AIBU to feel worn down by DH's constant moaning?

He really is a mean man
You work as many hours as he does and make as much but somehow you're responsible for all the household chores and the child care? I really hope you're not paying 50% on everything while doing 100% of everything else

When was the last time he ever made a real meal or cleaned anything himself?

Why are you doing almost all the childcare, expected to serve and look after him and his laundry, and then also being subject to his terrible moods and behaviours. Your equal earners and contributors to the household and yet you do almost everything else including babying a grown man. You have a DH problem.

You need to read him the riot act OP. he is completely failing to appreciate the work you’re doing.

What is all the money you’re saving on holiday clubs going on? His weekend escapades?

Consider refusing to WFH over the holidays. It can’t be great for your 5 year old in particular, can it?

I hope posting here has given you some more clarity OP that this man brings only negativity and shit to your life. You deserve a lot better!

Can you imagine how peaceful and joyful your life would be without him in it being a negative and nagging arsehole??

The worst outcome is that your DC observe this behaviour and think that a) it’s something to emulate or b) put up with in a future partner. Get rid of him.

This could work... Some experiential learning for him...

DO AS LITTLE AS HE DOES....

Also... This too👍👍

I'm sorry that you're living with such a tiresome bully...

Please do ask him why HE hasn't taught the five-year-old to clean his teeth,

and also

why HE hasn't tidied up the crumbs that he's obviously seen, that you've missed when you were doing the 200 other things.

This needs to be pushed back, and tell him he is a co-parent and you're not his slave. And WHO made HIM your boss??

I'd find this so utterly draining! I really hope there's a resolution soon.

OP tell him to shut up and stop behaving like your employer or you will find someone who treats you like a person

Having read all your comments, OP, I’m amazed at your level of tolerance for his asshattery. It sounds like that no matter what you do, it isn’t good enough. Has he always been this way or is it something that has come on with children like so many men who want a family as long as it’s their wife who manages everything under the sun?

He sounds like a right dick!

if you tally up all of the things you do (even the things you do “poorly”) how much time are you spending on household/domestic tasks?

I think you need to sit him down and say “you have non-stopped moaned the last 10 weeks you are clearly unhappy so what can we do to fix that? Right now we need both our incomes so that means 40 hours a week I’m at work. I’m also spending 15/20/25 hours on household tasks to your ??? So from my side I’ve got a husband constantly moaning AND I’m doing the lions share of our lives, you’re not happy and I’m feeling taken advantage of. Are we committed to working out a more balanced split and working towards happiness?” And see what he says.

the kids are half his, if neither one of you is willing or able financially to do less hours then he will need to step up. Maybe he will say this one thing would make a huge difference and you could work on that, maybe he won’t and then when he moans you could say “if it’s bothering you darling, go and get the kids and show them how you want it done” while you plan an exit

Sorry, have I got this right?:

1. Crumbs
2. You woke him whilst he napped
3. You showered at the wrong time

To be fair, 6.30 to 1.30 is a seven-hour working day, but it's certainly not incompatible with doing other things, including a fair share of child care.

Your kids should be in childcare when you’re working. You can’t give proper attention to both work and kids.

Oh and your husband is a miserable controlling lazy arsehole. I don’t really see the point of him tbh.

Your husband is abusive. This endless narrative that you are shit and wrong and bad at everything. It’s rubbish. It has already eroded your sense of self or you wouldn’t be tolerating any of this. What a trooper you are to be carrying the whole show and trying to manage his controlling and difficult demands.

Your children are learning that this is a relationship instead of learning that contempt has no home in friendships and love. This man is meant to be your biggest cheerleader and instead he is seeking to whittle you away until you are an obedient functionary, a Stepford wife who can put her king first.

I hope you have friends and support and can start the process of becoming free. I mean you can do it anyway but start gathering your cheerleaders or making new ones. You are clearly awesome. He really doesn’t deserve you.

Awww poor old Victor Meldrew hasn’t got any clean socks. Too bad Victor, wash them yourself!
And I would start calling him Victor every time I spoke to him.

what exactly does HE do apart from work just like you also do ??

why are you running the house by yourself?
instead if him criticising you for what you havnt moved or done , if he can do it better he should do it . I would not be looking after 2 kids, wfh, cooking,washing,cleaning whilst he naps !
WTF , you need to share jobs

Your making a rod for your own back - his skivvy
it’s the 21st century it’s 50/50 housework /kids

What an absolute drainer he is.

Manchild was my first thought. I would make plans to leave him - he doesn’t add any value to your life at all.

Just here to say he sounds a controlling pig headed arsehole, he's not master of the universe and your partner is meant to lift you up not drag you down.

You are not overthinking it.

He wants to be told when you are showering. Say that back yourself.

He’s horrendous. I’m not a big fan of the LTB shouts but honestly, you need an exit strategy.

Tell him his constant moaning is doing your head in. Moan moan moan. Sick of it etc. He prob doesn’t realise how much of it he’s doing. Communication is key. Moaning about crumbs with small kids though - sounds hard work and high expectations!

I couldn’t live like this. In fact I decided not to and divorced the twat. Happiest I’ve ever been since I left my moaning XH and he had to actually cook, clean and occasionally look after his own children all by himself. Meanwhile I had nights off so that I could go out with friends, date other more exciting and interesting men and eventually meet someone who insists I put my feet up while he does the washing up, ironing etc.

Life is too short to spend it with an insufferable prick. Give him one chance to shut the fuck up about crumbs and step up as a husband or father. Then when he inevitably fails, kick his arse out and get proper childcare sorted so that he can’t continue to jeopardise your career.

It sounds like you have an understanding manager so maybe you can schedule future work trips for the days your DCs stay with their dad. Just don’t tell him because he sounds the type to fuck you about over it if he knows you’re having a life without him.

@Theendisinsight88 I am seriously hyperventilating reading this.
You must realise he's bad for you.
You know it.

You are so used to this you cant even begin to see how bad it is. He is an awful, controlling man. And lazy to boot.

Keep.posting. hopefully the mn shivering will help.you see it.

Wow. What is he bringing to the table, well apart from modelling how to be a total cunt to your kids? Really, I’m not joking.