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Neighbour inviting themselves in to AirBNB we're staying at?!

32 replies

GreensAreGoodForYou · 21/08/2026 18:37

We are staying at an AirBNB in France. A few days ago, a male neighbour (relevant as we are women/girls) just appeared, came through the garden gate without shouting hello or anything, and suddenly was standing next to me (I was relaxing in a lounger). His breath smelled of alcohol. He asked me if I was there alone, then asked if I had children with me. My French is rubbish so I tried to avoid answering, then was boring enough that he left. I only found out who he was after asking another neighbour, who assured me he's just nosy/interested in new people.

Then a few days later he appeared with his young daughter and tried to come in (pointed past me and started to move towards the door opening, where he could see my two teens). I said no, and waffled on about them being busy. (Quite proud of myself for saying no, I am such a people pleaser usually that I find it hard to say no when I know it's the right thing!)

So my question is – is it normal in any culture to just appear at someone's door and invite yourself in? When the people staying in the house don't live there? (Or even if they live there!) Wouldn't it be more friendly/normal to INVITE someone over if you wanted your kid to meet someone else's kids?

I suppose I'm just looking for soothing answers, lots of YANBU, telling me I wasn't outrageously rude and that my response was perfectly natural, and that this neighbour won't have it in for us now and do something awful!

Changed a few details in case this is outing.

OP posts:
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NotAnotherScarf · 22/08/2026 15:05

LlynTegid · 22/08/2026 07:44

Even if you have no more contact with the man, let Air BnB know what has happened.

If visiting France is something you do regularly, maybe worth learning more of the language. One of the reasons I advocate someone who moves to another country learning the local language is so they can seek help if needed- just as I expect anyone coming to this country to learn English, a so-called expat in Spain should be able to speak Spanish, for example.

It's my pet hate. People who move abroad and make no fucking effort. I have an aunt who becomes very west country when she visits because she only speaks English when she comes back to Bristol each summer. A mate who is extremely fluent in Spanish and another who's Spanish has a Mexican accent!

Then there's the couple I met in France on a campsite who live in Normandy and were exploring France and I had to translate for them as the campsite owner didn't speak English. That was in the Loire.

Or my old boss who lived between England and Portugal and had to come home very ill because neither he or the wife can speak a word of Portuguese despite having a house there for 15 bloody years

SummerNocturnal · 22/08/2026 11:54

Well you get CF globally.
He was clearly looking for a chance to offload his child.
Unacceptable and needs to go in your feedback.

GreensAreGoodForYou · 22/08/2026 11:45

EmpressaurusKitty · 22/08/2026 09:25

It’s good manners as well as self preservation.

I do know enough to have understood he was asking me if I was here alone and if I was with my kids. I understand quite a bit but when flustered it’s hard to find the right words. What I would’ve said in English is a longish mix of why are you here/are you looking for someone? and I’m sorry, we are busy, I will see you out, or similar… no way I can figure all that out in the moment. So my weirdo brain went with Spanish actually 😂 (I speak English, German and Spanish, and GCSE-level French). Somehow he seemed to understand ‘Estamos ocupados’ or maybe just grasped my exaggerated hand gestures!

OP posts:
JoWawa · 22/08/2026 11:31

GreensAreGoodForYou · 21/08/2026 20:51

That actually makes me feel better. I was worried it might be considered perfectly normal!

We had Canadian neighbours who thought it was normal to stroll around our garden.

Friendlygingercat · 22/08/2026 11:26

OP needs to use 'vous', even when telling a stranger to fuck off.

The intimate mode is used to people you know well and small children, Its more of an insult because you are putting yourself in a dominant social position.

Fuck off in a selection of languages is always useful and universally understood.

EmpressaurusKitty · 22/08/2026 09:25

LlynTegid · 22/08/2026 07:44

Even if you have no more contact with the man, let Air BnB know what has happened.

If visiting France is something you do regularly, maybe worth learning more of the language. One of the reasons I advocate someone who moves to another country learning the local language is so they can seek help if needed- just as I expect anyone coming to this country to learn English, a so-called expat in Spain should be able to speak Spanish, for example.

It’s good manners as well as self preservation.

saveforthat · 22/08/2026 07:47

Oriunda · 22/08/2026 00:47

'Allez vous en' would be better, and less aggressive. Or 'foutez le camp'.

OP needs to use 'vous', even when telling a stranger to fuck off.

Or just say fuck off which is recognised internationally

LlynTegid · 22/08/2026 07:44

Even if you have no more contact with the man, let Air BnB know what has happened.

If visiting France is something you do regularly, maybe worth learning more of the language. One of the reasons I advocate someone who moves to another country learning the local language is so they can seek help if needed- just as I expect anyone coming to this country to learn English, a so-called expat in Spain should be able to speak Spanish, for example.

GreensAreGoodForYou · 22/08/2026 07:34

NotAnotherScarf · 21/08/2026 23:00

Next time he tries dial 112. This is a European wide emergency number and will contact you to an operator who speaks English. A visit from the local police may stop the guy.

That’s so useful, thanks!

I made sure everything was locked and managed to sleep ok. We leave soon which I’m glad about! Have rehearsed the firm ‘bugger off’ phrase in case I need it. Useful to know! Thanks all!

OP posts:
Oriunda · 22/08/2026 00:47

Friendlygingercat · 21/08/2026 23:25

The closest, direct French equivalent of “fuck off” is va te faire foutre. This is the standard, widely‑understood, very vulgar way to tell someone to get lost.

'Allez vous en' would be better, and less aggressive. Or 'foutez le camp'.

OP needs to use 'vous', even when telling a stranger to fuck off.

CatherinedeBourgh · 21/08/2026 23:55

Another one who lived in rural France. Never ever had anything like this, nor did any of my friends. Totally weird.

Nousernameideaaga · 21/08/2026 23:54

This would make me so uncomfortable I would want to leave.

I don’t think the hosts “just ignore him” response is good enough either.

Nearly50omg · 21/08/2026 23:51

Tell him if he walks in again to go away and you will be calling the police! And follow up with the police!!! They will take it seriously. Even if he doesn’t speak English he will understand the word police!!!

Friendlygingercat · 21/08/2026 23:25

The closest, direct French equivalent of “fuck off” is va te faire foutre. This is the standard, widely‑understood, very vulgar way to tell someone to get lost.

blushroses6 · 21/08/2026 23:11

I work in holiday rentals in Europe and this is definitely not normal. Say no firmly and make sure you lock all doors & windows. If someone knocked at my door (at home or on holiday) and I wasn’t expecting someone, I wouldn't open it. I’m not trying to scare you, it’s more likely to be innocent but you can’t be too careful, people do pry on holidaymakers as they are relaxed and let their guard down.

chattyness · 21/08/2026 23:06

Tell the host it's ruining your stay and making you feel unsafe

Shedmistress · 21/08/2026 23:06

I live in rural France and no, this is not a thing.

NotAnotherScarf · 21/08/2026 23:00

Next time he tries dial 112. This is a European wide emergency number and will contact you to an operator who speaks English. A visit from the local police may stop the guy.

LauritaEvita · 21/08/2026 22:20

Barging in on someone is not part of French culture. They have very similar etiquette to ours. Even if you were somewhere where this was culturally the norm, you wouldn’t have to go along with it for cultural reasons.

Report to air bnb host. I would also cover this in my review to warn other women about this.

Anendlessseriesofunfortunateevents · 21/08/2026 21:02

Asking if you're there alone and if you have kids with you is VERY creepy. Coupled with him reeking of alcohol and walking into the garden I'd be very uncomfortable.

Airbnb host seems rather shit tbh.
Id be warning other travellers when you leave a review.

Keep doors locked op.

travailtotravel · 21/08/2026 21:00

Report this above the host to Airbnb directly

Londonrach1 · 21/08/2026 20:59

Tell the owner. Not normal. Can you lock the gate. Keep door locked

GreensAreGoodForYou · 21/08/2026 20:51

jobsagooduninnit · 21/08/2026 19:17

We had a house rural France for a while. This is not normal or ‘cultural’.

That actually makes me feel better. I was worried it might be considered perfectly normal!

OP posts:
jobsagooduninnit · 21/08/2026 19:17

We had a house rural France for a while. This is not normal or ‘cultural’.

AggroPotato · 21/08/2026 19:16

Say no. Absolutely not.