AIBU to expect acceptance when DH declines niece's wedding abroad?

I’m surprised the niece’s groom is invited….

I don't think it's necessarily rude when no partners or kids are invited.

Is the niece even bothered about them being there & the no partners/no kids/mil pays is the compromise?

Wow your MIL is batshit. How hurtful, and it would colour my view of them. I wouldn't want to spend time with them tbh

I bet your MIL either wore black or bridal white to your own wedding!

I recommend reading the other posts. The MIL is unhinged. OP has been married for 10 years and they have two DC already. The DC are also not invited because they would distract from his 'family duties'.

Because he doesn’t want to. Lots of people love their wives and children and don’t want to leave them

Every time he speaks to his mum, he just needs to say 'mum, they ARE my family' and then decline again.

Your MIL seems to have forgotten he also has children and wants to spend time, energy and money on his own family!

I think your husband is doing the right thing and should stick to his guns. This ridiculous only MIL's family is actual family when you all have families of your own has to stop.

talking in such a way about the dc ‘well of course if THEY are there it’ll ruin it and you won’t have time for anyone else’ and things like that just rude

Whilst the words are a bit rude, the concept is understandable. Is it a child free wedding? Were the definitely the words used? I know I've said about my own children when they were little that it's best they don't go to x wedding because it'll cause more hassle than it's worth. Might just as well not go.

I think the thread would have gone differently if you'd opened with this. Bloody hell. Not invited? Fuck that.

He is right to decline. What a rude invite to exclude his wife and children. No class.

If marrying into the family means you are second tier and not invited then by her own logic she shouldn't be there!

Because if I’m pregnant or have a newborn (wedding is June)

Unless the wedding is within a couple of weeks of your due date I can't see why he wouldn't go. It's really unlikely. You're not even pregnant yet. It sometimes takes longer than you expect. You can't turn down an important family event on a 'what if' Surely he can go on his own. He can say he's going and then in the unlikely event of you becoming pregnant with a due date falling in the middle of the wedding then nobody would blame him for dropping out. Won't happen though.

They are weird. I hope your DH continues to stand his ground.

If mother-in-law only wants direct line descendants attending the wedding, is the potential groom allowed to be there?

I think it sounds like they are trying to have a small wedding ...is that why no partners?

MIL/FIL are offering to pay but only for dh flight and hotel

Well he's the only one invited so that's why I should think!

If he's not willing to go without you & the kids then it's immaterial that you are ttc.

If he really wanted to go I might think about delaying the ttc/him going for less than 5days.

He really needs to explain to her that "his family" is his wife and kids. Then his parent and siblings, then their children. When people say "how's the family" they're not asking about his niece, they're asking about his own kids. His family home is the one that his wife and children live in.

Even if you and the kids were invited I wouldn't go, it's alot of money to commit to something you're hoping/planning to have to miss. You could say you'll have to wait until nearer the time to make a decision.

But I wouldn't go on a 5 day family holiday without my husband and kids.

You arent my family unless you've come out of (or into...) My vagina is so weird its bordering on creepy.

My Grandad used to say he was only paying for “blood” and not “hangers on” at family events 😂. Hangers on being those who married in. We thought this was pretty shocking at the time but your MIL puts him to shame OP! At least Grandad invited everyone!

Why would they exclude you ? Is it a money issue ? If say I can go but I will be bringing my wife cos she is my family

Your MIL has main character syndrome! Of course your husband should prioritise his own family, why on earth wouldn't he.
Just because the other wives are ok with this bizarre setup (are they really?) doesn't mean you and your husband have to be.

It sounds like you and your DH have have gone along with it for a while to be reasonable which I understand . What you now are experiencing it the pushback when for once and for good reason you cant just jog along with the bonkers ways.

This is when you see how compltaely un-F*u%king reasonable they are and how batshit crazy your MIL and FIL are. MN was my life line when this all kicked off for us. It was strangley heart warming to know we were not the only ones.

We did not go no contact or greyrock lol but we did find "No" and it was liberating. Dont give in it will get worse but it will be better in the end!!

Are your DC MIL’s grandchildren? Utterly bizarre attitude if so.

Anyway, I think the TTC part it a bit irrelevant because you/he could always bail later if the due dates made it impossible. It’s very unreasonable to demand that he leaves his wife with two young kids for five days for a family wedding that - at the very least - you as wife should be invited to.

Are other children and/or spouses coming or is it a micro wedding with literally just parents and siblings?

If you didn’t invite your child’s partner to family weddings then you’d be lucky to see your child again if they are a decent person who values their spouse, so them not coming to a wedding is minor in the scheme of things.

So you're not invited and neither are his brothers' wives, and you've been married 10 years?

I think that's reason enough for DH to decline and to explain that's exactly why.