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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel worn down by DH's constant moaning?

214 replies

Theendisinsight88 · 21/08/2026 18:50

Another day another argument with DH

To put into context, coming to the end of school holidays, it's been hard. DC are 5 and 10. I've done the bulk of childcare or sorted out clubs, babysitting etc and a combination of wfh where possible etc. But its been a long few weeks. Dh has done 1 day at home so I coukd go into the office and even then complained it's been hard

Today's argument started because I was Wfh but had to drop eldest dc off at an activity between calls. Did a quick lunch kids too plates out, but I didn't notice some crumbs were on a chair that they didn't tidy up. Got back and had to rush on a call, so dh came home and threw a strop that there were crumbs there. Asked why I didn't get the kids to tidy up properly before we went out. Explained they took plates and bowls out but that's not good enough

Later on dh was partially napping on the sofa, but was awake as he'd asked me the time 3 times. So knew he was awake. I then dropped something which made a noise while tidying up and he had a go at me for making noise while he napped

Then moaned at me because this morning because I forgot to tell him I was having a shower this morning (I often shower at night) and then he moaned about the wasted effort he had just done on cleaning the shower ( wiping the screen down)

I am probably over thinking this as it's been a long few weeks, my job is demanding and I've not had 2 seconds to myself in 5 weeks (dh been away/out most weekends as well) and I'm exhausted but the constant moaning is killing me

OP posts:
cantthinkofagoodusername2026 · 21/08/2026 22:55

AuraBora · 21/08/2026 21:56

The most unhelpful post ever!

Agree, very unhelpful. Completely missing the point. Plus the arguments would still be there because OP would be expected to still do everything, even if DH gets home at 2pm and she gets home at 6pm.

cantthinkofagoodusername2026 · 21/08/2026 22:53

Theendisinsight88 · 21/08/2026 20:11

I agree its not the best set up but we were trying to make it work and for the most parts from my side it has. It's been chaotic and there are days where I have needed to work early/late due to distractionso in the day but overall it's been ok.

The house isn't as tidy as it could be but it never is and it's not for lack of trying on my part but where as i can get by with a slightly larger wash pile than i would like, he obviously can't

When we were arguing earlier he made a comment about how fed he was, i muttered so was i and he asked what i had to be fed up about when I'm lazy and get away it and all i care about is my job

What does he do about the wash pile? Does he do anything to reduce it, or does he expect you to do it all, and then complain when he can't find his socks?
You have an extra, overgrown child here.

JesseDavisGonnaHangOnInThereNSoul · 21/08/2026 22:50

Fuck all of it
You're a person not a machine.
He's a gradeA prick.

cantthinkofagoodusername2026 · 21/08/2026 22:49

Why has DH been away weekends, and why didn't he get the DCs some lunch? It's beyond cheeky for him to complain about crumbs when he hasn't lifted a finger.

CamillaMcCauley · 21/08/2026 22:21

@Theendisinsight88 Do you think/see that your husband is extremely controlling?

likeafishneedsabike · 21/08/2026 22:15

Gengha · 21/08/2026 20:41

Also stop doing his laundry. I have never done my husbands laundry and now my kids are grown I don’t do theirs either any more. I’m fucked if I was put on this earth to wash a grown man’s pants!!

This is the hill I have decided to die on too. Why the fuck is it OP’s problem that her man has no clean socks? He can wash them or buy more. Not her problem: she has a job and equal financial responsibility.

LilyBunch25 · 21/08/2026 22:08

You are not overthinking this. He's an overgrown child. Tell him to stop whingeing.

Fiftyandme · 21/08/2026 22:05

He’s controlling.

SUPerSaver721 · 21/08/2026 22:04

Are you someone who would rather have a shit husband than no husband at all? I havnt heard one positive thing that youve said about him. I would rather live alone with my children than put up with him. Hes an arsehole and I bet you and your 2 children would live a very happy life if he wasnt living in the same house.

Gowlett · 21/08/2026 22:04

Sorry, you answered that earlier!

Gowlett · 21/08/2026 22:00

We all have to make sacrifices for our work, bet he’d complain if you weren’t working! Out of interest, do you have a better job than him?

Theendisinsight88 · 21/08/2026 21:56

He has issues with my job, as me tioned before he thinks I prioritise my job over him and the kids. I enjoy my job but the kids and him always come first and I work hard to be able tonprovide and contribute so we can have and do nice things etc

There is some travel involved in my role and he will always maks it difficult if I need to travel which means I have had some difficult conversations at work

I do think there is a centre of attention thing.

At dinner he has stopped making me a drink as he doesn't agree with my choice of drink (pepsi max) but if i don't make him a drink when i get up in the morning so he can take some tablets i don't hear the end of it

OP posts:
AuraBora · 21/08/2026 21:56

WeddingDressguest · 21/08/2026 19:03

Shouldn't really be working from home with a 5 year old at home all day. Arranged childcare. Pre covid you'd be at the office five days a week, and you'd have to pay for it.

None of these arguments would have existed, pre covid and working from home.You wouldn't have two parents at home.Working squabbling over who's doing what for the kids. You'd all be at the office and you'd have to pay for child care.

The most unhelpful post ever!

OrangeSlices998 · 21/08/2026 21:52

Theendisinsight88 · 21/08/2026 20:11

I agree its not the best set up but we were trying to make it work and for the most parts from my side it has. It's been chaotic and there are days where I have needed to work early/late due to distractionso in the day but overall it's been ok.

The house isn't as tidy as it could be but it never is and it's not for lack of trying on my part but where as i can get by with a slightly larger wash pile than i would like, he obviously can't

When we were arguing earlier he made a comment about how fed he was, i muttered so was i and he asked what i had to be fed up about when I'm lazy and get away it and all i care about is my job

This is at least the 4th thread I’ve read about someone’s shit husband. You deserve better than this! He can pull his finger out and get some jobs done, or get a cleaner. Why is everything your responsibility? Why are you with this man? He’s hardly a good husband or father. Get out OP. Life is far far far too short

hmmdunno · 21/08/2026 21:48

Hankunamatata · 21/08/2026 21:37

So he basically doesnt like you working.

He would be fiiiine with her working if only she would step up and prioritise his socks!

Hankunamatata · 21/08/2026 21:37

So he basically doesnt like you working.

JoWilkinsonsno1fan · 21/08/2026 21:33

What an absolute prick - I would have gone mental at his crumb nonsense, how dare he. When are you leaving this piece of shit…

Babybirdmum · 21/08/2026 21:07

Theendisinsight88 · 21/08/2026 19:06

Apparently it's such an issue because he has mentioned it before but I have also said before I am usually running between calls I don't always notice snd sometimes I go round after I finish and tidy up

I'm also trying do various loads of washing during the day, keep the kids alive but all of that is looked over. I app also do a bad job at all the jobs I do as sometimes the washing pile is higher than it should be or he runs lows on socks and the dishwasher comes out not 100% clean

Should add during term times all the school runs usually fall to me

He works early shifts 630 - 130 but gets up at 545 to get to work, I get up the same time to go for a run and then start the housework

Oh and last night it was an argument as he saw me brushing youngests teeth...and apparently a 5 year is full capable of doing it all himself

Children age 6 and under are not recommended to brush their own teeth he can ask a dentist. But a side note it sounds like he is very fussy. I am the clean one in my relationship so I empathise with him because it can be frustrating living with someone more messy because to tidy people clutter and mess causes anxiety. However I also understand that for you it’s hard being nagged and nit picked when you’re trying your best and you’re busy too. Have a chat and let him know how overwhelmed you’re feeling and that it would be better if you divide the tasks in a different way as it’s not working very well given the arguments. Me and my husband got a cleaner even though we’re far from rich just because it reduced our arguments dramatically.

Brainstorm23 · 21/08/2026 21:02

What does this useless creature bring to the table? Get up early tomorrow, take yourself out for the day, put your phone on silent and see how he gets on doing some actual parenting for a change.

avonleabonbon · 21/08/2026 21:00

How do you STAND him? He sounds AWFUL!

Topjoe19 · 21/08/2026 20:58

I genuinely don't know how you put up with it.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/08/2026 20:55

Just think how much easier life would be without him op. Allow yourself to imagine that.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 21/08/2026 20:55

Fromthecookiejar · 21/08/2026 20:42

I'd be interested to know if OP's boss agreed for her to WFH during the holidays so she could do childcare during working hours. I doubt it.

This mindset just annoys me because as a working parent who has the benefit of working from home, I use that to allow me to pick up my children up from wraparound care at 5pm instead of 6pm. I do not attempt to take care of my children during working hours because it's not fair on them, or me, or my employer.

All that being said - OP's husband sounds like a dick.

OP said my boss is being ultra flexible about me wfh while it's school hols and her dickhead of a husband is supposed to look after the kids when he gets in.

Whether it annoys you or not isn't the point. This thread isn't about you.

Vulturesoverhead · 21/08/2026 20:54

Wow. What is he bringing to the table, well apart from modelling how to be a total cunt to your kids? Really, I’m not joking.

Vulturesoverhead · 21/08/2026 20:53

Wow. What is he bringing to the table, well apart from modelling how to be a total cunt to your kids? Really, I’m not joking.