AIBU to reconsider France wedding trip after finding children excluded?

YANBU to now decline. You shouldn't have planned to take children in KS2 out of school for it in the first place - I'm surprised that someone who works in education would do this. Will you still go without the rest of your family?

I would use this as an excuse not to go. It wouldn’t be my cup of tea at all. Second wedding? No, thanks, one is enough for guests. A 4 hour meal? Intolerable.

I agree.

It will be cheaper and far less hassle too.

Exactly. The wedding bit is over.
you’re taking them out of school for a party? I wouldn’t have done that in the first place. Also I don’t know a single person who uses babysitters abroad, people who are strangers to your kids and yourself. I think that’s extremely irresponsible too. My dc age 10 would not be happy to be left with a stranger and neither would I!

Is the meal the only thing, or just a part?

It all sounds a bit mad. As people have said, it's not a wedding, it's a big party. I'd be quite pissed off that they've planned this for a school day when they've just had the whole of the summer holidays which would have been much more convenient. Absolutely either go on your own or don't go at all.

They are invited, but the brother didn't tell OP that they are only invited to be looked after by a baby sitter. She only knows that now they have been given the full details

If they could have fun with the babysitter then I’d do that, if they’d struggle then I wouldn’t bother. 4 hour meal sounds miserable for adults nether mind kids

no I definitely wouldn’t take the children out of school in the circumstances you describe and I’m very relaxed I’m taking mine out for a football match in October. Your children aren’t small babies so I’d be annoyed that they aren’t invited to the meal. I wouldn’t have them missing school to attend an event where they aren’t particularly welcome.

I also think OP should go alone. My friend has just been to France for her dad’s 70th birthday party. Her DH stayed home with the kids.

It's not ready exceptional circumstances as it's not the wedding, rather, a belated party to celebrate the wedding. Is your leave paid or unpaid? Because pay is often term time only, but paid over 12 months, losing a whole day (or more) from your monthly pay will seem high. Personally, I would decline the invitation.

It’s just a self indulgent party abroad almost two years later.

I’ve got no issue with children not being invited to things, but to invite them abroad but not to all of it and then expect you to then pay for childcare is taking the piss. Just go yourself, it’s not worth them missing school or the hassle.

I wouldn't go at all. Apart from anything else your brother arranged it for a time when he knows it would be difficult for you to attend presumably he knows you work in education and that your children are in school. It sounds as though he isn't that concerned about you attending.
Just say sorry but it won't be possible for you to attend..

I would all go as planned. 10 and 8 year old will enjoy the experience of a French babysitter. Nip out to check on them. Treat it like a wedding.

Or I would decline and all stay home because you already attended the actual wedding last year.

He's already married. No way would I take leave in exceptional circumstances (it isn't) to attend a party months after the actual wedding. Go to work and keep your kids in school

Oops sorry just re-read your post and you are proposing that you go and leave kids with DH. If that's your instinct now then I would definitely go with that plan.

I'd also definitely strongly consider going without DH and kids. In fact that's probably what I would have done in the first place rather than taking them out of school. But I think all choices are OK.

It’s not a wedding, it’s a party. In term time.

No, I wouldn’t attend.

Well it's up to you. But provided that good childcare is arranged for you or easy to arrange, then personally I'd still be happy to go. Presumably it will still be a nice family weekend, even if the kids are elsewhere for 4 hours. At 8 and 10 they should be fine with that.

Yes, it seems a bit misjudged.

Why don’t you go to France alone and leave DC alone with the DH at home?

I would decline or possibly go alone, I certainly wouldn’t be taking the children to be babysat by someone unknown to me.

I think you must have over stated the situation to your school if you got exceptional leave. Just inform the HT that you were mistaken about the invitation, thank them for the exceptional leave, but you won't need it now. Don't go.

Expecting anyone to travel abroad for a party is incredibly entitled, just decline, it's not a wedding.

Same. Too much expense and expectation from them for a meal and drinks abroad. No thanks!