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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse extra in-laws and children at our wedding?

38 replies

Stuclandconfused · 21/08/2026 14:24

Getting married in four weeks.

Brother1’s and Sister’s kids are bridesmaids, apart from our son, they are only kids. Partner doesn’t have nieces or nephews.

My dad gave us £10,000 with no strings but asked if we could invite siblings’ in-laws so they could see grandkids in their finery.

No problem!

NOW MiL wants partner’s brother’s in-laws invited in case they think we’re homophobic. We’re not!

AND Brother2’s partner of 15 months wants her parents and her two kids invited, two kids I have met twice.

We’re saying no to both!

6 extra that we don’t know and two kids at our child free ish wedding. These kids have their own father.

Brother2 not even living with her.

OP posts:
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viques · 08/09/2026 22:11

Sibling in laws can invite the children and their parents out for a meal and they can rewear their finery. Wedding clothes don’t go whoosh and disappear the moment the wedding is over.

Ilovemyfam · 23/08/2026 12:58

Indianajet · 21/08/2026 14:59

Weddings these days seem to cause nothing but arguments!

They always have tbf. It is just that now with so much sharing on social media more people find out about it.

Original poster
Stuclandconfused · 23/08/2026 12:57

No brother and her have separate houses. Her kids are still kids.

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 23/08/2026 12:56

Stuclandconfused · 21/08/2026 14:43

No I am defending my dad. No stings at all. He gave it to me and then months later asked and even offered additional money.

Brother2 lives half the time with her but not her kids. They each have own house.

She is invited as his plus 1.

Oh her kids are grown up?
That's different, then.

But i agree it doesnt seem right for sibling partners to be invited on one side but not the other.

Original poster
Stuclandconfused · 23/08/2026 12:51

We will stand firm on DP’s BiL’s parents. We have met them once.

There is a development with my brother’s partner. She seems to have accepted we are not inviting her parents but intends leaving after the meal to go and get her kids for the evening. She said to my dad that I wouldn’t dare say anything.

Well I would and did. I told my brother that we weee not having additional guests in the evening and certainly no extra kids.

I haven’t heard the outcome yet.

I have met one of them twice and once three times in passing.

She seemed incredibly nice up until now.

OP posts:
Pistachiocake · 21/08/2026 19:24

Say they're welcome (the adults) if MIL/whoever pays for them. This way she can't feel your dad is being treated better, or worry you're homophobic. The kids thing, well some people won't come if tey can't bring kids, and that is their right, just as it's yours to not have kids there.

thisismeithinkorisit · 21/08/2026 19:22

Stuclandconfused · 21/08/2026 18:36

All of our siblings and their partners, including the one who has only been around for 15 months are invited.

The in-laws of my two eldest siblings are also invited to the whole day in order to see their grandchildren, my nieces who are in the wedding.

As well as Brother2’s partner wanting her parents and kids invited my MiL now wants her eldest son’s in-laws invited.

We have said no!

I do think your logic is weird tho. Why do they need to come to the whoek day to see their grandkids walk down an aisle in a nice frock? What's the price per head to pay for them to come just to look at the kids for 5 minutes?

thisismeithinkorisit · 21/08/2026 19:21

Stuclandconfused · 21/08/2026 14:35

They are not randomers. I have met them reasonably often and their grandkids are attendants.

Brother2’s partner. I hardly know her let alone her parents. I have never met the parents.

I think you should invite the kids, they're basically your nieces and nephews.

But your brother in laws parents so they know you aren't homophobic doesn't make sense. Who is gay - BIL or his parents? Surely BIL and his partner are invited together thus proving a lack of homophobia, why do his parents need to witness it?

Original poster
Stuclandconfused · 21/08/2026 18:36

All of our siblings and their partners, including the one who has only been around for 15 months are invited.

The in-laws of my two eldest siblings are also invited to the whole day in order to see their grandchildren, my nieces who are in the wedding.

As well as Brother2’s partner wanting her parents and kids invited my MiL now wants her eldest son’s in-laws invited.

We have said no!

OP posts:
Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 21/08/2026 17:51

MellowSubmarine · 21/08/2026 14:36

Sorry, have I got this right, a woman who has been dating her boyfriend for 15 months would like her parents to be invited to her boyfriend’s sibling’s wedding?
On what planet is that a normal expectation?

This, among other random distant rellies, is what i got pressured into. Tbf, bil married gf and they asked my parents too. It was the mardy arsed grand son of a distant auntie that boiled my piss.(she was looking after him over the summer and im sure he wont be any trouble. My arse)

nrp2 · 21/08/2026 16:57

I'm confused - is the first lot of people your MIL wants inviting your own partners brother in law? 😅

SpinningThePlates247 · 21/08/2026 16:28

I thought inviting the sibling’s in-laws was odd but you’ve explained this. However it’s now going beyond odd to very weird. What’s wrong with them all?

You need to take control and just say no, all invites have already been sent to those you’d like to invite. There’s no more invites.

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 21/08/2026 15:38

I don’t get the obsession with ‘fairness’ that some people have, I see it on mumsnet a lot. You saw your mum on the day the baby was born so YABU to not see MIL until the following day. You called your baby after your grandad so YABU to not have included his paternal grandad etc etc

It is your wedding, invite who you want, if people tell you it’s not fair just tell them you’re not a judge, you don’t have to be fair and move on

Fedupofthisgame · 21/08/2026 15:32

I was a maid of honour at my best friends wedding. My nan wanted to see me all doled up so she came to the church to see us all go in. I even had a photo with her. Everyone happy. No one needed a personal invite to the whole shebang.

ACynicalDad · 21/08/2026 15:18

I don't quite get how the BILs are related, but presuming they aren't the siblings of the bride/groom no need and they are very unlikely to expect an invite and see it as a homophobic snub.

MellowSubmarine · 21/08/2026 15:12

Loulou4022 · 21/08/2026 14:59

My brother has been with his partner 10
years and they have a child together and I didn’t invite her parents to my wedding! It all sounds absolutely ridiculous!!

Show quote history

Yes I’d never expect my parents to be invited to BIL’s wedding even though I’ve been with DH 10 years and have two children. Inviting siblings’ in laws is not a general norm I don’t think. But at least in that scenario this woman would have a basis for her expectation, since the other brother’s in laws are invited. (Not that I think she could demand it, but just a general sense of “oh I assumed that they were inviting their sibling’s in laws so that would include my parents”)
But 15 months is just a completely bizarre.

SweetnsourNZ · 21/08/2026 15:07

Supportbritishfarmers · 21/08/2026 14:35

If it's a church wedding it's an open invitation anyway, so I don't see the harm. Inviting randomers though suggests a paid for place at the reception table - absolutely not!

True. I got married in church and one of Dh's groomsmen's mothers turned up with his 2 little sisters as they wanted to watch. We didn't mind. There was also a few other random too like mils church friends.
Not a problem but of course they stay in the background.

Indianajet · 21/08/2026 14:59

Weddings these days seem to cause nothing but arguments!

Loulou4022 · 21/08/2026 14:59

MellowSubmarine · 21/08/2026 14:36

Sorry, have I got this right, a woman who has been dating her boyfriend for 15 months would like her parents to be invited to her boyfriend’s sibling’s wedding?
On what planet is that a normal expectation?

My brother has been with his partner 10
years and they have a child together and I didn’t invite her parents to my wedding! It all sounds absolutely ridiculous!!

Loulou4022 · 21/08/2026 14:56

Surely 4 weeks before is too late for extras anyway? We had to give our final numbers 6 weeks before! Plus the cost for 6 random
extras!!
Even without the last minute numbers for the venue people are being ridiculous expecting to invite extras! Why on earth would you want people at your wedding whom you’ve never met or don’t really have a relationship with!!
I’d say invite them to the evening do if you have spare capacity but I certainly wouldn’t be inviting them to the day do!!

Tryingtobenormal124 · 21/08/2026 14:50

Stuclandconfused · 21/08/2026 14:43

No I am defending my dad. No stings at all. He gave it to me and then months later asked and even offered additional money.

Brother2 lives half the time with her but not her kids. They each have own house.

She is invited as his plus 1.

Thats like the way it should be. Mad to think she should have her parents and kids there! Stick to your guns.

merryredfly · 21/08/2026 14:45

Your wedding, your choice 🙂

Original poster
Stuclandconfused · 21/08/2026 14:43

No I am defending my dad. No stings at all. He gave it to me and then months later asked and even offered additional money.

Brother2 lives half the time with her but not her kids. They each have own house.

She is invited as his plus 1.

OP posts:
IPM · 21/08/2026 14:40

Madamefroufrou · 21/08/2026 14:39

the money wasn’t “no strings” at all! come one, come all - this is why couples elope

I was going to ask if her dad was a piano 😁

Madamefroufrou · 21/08/2026 14:39

the money wasn’t “no strings” at all! come one, come all - this is why couples elope

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