AIBU to expect acceptance when DH declines niece's wedding abroad?

Absolutely not. Them trying to conceive is no one’s else’s business.
MIL sounds a pain. If you have a wedding abroad then you have to accept that some people won’t go.
Most people have their weddings abroad because they can have the wedding they want without having to pay the same prices as here. It just transfers the costs to the guests. CFs.

I think the groom should also not be invited, after all he isn't family, just someone who wants to marry in.

This!

They are not only snubbing their DS' s wife of many years but also 2 of their own grandchildren!

Batshit behaviour by the MIL glad your DH has taken a stand in favour of his own family. She needs telling "no" for once.

Had a similar mother and these types are a nightmare and will try every trick in the book to make your DH back down. Hope he doesn't.

I assume FIL is also not invited as he didn’t come out of MILs vagina either?

why does she think her relationship with her grown up children should ever be prioritised over her children’s relationship with their own little children?

She’s kind of a self absorbed cow, .

Your DH needs to tell his narc Mum that you and the kids are his family, and his priority.
How fucking rude are they!!

pregnancy should not stop him going nor should a newborn really - he doesn’t need to stay 5 days 2 should do it but he might like 5?

ok for parents to pay but shitty it feels like excluding you

So for niece's wedding, she isn't inviting cousins or aunts / uncles who have married into the family.

That's fine. Weird not to include spouse of uncles / aunts but not inviting cousins (particularly if many or they aren't close) is not that weird.

Have you spoken to the Niece?

Very true! Or even the niece as well cause she’s only a grandchild like the OP’s children. Mil is batshit crazy on this one!!

What if OP is giving birth then.

I’m projecting my own experience onto this but you can’t live life thinking ‘what if I’m pregnant’. You’ve no idea how long it’ll take to get pregnant. We’re 3 years in and still no baby so if we’d done that we’d have missed so much. If you do get pregnant and it clashes - that’s when you deal with it.

Well I don't see why niece is even invited, she's equally related to MIL as OPs kids who apparently aren't real family.

Based purely on what you’ve written, they sound bizarre and unpleasant.

I’m glad your DH has declined, and I would massively pull back on future contact.

WHY do people get married abroad? Unless one of them comes from another country and has close relatives living there. Life is expensive, why spend the money on an expensive wedding?

No one has a right to commandeer someone else's annual leave and it's beyond rude to not invite a spouse to a family wedding. In your shoes I would decline to spend any time with mil, so no Christmases, etc. If you aren't family enough to attend family events, then you don't owe it to her to accommodate what she does want.

I have a bit of sympathy on the nok thing - a mother literally creates a child with her own body and I think that when it comes to decisions such as turning off life support there's a case to be made that a mum has a right to a say.

But she's way out of line on everything else.

I wouldn’t be happy with my DH booking to be away for even just 2 days if it was anywhere near my due date. Plus we don’t know how far away the wedding is, 2 days might not be feasible if it’s long haul. Anyway, if DH doesn’t want to go to this wedding then that’s all the reason he needs.

She’s telling you clearly that you and her dgc are not family.

I wonder if her dc and their father were excluded from family events by dh’s grandparents?
Give her a family tree for Christmas 😂

Good on your Dh for standing up for himself and his family.

Does she object to their presence there too? Because this MIL does.

I've read your updates and it's one of the craziest things I've read on this forum!

You've been together all these years, have children and still not even invited. If neither of you were invited it would be easier to comprehend

My family can be like this. Don't allow partners/spouses at Christmas because 'family only'.

Family dynamic means they're not going to be happy with you both. You can't change them, only how you react and let them affect you. Why are you in contact with them when they treat you all badly? Your kids will see how differently they are treated as they get older.

Honestly I'd take it as an opportunity to take a big step back. They're saying other wives etc are OK with it - he needs to state he has a problem with it. Not you. He is hurt his family are being excluded, not just from this event but that this is a pattern showing they don't consider you and their own grandkids family and he's done with it. He is not going, that is final. He will hear no more of it. Tell them if they try guilt trip him on the phone he hangs up, end of conversation. They try in person he leaves. Like a toddler, immediate consequence. They can stop asking, have significantly reduced contact with you all or start behaving better (by far least likely).

What about the bride’s father, is he invited, he’s not family either according to MIL?

Ha! Love this!!

When you get married, your family priorities are your DH/DW and children. Yes, you still have parents, sibling, and neices. But your priority is the family you live with and support. Your DH's priority should be you - not his neice.

Wow what an evil POS your MIL is. Together 15yrs, married 10 and 2 DC and you're not considered family. Horrendous too that she thinks having her own GC there will 'ruin it'. Good on your DH for declining to go. He can go further by putting her in her place when she says nonsense about being his equal NOK, by being clear that no, she's not.

Is your SIL divorced?

Because the Father of the Bride is also being excluded by your batshit MIL way of thinking!