Page 6 | AIBU to be devastated at my ex claiming CB to block me receiving it. I'm on UC he earns 120k+

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 2026-08-21T16:51:20+00:00

My ex earns six figures. I was absolutely blindsided by the break up. As a SAHM I was financially dependent, having invested all my money into our shared home. I am now on benefits, absolutely financially cut off. After months of him withholding our DC. We now have court ordered 50 50. My ex when we were together told me not to bother claiming child benefit as due to his high income it would have to be repaid. I tried to claim CB, and discovered he is claiming it, despite having to repay it all through the high income charge. So no benefit for our child. He wont transfer it to me, despite my needing it, and him not even receiving the money. HMRC say they wont change the decision. I believe he would rather see me in poverty. My solicitor was appalled someone could be like this. Can I challenge the decision? Anyone else been in this awful situation? It feels like a continuation of deliberate financial control.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 24/08/2026 17:38

FunPartyIdeas · 24/08/2026 14:09

A very similar situation, OP. My wealthy ex-husband changed the locks to the marital home within hours of me saying it was over. Police advised only way back in was to smash windows to the property which I wasn't prepared to do as my kids had been through enough stress.
Now a decade on and I'm now happily remarried, even though we are still privately renting as can't afford to buy.
He can stick his million pound house, hot tub and swimming pool up his derriere; I have love, happiness and freedom! None of which he could ever give me 💪 ❤️

Edited

You shouldn't take the police's word for things, they get it wrong all the time. If you also owned the house or were legally entitled to something from it, then legally you could have taken him to court for your share.

FunPartyIdeas · 24/08/2026 20:18

@WhyOhWhyWasDHSuchAShit I couldn't agree with you more. It's usually the wealthiest parent who "wins" in court, and a clever coercive controller is also great at deception.
I am so pleased your children are seeing the truth now that they are older.

FunPartyIdeas · 24/08/2026 20:21

@ReadingSoManyThreads I did go to court. I got my "share" of the house but due to his wheelings and dealings it wasn't enough for me to purchase another one with. Hence why we are still privately renting.
Money talks in court.

Original poster

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 10/09/2026 16:19

Merrybandofpirates · 22/08/2026 11:46

You gave up work and became a SAHM without the protection of marriage?

Some questions so we can see where you stand -
Did you have your own savings account which he paid into, so you had your own money and weren’t disadvantaged by not working? Or have you got nothing?

Did he pay into a pension for you, or make voluntary NI contributions to protect your state pension?

Why didn’t you claim the CB for the NI credits but tick the box saying “no payment”?

You said you put all your money into the house - is your name on the deeds, so it’s being sold, or he is buying you out so you can get your money back? Or is the house solely is and without being married, you can’t get your money out of it?

Edited

Hi MBOP, thank you and I know its been a few weeks, but the advice on here has been great. to answer your questions

No I did not receive payments from him to compensate for not having my own income, he promised an allowance but in reality this was rarely paid as he said all money spent on house (which we were renovating)

No he didnt make any contributions to my state pension, and in fact told me not to claim child bnefit when we were together so obviously if he knew, he didn't much care about my state pension, and said I was a beneficiary of his pension.

i didn't know you could claim CB for NI credits, even with high earning partner

yes my name is on the deeds, but he persuaded me to sign as joint tenants, saying my money was protected, i did not receive independent legal advice and had no idea this could happen - it now turns out he plans to claim half the house, when i put in all the equity.

OP posts:

Boomer55 · 10/09/2026 16:27

If it’s 50/50 no CMS payable. But you can contact CB dept and explain the situation.

Smoosha · 10/09/2026 16:31

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 10/09/2026 16:19

Hi MBOP, thank you and I know its been a few weeks, but the advice on here has been great. to answer your questions

No I did not receive payments from him to compensate for not having my own income, he promised an allowance but in reality this was rarely paid as he said all money spent on house (which we were renovating)

No he didnt make any contributions to my state pension, and in fact told me not to claim child bnefit when we were together so obviously if he knew, he didn't much care about my state pension, and said I was a beneficiary of his pension.

i didn't know you could claim CB for NI credits, even with high earning partner

yes my name is on the deeds, but he persuaded me to sign as joint tenants, saying my money was protected, i did not receive independent legal advice and had no idea this could happen - it now turns out he plans to claim half the house, when i put in all the equity.

Show quote history

You mean you put in all the deposit surely not all the equity? You say you’ve been a SAHM for a while so he’s been paying the mortgage surely? So he has put some of his money into the house as well. But yes ideally you should have bought as tenants in common rather than joint tenants so you could get back what you put in. But you can’t change that now. As joint tenants yes you’ll likely get 50/50 each.

Hanksness · 10/09/2026 18:18

Heartbrokenanddevastated · 10/09/2026 16:19

Hi MBOP, thank you and I know its been a few weeks, but the advice on here has been great. to answer your questions

No I did not receive payments from him to compensate for not having my own income, he promised an allowance but in reality this was rarely paid as he said all money spent on house (which we were renovating)

No he didnt make any contributions to my state pension, and in fact told me not to claim child bnefit when we were together so obviously if he knew, he didn't much care about my state pension, and said I was a beneficiary of his pension.

i didn't know you could claim CB for NI credits, even with high earning partner

yes my name is on the deeds, but he persuaded me to sign as joint tenants, saying my money was protected, i did not receive independent legal advice and had no idea this could happen - it now turns out he plans to claim half the house, when i put in all the equity.

Show quote history

This is Coercive control and financial abuse.
Talk to Women's aid and consider going to the police and reporting it.
You could be eligible for legal aid.
Coercive control is a crime.

Dilemma999 · 10/09/2026 18:23

How can he throw you out of the house if you joint own it?

ScarletLisa · 10/09/2026 18:32

If you are joint tenants or tenants in common he had no right to throw you out of your home.
You have every right to live there.
He had no right throwing you out.

You probably don't want to move back in but me personally I'd think fuck the bastard it's my house too & I'd get my friends & family to help me

WhyOhWhyWasDHSuchAShit · 13/09/2026 06:28

Dilemma999 · 10/09/2026 18:23

How can he throw you out of the house if you joint own it?

What partners can legally do in these situations and what the reality is are two very different things.

My ex-H and I were joint tenants on our house we owned together, but he still threw me out. Yes, legally I was entitled to go back in and solicitors advice was that I did because I was more likely to get custody of the children if I did. However, ex-H manipulated everyone including my family and friends.

I ended up walking away because it is what I thought was best for my DC.

It is difficult to judge these situations if you've never been in them.