I'm also trying do various loads of washing during the day, keep the kids alive but all of that is looked over. I app also do a bad job at all the jobs I do as sometimes the washing pile is higher than it should be or he runs lows on socks and the dishwasher comes out not 100% clean

Should add during term times all the school runs usually fall to me

He works early shifts 630 - 130 but gets up at 545 to get to work, I get up the same time to go for a run and then start the housework

Oh and last night it was an argument as he saw me brushing youngests teeth...and apparently a 5 year is full capable of doing it all himself

OP posts:
Oliwiaa · 21/08/2026 19:05

If my DH complained to me that the kids had left crumbs on a chair I'd think he'd lost the plot.

WeddingDressguest · 21/08/2026 19:03

Shouldn't really be working from home with a 5 year old at home all day. Arranged childcare. Pre covid you'd be at the office five days a week, and you'd have to pay for it.

None of these arguments would have existed, pre covid and working from home.You wouldn't have two parents at home.Working squabbling over who's doing what for the kids. You'd all be at the office and you'd have to pay for child care.

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 21/08/2026 19:02

So you're juggling working and childcare all day and he's complaining about crumbs??

Pearlstillsinging · 21/08/2026 19:00

Who does he think.he is?

Is sweeping up a few crumbs beneath him? He would have caught several sharp words from me over that!

Shouldhavedonesomethingbefore · 21/08/2026 18:59

He is being completely unreasonable and ridiculous. There is no way you need to justify anything around the examples you’ve given. With the crumbs, why didn’t he just tidy up and not say anything??

I’d ask if this is out of the ordinary, but I suspect it’s not. If you both work, you should both share the household/childcare responsibilities.

Raindropskeepfallingon · 21/08/2026 18:57

Why the hell is childcare and crumb management your job and why is a grown man of working age, without a newborn or presumably a night job, having a nap in the middle of a weekday?! Plus he’s constantly away, moody and apparently a control freak.

I’d be seriously questioning why I was with him and what he brought to the relationship.

Gowlett · 21/08/2026 18:56

If he had to do even half the shit you do… Honestly. Can’t even clean a few crumbs!

Naurrr · 21/08/2026 18:56

Why does he leave you all on weekends?
Have you told him to parent his kids and you won't hear one more whinge out of him?
I don't see the point of him.

Softcream · 21/08/2026 18:53

I would have seriously lost my shit with him over the crumbs comment. He doesn't get to leave all the childcare to you and then criticise! Twat.

CamillaMcCauley · 21/08/2026 18:53

He sounds like a controlling asshole. Does he have any good points??