AIBU to expect acceptance when DH declines niece's wedding abroad?

pregnancy should not stop him going nor should a newborn really - he doesn’t need to stay 5 days 2 should do it but he might like 5?

ok for parents to pay but shitty it feels like excluding you

Your DH needs to tell his narc Mum that you and the kids are his family, and his priority.
How fucking rude are they!!

I assume FIL is also not invited as he didn’t come out of MILs vagina either?

why does she think her relationship with her grown up children should ever be prioritised over her children’s relationship with their own little children?

She’s kind of a self absorbed cow, .

This!

They are not only snubbing their DS' s wife of many years but also 2 of their own grandchildren!

Batshit behaviour by the MIL glad your DH has taken a stand in favour of his own family. She needs telling "no" for once.

Had a similar mother and these types are a nightmare and will try every trick in the book to make your DH back down. Hope he doesn't.

I think the groom should also not be invited, after all he isn't family, just someone who wants to marry in.

Absolutely not. Them trying to conceive is no one’s else’s business.
MIL sounds a pain. If you have a wedding abroad then you have to accept that some people won’t go.
Most people have their weddings abroad because they can have the wedding they want without having to pay the same prices as here. It just transfers the costs to the guests. CFs.

MIL has 5 children so very costly to pay for spouses and their kids. I see her point.

In that case it's quite cheeky of them if you're not even invited. If he would rather not go he doesn't have to.

But it would be normal for his wife and children to be invited. (Unless it’s a child free wedding)

She says the other wives/partners "understand?"
Nah, more like they've got the full measure of her and would rather chew their own arms off than go.

So basically your niece is getting married and only your dh has been invited, not you or yours and dhs dc?

Yeah my husband wouldn’t want to go either .

You're mother in law sounds like she's so self absorbed. I can't get over excluding other halves and grandchildren (if old enough) to attend a family funeral- how controlling and self obsessed is she. She's extremely controlling and I'm suprised the family hasn't fallen apart before now.

Good luck OP with ttc 🥰

But no one needs a reason. That way, there's little need for anyone to ruminate on whether other people's motivation seems strange or not.

I don’t see an issue with paying for just him. Wanting him there for a specific role.

And MN is always very hot on you can invite who you like to things.

However it’s absolutely anyone’s right to decline an invite. It should be that rather than a summons.

And whilst I wouldn’t judge a DH/P going to a family event or stag do etc and leaving the DW/P at home it’s also good to see one who will decline because they don’t neat to leave their family - or in your case it’s not the right time.

I think all you can do in this situation is OP is support your DH whilst he deals with the backlash. He doesn’t owe them an explanation about his sex life and TTC - actually he doesn’t owe them any explanation beyond it doesn’t work for him.

They sound awful and very controlling. Sounds similar to how I've been treated by in-laws and husbands siblings. Together 22 years, married for almost 17, a child and I'm still not part of the family apparently 🙄 my DH has actually gone no contact now for this reason because he's sick of how they treat me and he has told them we come as a package or not at all. Tbh life is much easier and peaceful without them in it! I'm not suggesting this for yourselves, as it's a big decision (and one my DH made alone, I had no influence and was pretty shocked when he told me that's what he decided ), I'm just giving my own experience of in-laws and for you to know your not alone, it does happen.
Good for your DH sticking by you and sticking to his guns by not going, don't let them control either of you.

This. Nice to see he has his priorities straight

Your MIL is bonkers (plus rude, controlling and obnoxious). Give the whole thing zero head space and distance yourself from her craziness

We have two sons. One has a wife, one a partner. They are both equally part of our family as are their children.

You only gave mil's word all the others are fine with her demands.

Sweetjesus I’ve never heard of such a thing. The sooner this woman is put in her place the better. How dare she?

She does not view her son's children as her family?
Fuck not going to the wedding, I would be out of her life for good if my mum told me my children didnt qualify as family.

This is what happens with destination weddings, unfortunately.

The bride and groom can host their celebrations where they like. What is not acceptable is for them or their parents to kick off because this inevitably means some people won't be able to attend.

It's only a wedding, but these occasions really do show up some people's behaviour in the worst possible light. Not to mention, if DSis is the golden child then in DH's position I'd have absolutely no interest in further enabling this dynamic.

YANBU, OP. Not in any way.

I'd be telling MIL to do one.

If she is such a nasty piece of work that she wants to prioritise one grandchild over all the others, then you will never get through to her.

Sounds like she is desperately trying to keep the dynamic of the 'golden child' going.

Don't expose your dc to her batshittery.

I think you mean ‘burned her bridges’

Well done to your DH for standing up to his mum on this. Your MIL is batshit. Unfortunately my sister is just like your MIL. She tries to run everyone's lives and to her, family is her husband, her two adult DC and their children. Basically the rest of us are just outsiders, including her siblings. I find it very strange but some people are just like this.