AIBU to feel worn down by DH's constant moaning?

Please tell us clearly why he is not doing any childcare or housework - why are these your job? why is he not pulling his weight at weekends or when he’s not at work?

he sounds like a wanker tbh

I think this is a very constructive post. The school hols are nearly over now but once the kids are in bed this weekend you need to have a serious chat with him and make clear you are not going to tolerate his bullying behaviour anymore.

• he needs to respect your work time by actively parenting once he is back home, not napping. If he naps, wake him up.

-understand it is your job to travel sometimes and accommodate it

-parent as a team, ie crumbs are left, just clean them up

-draw up a chores list and make him responsible for half

Reset the tone for the rest of the holiday.

It will only change if you don't allow yourself to be treated this way. After a horrible marriage and messy divorce, I am now very boundaried with my new partner. If he shouts at me or talks to me disrespectfully I make it clear every time I won't be treated like that. It works.

Why is all of that your job, though? Are his hands broken?

Is there a reason you’re tolerating all this?

Tell him to dial it down or he won't be sleeping on the sofa he'll be sleeping elsewhere.

JFC I would have had the biggest tantrum when he said that. He is utterly useless, selfish and lazy and I don't know how you kept your temper. You put the kids first, him second and yourself last. He puts himself first every single time. He is a shit father and an even shitter husband. How can you bear to even look at him?

This behaviour would be marriage-ending for me. You sound lovely and he totally doesn't deserve you.

This is so sad OP. This is no way to live. I hope you read these comments and find peace. You sound incredible strong and resilient.

He is abusive and controlling.

Op I’m sorry this is an abusive relationship.
It will have a profound affect on your kids if you stay in it.
If Mr Whiny Arse wanted a trad wife he should have been honest about it from the start, but no he’s choosing to abuse a normal adult human because he’s a fucking inadequate narcissist.

And napping…..

'but I didn't notice some crumbs were on a chair that they didn't tidy up. Got back and had to rush on a call, so dh came home and threw a strop that there were crumbs there'

This alone identifies exactly who your not so DH is. Unbearable controlling arsehole, who holds you in contempt.

Can you afford to get rid? x

Please leave him
you know it won’t get better and honestly it’s not funny when you are treated with such a lack of respect.
he has nothing to contribute but control. End this now and divorce him whilst you can salvage a life for yourself and your children

i recognise my own situation in your story. I turned things around by becoming more outspoken and drawing boundaries. Don’t just try to make things better within this current set up. Change the dynamic or you remain the default parent and also doing all the household jobs and childcare. Get arsey and call out his crap behaviour. Carve out time for yourself and get out the house. Your husband needs to pull his socks up. You can do it with humour but with a steel core, or be clear and spell it out. Remember who you are and don’t put up with this.

He’s very critical isn’t he. I’d be telling him where to stick his criticisms. Who appointed him judge & jury? Crumbs on a chair 🙄. How long do you think you can realistically tolerate him?

Oh come ON, you must know he's a grade A prick. Hope he's fantastic in bed or something to make up for it.

Would you want your children to be in a relationship with someone like this?

He's setting them a terrible example and they'll have noticed more than you think. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, at least save up for the therapy they'll need.

Later on dh was partially napping on the sofa

Id love to know when you ever get time to have a nap.

He's selfish and controlling. Just imagine how much easier your life would be if you left him!

Why is he napping in the afternoons and not helping with the children? I think I would have gone off to the library/office/cafe to work there to force him into it.
You say he gets up at 5.45 for work. Early, but by no means that early unless you are going to then add he has a health condition so needs rest.

That's seven hours. But yes, he's an arse.

Stop apologising for not spotting the odd crumb or whatever, OP. Tell him he's not your bloody line manager and you don't want to hear any more of this crap. And that if he's so bothered by your job, you can quit to play domestic goddess and he can support the whole family. He sounds awful.

So your DC have been stuck at home all summer while you work and he plays no part in their care or entertainment? Poor kids.

Changed my vote. Thank you!

Manchild.
Has he always been like this or only after the children were born? Some of these guys don't show their true colours until they trap you.
Lots of stories on Mumsnet of similar relationships.

If you earn enough to start again I'd leave him. You could spend forty years picking up after him and later wiping his arse!
Technically he's a bully and I wouldn't want to sleep with such a man.
Get your ducks in a row but be prepared for him to be an even worse parent if you divorce him.

You can change it, just hit the correct button and it will change your vote.

@Theendisinsight88 divorce is available. Why on earth do you think this is reasonable?

So you’ve only been to the office once in the holidays and have worked with them distracting you in the background and just let your DH go and sleep instead of caring for them and letting you work. Totally unfair to your employer given there are childcare options out there, and unfair to your children having to entertain themselves as you’re working. Why haven’t you pulled your DH up on him not caring for them in the afternoon? He should be taking them out and letting you get on with work.

No wonder people working at home get a bad reputation. My children are young adults now but I paid for holiday care. Unfair to expect them to entertain themselves (no doubt with screens) and even when dad is home, not bothering to take them out. How dare he complain you’re logging on earlier and later as you’re not doing the same work you’d do in term time, when he is doing nothing to helpZ

Poor you! I am part of the 2% that hit the wrong button by mistake. You are NOT being unreasonable at all. His behaviour is terrible.