AIBU to expect acceptance when DH declines niece's wedding abroad?

That is an instant no I’m not coming all on its own. You and the kids not invited?? No way would a decent husband go.

So even though you've been married years & have 2 kids already, neither you nor the DC's are 'real family'? So you're not invited to weddings/funerals because you're still not considered family?

I'd venture to suggest that nothing on this green earth will ever get her to consider you or your DC as 'real family'...

Evidently HER blood children are superior to her own kids natural born children as they're still not 'real family', so how come her daughters natural born child IS considered 'real family' then??

Your MIL is obviously absolutely batshit OP, and I'd advise you and your H to recognise that fact, as it will continue to impact you both in the future.

I'd have a chat with DH and ensure all medical/legal stuff has you as the Next of Kin, with particular regard to your DH's will.

Your MIL is the kind who'd actually challenge a will and try to disinherit you and your DC, as you're not 'real family' ffs, so make sure any & all paperwork etc is done by a solicitor & inform them of your concerns about MIL trying to exclude/disinherit you & DC, should your DH die before you.

I suspect the other partners are happy to sit this one out purely because the MIL and anyone who agrees with her sound absolutely bonkers and unpleasant, really.

I wouldn’t go to any wedding if my husband wasn’t included. I don’t care if it’s my siblings, I wouldn’t be going. I think it’s incredibly rude to invite someone to celebrate your love and not invite their love too.

I think it’s bonkers that you think that declining a wedding because your wife might be pregnant is unreasonable. I’ll decline a wedding for any reason I want. And it’s a really valid reason to decline anyway. I’m TTC with my wife and we are having to plan ahead next year as if she is pregnant and I promise you there is no one more important than my DW that would mean that I would plan to leave her and go away when she could be heavily pregnant or just given birth

You've been married for over a decade and you're not invited to the wedding of your sister in law... your husband is invited by himself to fulfil his role as 'brother ' and 'son'.

That's unhinged. You are close family...you should all be invited. We'd never go in that circumstance. We come as a unit! (For family weddings at least...bit different if it was a colleague of your DH you didn't know very well etc).

This is a wild take!

Your MIL still thinks “her” family trumps everything and it’s unreasonable to expect all the family to go on a 5 day holiday without their partners and children.

Some women are like this - see also Victoria Beckham.

Is your SIL divorced?

Because the Father of the Bride is also being excluded by your batshit MIL way of thinking!

Wow what an evil POS your MIL is. Together 15yrs, married 10 and 2 DC and you're not considered family. Horrendous too that she thinks having her own GC there will 'ruin it'. Good on your DH for declining to go. He can go further by putting her in her place when she says nonsense about being his equal NOK, by being clear that no, she's not.

When you get married, your family priorities are your DH/DW and children. Yes, you still have parents, sibling, and neices. But your priority is the family you live with and support. Your DH's priority should be you - not his neice.

Ha! Love this!!

What about the bride’s father, is he invited, he’s not family either according to MIL?

My family can be like this. Don't allow partners/spouses at Christmas because 'family only'.

Family dynamic means they're not going to be happy with you both. You can't change them, only how you react and let them affect you. Why are you in contact with them when they treat you all badly? Your kids will see how differently they are treated as they get older.

Honestly I'd take it as an opportunity to take a big step back. They're saying other wives etc are OK with it - he needs to state he has a problem with it. Not you. He is hurt his family are being excluded, not just from this event but that this is a pattern showing they don't consider you and their own grandkids family and he's done with it. He is not going, that is final. He will hear no more of it. Tell them if they try guilt trip him on the phone he hangs up, end of conversation. They try in person he leaves. Like a toddler, immediate consequence. They can stop asking, have significantly reduced contact with you all or start behaving better (by far least likely).

I've read your updates and it's one of the craziest things I've read on this forum!

You've been together all these years, have children and still not even invited. If neither of you were invited it would be easier to comprehend

Does she object to their presence there too? Because this MIL does.

She’s telling you clearly that you and her dgc are not family.

I wonder if her dc and their father were excluded from family events by dh’s grandparents?
Give her a family tree for Christmas 😂

Good on your Dh for standing up for himself and his family.

I wouldn’t be happy with my DH booking to be away for even just 2 days if it was anywhere near my due date. Plus we don’t know how far away the wedding is, 2 days might not be feasible if it’s long haul. Anyway, if DH doesn’t want to go to this wedding then that’s all the reason he needs.

No one has a right to commandeer someone else's annual leave and it's beyond rude to not invite a spouse to a family wedding. In your shoes I would decline to spend any time with mil, so no Christmases, etc. If you aren't family enough to attend family events, then you don't owe it to her to accommodate what she does want.

I have a bit of sympathy on the nok thing - a mother literally creates a child with her own body and I think that when it comes to decisions such as turning off life support there's a case to be made that a mum has a right to a say.

But she's way out of line on everything else.

WHY do people get married abroad? Unless one of them comes from another country and has close relatives living there. Life is expensive, why spend the money on an expensive wedding?

Based purely on what you’ve written, they sound bizarre and unpleasant.

I’m glad your DH has declined, and I would massively pull back on future contact.

Well I don't see why niece is even invited, she's equally related to MIL as OPs kids who apparently aren't real family.

I’m projecting my own experience onto this but you can’t live life thinking ‘what if I’m pregnant’. You’ve no idea how long it’ll take to get pregnant. We’re 3 years in and still no baby so if we’d done that we’d have missed so much. If you do get pregnant and it clashes - that’s when you deal with it.

What if OP is giving birth then.

Very true! Or even the niece as well cause she’s only a grandchild like the OP’s children. Mil is batshit crazy on this one!!

So for niece's wedding, she isn't inviting cousins or aunts / uncles who have married into the family.

That's fine. Weird not to include spouse of uncles / aunts but not inviting cousins (particularly if many or they aren't close) is not that weird.

Have you spoken to the Niece?