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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel worn down by DH's constant moaning?

214 replies

Theendisinsight88 · 21/08/2026 18:50

Another day another argument with DH

To put into context, coming to the end of school holidays, it's been hard. DC are 5 and 10. I've done the bulk of childcare or sorted out clubs, babysitting etc and a combination of wfh where possible etc. But its been a long few weeks. Dh has done 1 day at home so I coukd go into the office and even then complained it's been hard

Today's argument started because I was Wfh but had to drop eldest dc off at an activity between calls. Did a quick lunch kids too plates out, but I didn't notice some crumbs were on a chair that they didn't tidy up. Got back and had to rush on a call, so dh came home and threw a strop that there were crumbs there. Asked why I didn't get the kids to tidy up properly before we went out. Explained they took plates and bowls out but that's not good enough

Later on dh was partially napping on the sofa, but was awake as he'd asked me the time 3 times. So knew he was awake. I then dropped something which made a noise while tidying up and he had a go at me for making noise while he napped

Then moaned at me because this morning because I forgot to tell him I was having a shower this morning (I often shower at night) and then he moaned about the wasted effort he had just done on cleaning the shower ( wiping the screen down)

I am probably over thinking this as it's been a long few weeks, my job is demanding and I've not had 2 seconds to myself in 5 weeks (dh been away/out most weekends as well) and I'm exhausted but the constant moaning is killing me

OP posts:
Vulturesoverhead · 21/08/2026 20:53

Wow. What is he bringing to the table, well apart from modelling how to be a total cunt to your kids? Really, I’m not joking.

herbetta · 21/08/2026 20:49

Seriously, is this how you want the rest of your life to play out? I don't know how he isn't already under the patio?! I'd go on strike, just do stuff for you and the kids & let him do his own stuff. How does he finish at 1.30 and then not clean & cook etc??

EnergySauce · 21/08/2026 20:47

My former friend had a husband like this, and spent 20 years moaning about him every time we met. I have cut down on the friendship as she became unbearable - resentful, dull, draining, did nothing to change the situation. They had no children. This will erode you if goes on.

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 21/08/2026 20:43

CamillaMcCauley · 21/08/2026 20:18

he asked what i had to be fed up about when I'm lazy and get away it and all i care about is my job

If my partner spoke to me with such undisguised and ungrounded contempt I think I would understand quite clearly that the relationship was over.

Show quote history

Me too…..he is totally resentful of you and fucking rude….he’d be wearing the washing pile up his arse if he was my husband..

Fromthecookiejar · 21/08/2026 20:42

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 21/08/2026 20:11

Thankfully none of that is up to you and OPs boss has been flexible by allowing her to wfh during the school holidays.

Are you coming at this from the 'well, I had to work in an office and pay for childcare, so everyone else should too' school of thought? Surely it's a good thing that some employers now recognise the importance of work/life balance and are willing to offer working parents a bit of flexibility where it's possible.

Also wfh doesn't cause OPs husband to be an abusive PoS.

Show quote history

I'd be interested to know if OP's boss agreed for her to WFH during the holidays so she could do childcare during working hours. I doubt it.

This mindset just annoys me because as a working parent who has the benefit of working from home, I use that to allow me to pick up my children up from wraparound care at 5pm instead of 6pm. I do not attempt to take care of my children during working hours because it's not fair on them, or me, or my employer.

All that being said - OP's husband sounds like a dick.

Gengha · 21/08/2026 20:41

Also stop doing his laundry. I have never done my husbands laundry and now my kids are grown I don’t do theirs either any more. I’m fucked if I was put on this earth to wash a grown man’s pants!!

Gengha · 21/08/2026 20:38

YANBU

tell the miserable git to STFU

Thundertoast · 21/08/2026 20:36

God, he really doesnt like you does he? You're just an annoying appliance to him. Im so sorry OP.

LibbyOTV · 21/08/2026 20:33

Oh my god. This is insane OP! Not doing his bit clearly but then on top of that just criticising and moaning!?
Bad situation! Make a big deal out of this and lay boundaries.

BogRollBOGOF · 21/08/2026 20:25

Shatteredallthetimelately · 21/08/2026 20:20

No, OPer, there's no we were trying to make it work.

You're running yourself into the ground trying to do everything yourself inorder to keep the peace, well, that never ends well especially for the one trying to keep it peaceful, infact unless your DH has a sudden attack of guilt and realises how awful he's behaving and starts sharing the work load it'll never end for you.

Agreed.

There's no "we" going on, just the H vs OP and family.

He's a lazy, selfish bully and they don't get better with time/ age.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 21/08/2026 20:20

No, OPer, there's no we were trying to make it work.

You're running yourself into the ground trying to do everything yourself inorder to keep the peace, well, that never ends well especially for the one trying to keep it peaceful, infact unless your DH has a sudden attack of guilt and realises how awful he's behaving and starts sharing the work load it'll never end for you.

CamillaMcCauley · 21/08/2026 20:18

Theendisinsight88 · 21/08/2026 20:11

I agree its not the best set up but we were trying to make it work and for the most parts from my side it has. It's been chaotic and there are days where I have needed to work early/late due to distractionso in the day but overall it's been ok.

The house isn't as tidy as it could be but it never is and it's not for lack of trying on my part but where as i can get by with a slightly larger wash pile than i would like, he obviously can't

When we were arguing earlier he made a comment about how fed he was, i muttered so was i and he asked what i had to be fed up about when I'm lazy and get away it and all i care about is my job

he asked what i had to be fed up about when I'm lazy and get away it and all i care about is my job

If my partner spoke to me with such undisguised and ungrounded contempt I think I would understand quite clearly that the relationship was over.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 21/08/2026 20:16

He's fed up?? Tell him to fuck off.

Time to down tools and do nothing for him. Feed yourself and the kids, do your/kids washing. Tidy as little as possible and when he moans about it tell him to do it!!

Let's see who the lazy one is in the relationship.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 21/08/2026 20:11

WeddingDressguest · 21/08/2026 19:03

Shouldn't really be working from home with a 5 year old at home all day. Arranged childcare. Pre covid you'd be at the office five days a week, and you'd have to pay for it.

None of these arguments would have existed, pre covid and working from home.You wouldn't have two parents at home.Working squabbling over who's doing what for the kids. You'd all be at the office and you'd have to pay for child care.

Thankfully none of that is up to you and OPs boss has been flexible by allowing her to wfh during the school holidays.

Are you coming at this from the 'well, I had to work in an office and pay for childcare, so everyone else should too' school of thought? Surely it's a good thing that some employers now recognise the importance of work/life balance and are willing to offer working parents a bit of flexibility where it's possible.

Also wfh doesn't cause OPs husband to be an abusive PoS.

Original poster
Theendisinsight88 · 21/08/2026 20:11

I agree its not the best set up but we were trying to make it work and for the most parts from my side it has. It's been chaotic and there are days where I have needed to work early/late due to distractionso in the day but overall it's been ok.

The house isn't as tidy as it could be but it never is and it's not for lack of trying on my part but where as i can get by with a slightly larger wash pile than i would like, he obviously can't

When we were arguing earlier he made a comment about how fed he was, i muttered so was i and he asked what i had to be fed up about when I'm lazy and get away it and all i care about is my job

OP posts:
MrsVBS · 21/08/2026 20:08

I’d rather live on my own than put up with that.

Realworld10 · 21/08/2026 20:06

Sorry, not sure if I've got this right? You wfh and he is out at work? If so, that's not a beneficial setup looking after a young child for anyone. It would make more sense to arrange childcare rather than frantically rush about and miss parts of your work duties. If DH wfh as well, even then it's still not ideal.

Realworld10 · 21/08/2026 19:59

WeddingDressguest · 21/08/2026 19:03

Shouldn't really be working from home with a 5 year old at home all day. Arranged childcare. Pre covid you'd be at the office five days a week, and you'd have to pay for it.

None of these arguments would have existed, pre covid and working from home.You wouldn't have two parents at home.Working squabbling over who's doing what for the kids. You'd all be at the office and you'd have to pay for child care.

Indeed! Childcare arrangements should be the same when wfh, such a self inflicted unnecessary stress for families.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 21/08/2026 19:57

This is nothing to do with him being stressed due to the school holidays, he's an abusive prick! He sounds like a horrible man and you're running around trying not to upset him.
I'm so sorry OP. He needs to go

Piknik · 21/08/2026 19:55

He is not moaning. He is bullying. Completely different.

Moaning is “oh I’m sick of the heat/neighbours/cat peeing everywhere. It might even be I’m fed up with you and me getting no quality time together.

But it isn’t trying to guilt you for holding down a demanding job or penalise you for “missing some crumbs”.

Facts are:

He should be sharing home and kids 50/50

He should be supportive of your work and try to make it as easy and stress-free as possible. You have enough on your plate without worrying if Twat-Face is going to start tapping his watch whilst you are on a work call. How fucking DARE he?

As for telling you he has to ‘re-do’ your chores… I have no words.

He is a belittling, confidence crushing, joy sucking bully and you are going to have to really understand how bad this is so that you decide how you want to tackle it.

I am sorry Op.

NeatPinkFinch · 21/08/2026 19:51

How are you overthinking?! You are doing so much and he’s out most weekends?!

Honestly you aren’t pissed off enough!

Your life would be better if you LTB!

SamphiretheTervosaur · 21/08/2026 19:51

Have you told him any of what you have posted here?

He sounds unpleasant

Nannylovesshopping · 21/08/2026 19:50

Struggling with positives…. You poor love, that’s because there are no positives, you are fighting a losing battle, to win, you have to kick his sorry arse out of your life!

AbzMoz · 21/08/2026 19:50

You know full well he’s being a knob. The question is what to do about it….
I would perhaps start why asking him why he can’t function as a reasonable human, let alone a parent, and go from there.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 21/08/2026 19:48

What a waste of space he is. This sounds as though he objects to not being the centre of your attention all the time. Well, tough shit, he's a supposed adult. Any normal person would have wiped the crumbs up themselves. He may object to you having a paid job but I doubt he minds the money you bring in.