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Original poster

How to overcome using childcare as coercive control.

108 replies

Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 15:39

Single mum to SEN child 7yo
dad piece of shit refusing to watch child so I can do anything

school holidays
I’m drowning
my mum asked me to the theatre tonight. he’s kicked off spat his dummy out and gone home leaving child here. Can’t go.
genuinely had enough. When does this get better when will I have a life and friends again

OP posts:
Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 21:04

There is no life to live

OP posts:
Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 21:04

I don’t have a life that’s my point. I can’t go out with colleagues or even start a hobby because I simply don’t have the spare time

i have absolutely no social life whatsoever the only thing I can do is doom scroll for an hour when she’s in bed.

OP posts:
Besidemyselfwithworry · 21/08/2026 21:02

Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 17:59

He lives with his mum. He sees child at mine because that’s what he does.

when does all this stop as I just can’t cope anymore
mymum is only surviving relative and she too is the opinion that she won’t babysit unless it’s for work. I work 2 days a week.

I regret having children I really really do

To be honest I would just live your life and ignore him and don’t rely on him for anything. If he emigrated or died you wouldn’t have him and lots of people solo parent with no contact from the fathers at all - afew of my friends buddy up and help each other out too, you just need to find what works for you without stressing out about him.

Parcelpass · 21/08/2026 21:02

Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 21:00

He just doesn’t want to he’s lazy and also he is using this to just get at me and make sure I don’t go anywhere or do anything

we was together 7 years and I didn’t go out once during that time without my child
he said he shows me love and all he gets off me is abuse

I would apply to family mediation and start the court process.

Parcelpass · 21/08/2026 21:00

Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 20:59

He gives me £200 a month but I have her 24/7 and have to pay my mum £100 out of that for child care for the 2 days

Is this a private arrangement or done through cms? As he could be under paying you.

Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 21:00

He just doesn’t want to he’s lazy and also he is using this to just get at me and make sure I don’t go anywhere or do anything

we was together 7 years and I didn’t go out once during that time without my child
he said he shows me love and all he gets off me is abuse

OP posts:
Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 20:59

He gives me £200 a month but I have her 24/7 and have to pay my mum £100 out of that for child care for the 2 days

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Gardenisablooming · 21/08/2026 20:58

Sadly nobody can force him to parent.
Do you claim cms ?.
Seek out a reputable babysitter. Even the odd hour so you can recharge in a park /cafe alone.

Parcelpass · 21/08/2026 20:58

No court can't force, no. However it depends on the type of issues you have. Mediation is optional for the other party then you get given a C100 form to apply to courts.

Is he actually capable of looking after his child and just being lazy? Or is he just not bothered about the welfare of his own child?

ChickenBananaBanana · 21/08/2026 20:58

Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 20:56

Can mediation force em to see their kids properly

No, unfortunately.

Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 20:56

Can mediation force em to see their kids properly

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Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 20:56

My child’s sleep isn’t great atm w the holidays so I’m just exhausted. My mum wanted a break for the majority of the hols so I’ve used my annual leave up.

its just never ending
i I have to use my annual leave up for the 6 weeks to give my mum the break for child care I wfh the remaining 3 days a week so I’m working when child is in school then cleaning tidying etc sorting house out doin activities I have t done anything for me since she was born

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Parcelpass · 21/08/2026 20:55

Does your ex have a job? Try mediation and failing that family courts.

Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 20:53

No friends was isolated in our relationship so lost them all. Don’t have any spare time for hobbies. Life is just work. Parent. Clean.

im so so depressed.

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AllJoyAndNoFun · 21/08/2026 18:36

I would start by not allowing him contact at your house. If he wants to see his child, he has to do it elsewhere. At least then you get the house to yourself for a bit. He’ll probably stop seeing the child as a result but in a way that makes things easier as you’re also then not seeing him/ subject to his whims.

babyproblems · 21/08/2026 18:34

do you have any good friends who could help with an hour or two of childcare for you? I’d do this happily for a friend in need xx

babyproblems · 21/08/2026 18:33

Big hug for you op.
It will get better. Make yourself a cup of tea and do something nice just for yourself tonight xxx

DontBuyAnotherBook · 21/08/2026 18:32

Flamingojune · 21/08/2026 15:54

Can u cut him out by paying for babysitters

Babysitter might not be able to manage an SEN child.

PlumPlumb · 21/08/2026 18:30

Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 17:59

He lives with his mum. He sees child at mine because that’s what he does.

when does all this stop as I just can’t cope anymore
mymum is only surviving relative and she too is the opinion that she won’t babysit unless it’s for work. I work 2 days a week.

I regret having children I really really do

Does his mum not want any relationship with her grandchild?

Nearly back to school OP - would you qualify for any respite from the local authority longer term?

Pistachiocake · 21/08/2026 18:30

I'm not sure I'd leave my child with him, from what you say.

Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 17:59

He lives with his mum. He sees child at mine because that’s what he does.

when does all this stop as I just can’t cope anymore
mymum is only surviving relative and she too is the opinion that she won’t babysit unless it’s for work. I work 2 days a week.

I regret having children I really really do

OP posts:
Shatteredallthetimelately · 21/08/2026 17:54

Does your ex not have a place of his own where he looks after his DC, he always comes to your house?

Edited to add....
He must have if hes "gone home".

So why does he come to your place?

Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 16:32

I just honestly don’t see the point in this life anymore. I can’t even go and pick my prescription up from the pharmacy by myself. Please can someone just tell me it gets better. I’m so overstimulated all of the time

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Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 16:32

I’ve had to pay my mum for the ticket.

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Original poster
Emotionstorn · 21/08/2026 16:31

He doesn’t have child outside of for maybe 2 hours a week.

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