AIBU to expect my sister to accept my fourth pregnancy when she is child free not by choice ?

This situation doesn’t sit in that definition either.

The OP has explained that she doesn't mean she should be happy to have neices and nephews as a consolation prize, but should be happy for her sisters having their children rather than actively wishing that they didn't.

I mean, you can all focus on that. Or you can look at the rest of the posts and realise that this is not just about the sister's lack of children. It doesn't sound like she's ever going to be happy for the OP or for anyone else.

This is exactly what close sisters or close friends do. Vent their inner feeling and thoughts to each other, but have the social graces not to say those things out loud to others, particularly where it will be hurtful. It is a really good way to manage your emotions in a safe space. I’m sorry you’ve never had someone you can do that with. It seems neither has she, she just didn’t know it.

This is where you lose me. This is either some kind of goady post, or you are monumentally crass, ill informed and callous.

Nieces and nephews are not a consolation for your sister being unable to have children. It sounds like she is right to walk away of this is your attitude.

I assume she's bothered because her sister is being extremely nasty to her.

The inability to have a child when you would like one due to circumstance, rather than any medical issue is often described as social infertility.

OP, you are not close to your sister.
She doesn't like you and sounds very nasty.
She made bad choices in her life and begrudges yours.

Your mother supporting her views is worse.
I think you need to completely step away from your sister, as she is poison in your life.

Also restrict how much you see your mother who encourages her.

Stop accepting such nastiness from your family.
Focus on your own family.
God knows how badly she speaks about you behind your back, because she is vicious to your face.

Do NOT ask her to be godmother either.

Her sister isn’t infertile

Hope husband has a good enough job to pay for the kids.

Why are you bothered? At the end of the day you have children and she doesn't. You can never understand what infertility feels like so give up trying.

no ones pain is bigger than another’s. Op will have definitely had their own raft of emotional losses just by dint of the fact they’re on earth with other people. The sister is being spiteful. Thats the problem. And there is no room for that in safe relationships. Chances are the sister is spiteful about other things she feels disappointed about.

Do you really want her in your life? She sounds toxic.

Sure, she’s allowed to be sad. But she is also being nasty to the op. Sadness does not justify nastiness.

Yeah this basically. You’ve said you understand that she’s hurting but the very fact you’ve conceived so many children so easily means you don’t understand at all.

I say this as someone who took six years and spent £30k trying to get pregnant. It’s a pain that you cannot describe and nobody who hasn’t been through it will ever get it.

Youre allowed to be happy, she’s allowed to be sad.

You surely can’t be this naive? I had a bloody awful year when SIL was pregnant and first had DN before we finally managed to conceive DS. And yes, she should have left the ex years ago, but it’s too late now and she is probably mired in misery. It was bad enough for me and I was 32.

It’s not just the longing for a child, it’s also the sheer rage I felt at everyone who made (un)helpful suggestions and were clearly pitying me. Having a niece in NO WAY compensated for not having my own child.

I experienced grief and I don't say that lightly - but I didn't take it out on others. However, I did try to avoid situations that I found difficult.

Obviously you can't be expected not to have another baby because it is insensitive-and it is, very,
By the same token you cannot expect your sister not to be upset and bitter, which may extend to resenting your children- there is nothing you can do about that, you have to just accept it, the same as your sister has to accept she will never have a child.
Bringing up that she has been less lucky with parners will definitely not help either- you have to suck it up, see a lot less of your sister and try to seem less smug when you do.

Whilst it wasn't infertility, I am the bereaved mother of my very loved twins - stillbirth and NICU death the week of their birth. I had no living children to go home to the day i walked out of the hospital with my husband holding their tiny coffin. Everyone around me was pregnant especially my lovely SIL's. We all got married at the same time and pregnant within months of each other, but sadly my babies passed away. I felt absolute despair when their lovely babies were born , it didnt mean I hated them, if course not, but I was so broken from my own grief, burrying my children, coming home to a house full of their things but not them.

It took time and I did eventually bring home my baby. Infertility is a loss too, it can be an invisible one. All I can say is when you want that baby so much, you cant think straight. I'm sorry she has been unkind but I would cut her some slack. My twins are almost three years gone now. There isn't a day i dont think about them or try to hold back the tears. This is a grief for her. Congrats on your pregnancy and honestly, she needs space and time, as do you xx

YANBU. It’s heartbreaking for your sister but she can keep her distance for a while. You’re not obliged to limit your family for her sake, and it wouldn’t make any difference to her fertility anyway!

I’m so bored of the prevailing narrative that we have to pussyfoot around others all the time, or hide what’s happening to us so others don’t feel sad.

Of course, don’t rub it in her face, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

So you think it’s reasonable that the sister should be abusive to the op because her ex had children with someone else?

Her being in pain does not give her the right to blame others for her situation and the decisions she herself made.

It's not a Top Trumps of pain. Her pain at not having children has not been caused by the OP. The OP has done nothing unreasonable. However, the sister has deliberately set out to cause pain to the op and that is inexcusable.

Nobody can truly understand what another person is going through as we all react and feel differently to similar circumstances. That pain the sister has does not justify cruelty to the op.

And no, the op is not making her sister's life more difficult any more than someone without a long term illness is making the life of someone with a long term illness more difficult. Obviously the op should be tactful (it sounds like she is) in the same way one would be with someone with an illness that limits them in some way but beyond that she should live her life as she chooses.

You say that you don't think her comments are ok but yet you spend the entire post excusing the sister's behaviour. The vast majority of people suffering infertility/long term illness etc manage to go through life without blaming others for their grief. Yes, they may feel jealous, feel that it is unfair, feel life is crap but they know others are not to blame so while they may need to withdraw for a time, they don't take their upset out on innocent bystanders.

To be honest it sounds like (obvioiusly just with the information posted here), it's the OP who could do with some therapy. The comments about being greedy and insensitive for getting pregnant might be the thing that has given the OP a sliver of light amongst what I think is the FOG she's probably always been in with her big sister. She's starting to wonder if the sister makes similar comments about her behind her back to the comments she makes about her friends behind their backs... and she's probably right to do so. As said before, the OP would be wise to distance herself. The sister lashes out from a place of misery, the OP can hopefully hold some compassion for that, all the while being sure to protec her own wellbeing.

This is what I alluded to in my previous comment .

Instead of embracing the dns the sister already has , it sounds like she is willing to estrange herself due to her turmoil over not having dc of her own .

The children shouldn't suffer .

Her hurt is completely understandable but she shouldn’t punish you for her decisions and the consequences of them, or ruin what should be a happy time for you. I’m sure she has others in her life she could moan about you too so it feels like she’s actively chosen to lash out at you to make herself better. From your other comments though that’s been an ongoing pattern of behaviour from her so not surprising.