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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if you’d be allowed to do this?

624 replies

Lighterthansprite · 21/08/2026 17:27

I rarely ever have a night away - just for context. The last one was about 2 years ago and I can’t remember the time before that. DH has never liked it much (he has had nights away, including several nights abroad with friends for stags / birthdays etc)

Unfortunately it has happened that I have an agreed night away coming up shortly, which has been planned for ages to see a concert, but another close friend has now asked me if I am able to go with her for a spa night the weekend before as the person she originally planned to go with can’t make it.

So I’d be away two weekends - one after the other. I haven’t even asked yet… I don’t know if it’s unreasonable to do so? Two children - nearly 18 and 12.

Would your DH / partner allow you to go?

OP posts:
Usefuladvice · 21/08/2026 17:35

Op, My DC are a lot younger inc a toddler, my DP is away this weekend and I'm away next weekend. We also have more weekends planned.
Why does your DH not like you going away.

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 21/08/2026 17:36

Allowed?

No, I do what I like when I like pretty much. Of course I check with DH that there's no plans that clash or anything but I don't ask his permission! Goodness.

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 21/08/2026 17:36

I take it youre expecting him to object. Why does he think its ok for him, but not you? If money isnt a problem, and theres nothing planned,what reasons is he likely to bring up? Can't be childcare. And why would you need permission as you're an adult with agency?
I've been married a very long time and ive never asked permission from my husband for anything. Id ask if we had plans, but never permission.

shockmethen · 21/08/2026 17:36

In a healthy relationship a person would be able to say something like ‘XXXX is on next weekend. I’d like to go. There’s nothing on that he forgotten about is there?’

I wouldn’t ask permission but either would I make some statement that I was going without a chat. Because it would be really off if my dh announced to me that he was going somewhere without a chat first

BirdLandedonmyHead · 21/08/2026 17:36

Mine would be pushing me out the door.

If he is genuinely not allowing you, please seek someone to talk with.

TrunkElliot · 21/08/2026 17:36

Your relationship sounds very unhealthy based on what you have posted. Have you access to money ?

WerewolfOfLoudon · 21/08/2026 17:36

I'd make sure partner didn't have anything planned he hadn't mentioned just as a courtesy, but otherwise let him know I now have plans that weekend.

Bluetray · 21/08/2026 17:36

Absolutely.
"Allowed?" Not normal not to be.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 21/08/2026 17:37

Absolutely not normal to ask for permission. You tell him about the event, you check he doesn't have anything planned and will survive without you for a night and you go.

mtobrokeme · 21/08/2026 17:37

I’m allowed to do whatever I like because I’m 42 years old and my husband isn’t my owner. You tell him what your plans are and if he gets the titty-lip on just advise him not to trip over it.

Ineffable23 · 21/08/2026 17:38

If you had said that they were 2 and 4 I might have thought it was a bit rough to be away 2 weekends in a row. But 18 and 11 is surely a completely different kettle of fish?!

Franpie · 21/08/2026 17:38

Would I be allowed?? I’m a 46 year old grown woman. I can do whatever I want. I haven’t asked permission to do anything since I was 15!

Original poster
Lighterthansprite · 21/08/2026 17:38

Money is fine - I work - I’m not asking him to pay for anything.
I just know he won’t be happy. I want to go but I’m tempted to say no because I can’t stand the sulking.

He may flat out say no - it has happened before that he has.

OP posts:
Marroon · 21/08/2026 17:38

I wouldn’t even say I was “allowed” to be honest. I’m not a child who needs permission.

Lyra87 · 21/08/2026 17:38

This wouldn't be a case of being allowed in my marriage. I would bring it up and check there is nothing else on that weekend. It sounds controlling to me, do you feel like your DH is a controlling man? Do you get time to do hobbies or even just have time to yourself?

AgnesMcDoo · 21/08/2026 17:39

Of course. And it wouldn’t be about ‘letting me’. I don’t ask permission.

MakeItRain · 21/08/2026 17:39

I wasn't sure what I was voting for. I vote YABU to be thinking you need to ask permission to be allowed to go. It doesn't sound a very equal relationship.

Lyra87 · 21/08/2026 17:40

Lighterthansprite · 21/08/2026 17:38

Money is fine - I work - I’m not asking him to pay for anything.
I just know he won’t be happy. I want to go but I’m tempted to say no because I can’t stand the sulking.

He may flat out say no - it has happened before that he has.

What are his reasons for saying no? Why does he get to go away for weekends and you don't?

mtobrokeme · 21/08/2026 17:40

Lighterthansprite · 21/08/2026 17:38

Money is fine - I work - I’m not asking him to pay for anything.
I just know he won’t be happy. I want to go but I’m tempted to say no because I can’t stand the sulking.

He may flat out say no - it has happened before that he has.

Do you tell him to get to fuck when he tells you no? Why are you allowing this cretin to dictate what you do? Seriously and kindly, grow a back bone. If he sulks then so fucking what?

Tablesandchairs23 · 21/08/2026 17:40

You don't need his permission. Tell him you're going. Don't let him control you.

Metromayhem · 21/08/2026 17:40

Op you are in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship.

DancingNotDrowning · 21/08/2026 17:40

My DH does not allow or disallow me to do anything. I’m an adult with full autonomy for my life and actions.

He would absolutely encourage me to go out with friends of the opportunity arose and I wanted to do so.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 21/08/2026 17:41

Allowed? Children are 18 and 12? I thought you were going to say 2 and 4.

OP. This is not normal. Your DH sounds nasty and controlling. You should be able to come and go as you please, as long as it’s on the calendar!

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 21/08/2026 17:41

My husband doesn’t have the authority to ‘allow’ or ‘not allow’ me to do anything. Why does yours?

And, in your situation, my husband would be delighted that I was going out and enjoying myself. As he’s not an arsehole.

moggiek · 21/08/2026 17:41

I honestly don’t understand the whole concept of asking for permission.